Let's be real: Nobody watches Lifetime Original Movies for highbrow entertainment.
Instead, these gems have well-earned reputations as trashy guilty pleasures.
Over the last three decades, Lifetime has consistently produced these treasures, featuring
completely off-the-rails plots about teen pregnancy, doomed marriages, and so much more.
Grab the popcorn and the tissues, because these movies are so bad, they're so totally
good.
Britney Ever After
The glorious dumpster fire that was Lifetime's 2017 Britney Spears "biopic", Britney Ever
After, is truly an impressive piece of filmmaking.
But for all the wrong reasons.
"Don't mind me, just sittin on my tour bus.
Look, a Furby!
Are those cheese puffs?"
From using none of Britney's actual music and reportedly not getting the Spears family
blessing...
"If you're looking for trouble, just look right at my face."
...to making blatant errors when recreating iconic outfits, and a certain incident involving
an umbrella, real Britney fans weren't feeling it.
When it premiered in February 2017, Twitter exploded in defense of the singer.
"How ---ing dare anyone out there make fun of Britney after all she's been through!"
"She's a human!"
This probably wasn't the reaction Natasha Bassett (who played Britney) was hoping for.
Before the film aired, she told Billboard the movie was,
"An incredible showing of strength [that] shines a really positive light on Britney
and how she's overcome challenges.
It's a feminist story, at its core."
"I just thought everyone was against me."
Is it as "Toxic" as it sounds?
Watch it and find out — you won't regret it.
On Thin Ice
This 2003 Lifetime Original stars Diane Keaton as a full blown meth addict mom.
Allegedly based on the true story of Patsy McCartle, the film features Keaton-as-McCartle
dealing drugs to bring in the dough.
"I know what you are!"
"What are you talking about, sweetie?"
"You are a DEALER!"
"I am your mother."
Within what feels like a matter of minutes, she goes from Mother of the Year to scrounging
for meth rocks.
"I'm trying ok I'm doing the best I can do!"
"I know you are, it's just not good enough!"
The movie is a total mess, and it's almost painful to acknowledge how truly awful Keaton's
acting is.
After all, this is the same woman who starred in the Godfather trilogy, Annie Hall and Manhattan.
The Chicago Tribune summed up On Thin Ice, and Keaton's performance, in one simple sentence:
"It's terribly written and Keaton is ineffective in it."
I Me Wed
For 30-something-year-old Isabel Darden, the ultimate celebration of self love is to — (spoiler
alert!) — marry herself.
"I love myself, I honor myself, and I cherish myself."
"Then why don't you just MARRY yourself?"
"Watch me!"
Starring Erica Durance, of later Supergirl fame, this 2007 Lifetime treasure revolves
around a woman that's tired of being berated for being single.
So, she starts planning her own wedding.
"I, Isabelle."
"Take myself…"
While I Me Wed tries to make a statement about female independence, it's definitely not problem
free, especially considering the protagonist winds up hitched to her contractor's son.
But hey.
That's the cheesy, un-woke essence we're looking for on Lifetime.
Death of a Cheerleader
Also known as A Friend To Die For, Lifetime's Death of a Cheerleader is probably one of
the more famous movies on this list.
That's not just because it stars Tori Spelling as the titular cheerleader who's fatally stabbed
by a jealous classmate.
It's also because it's based on a true story, according to People.
"You're so pretty and funny and confident."
"All I want is to be like you."
"You're pathetic."
Thankfully, we now have Mean Girls to teach us that popular girls can be taken down with
high-calorie Kalteen bars, and not violence.
Liz and Dick
Lifetime's 2012 film Liz and Dick stars Lindsay Lohan as Elizabeth Taylor.
If that fact isn't reason enough to grab a bottle of wine and get your butt on the couch
immediately, then nothing is.
"They drink, they fight, they fornicate."
"I hate you."
The movie focuses on Taylor and Richard Burton's lifelong on-again-off-again love affair, and
rollercoaster careers.
And it was panned to death by critics.
The Hollywood Reporter even called it, quote, "half train-wreck, half SNL skit."
While you could argue that Lohan was cast simply to exploit her name, the film's producer
Larry A. Thompson insisted that she was hired because she could relate.
"I personally understand Liz because you're living your life for everyone to see.'
Speaking of Taylor, Thompson told Deadline in 2012,
"She had been a child star […] lived a life of excess, drinking, making love, living under
the glare of the paparazzi.
[…] There was a lot going on with Elizabeth Taylor that Lindsay Lohan could relate to."
Fifteen and Pregnant
While most movies starring Kirsten Dunst are solid gold, this is not one of them.
Yet if you're feeling a "why am I watching this" Lifetime Original-style drama, then
Fifteen and Pregnant is the one for you.
"Hi Caleb… oh, oh, little Caleb, hi."
The film tells the tale of Dunst as Tina Spangler, a 15-year-old girl becoming a teen mom.
Of course, Fifteen and Pregnant isn't Juno, but somewhat surprisingly, the movie was well
received by audiences.
On the flip side though, others complain that it reeks of, quote, "made for cable funk."
Guess you'll have to see for yourself!
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