- How to choose your partner wisely,
and where do you even start?
(slow music)
Now, a lot of people they see us working together,
and they see us, you know, in business setting,
and a lot of people like come to me and ask me all the time,
like "how do you find a wife that supports you?
Like how does Jennie does what she does?"
Just to give you an example, it would be:
The chemistry that we have, the bond that we have.
Let's say we pretend I'm speaking on stage,
I'm speaking to 200 people and I'm doing my thing,
and I'm teaching, presenting, and Jennie would be in
the very back, at the very back watching everything.
And if I looked at her, and she would know.
(finger snapping)
Immediately, "oh okay, Dan needs water."
I don't even gonna say it, she would know just from
the way I look.
And she just knows; she observes everything,
like giving things out.
Whenever you're teaching, there's a lot going on, right?
Even in day to day, like she would know.
Like, I don't need to have to ask too much.
So how do we develop this kind of bond and chemistry?
And then we can talk about how do you find someone
like that for yourself, right?
Ya.
- I think first start with how to find the right partner
for yourself.
For every man and woman, get a piece of paper,
and write down at least three things you don't want
from the other partner.
Like three absolute NOs.
- Like just like.
- Non-negotiable.
- Let's say it could be--
- I don't want a spouse that smokes.
- Ya.
- For example.
- Ya.
Or, you know, party every weekend, or party every night.
- Alcoholic kind of person, ya.
- Ya.
Or, you know, lazy.
Or could be even very--
- Like a drive.
- Ya, ya, ya.
Could be every little, even like doesn't like rain.
Doesn't like raining.
Whatever it is.
- Ya.
Whatever that is it that you want, I think it's having
that clarity versus--
Cuz sometimes, when you're out dating,
and yous see someone, you might be attracted just
by the look.
Right?
By the appearance.
And, sometimes you lose that, kind of, the logic side.
"Oh, you know, she's so pretty."
"He's so good looking."
- Ya.
- You get together, but it may not be a good fit.
Versus, if you have this list of "here's absolutely
what I don't want."
And then you can list a few things on what you do want.
- Ya.
I would say probably list at least three to five things
absolutely yes.
- Ya, those are like the minimum.
- He has to have that.
- Ya.
- He has to pass that mark.
And then always have that list with you, so even though
you go on dating, or even you're thinking of more--
- Then you don't need to waster your time.
- Ya serious relationship.
Always goes back to the list.
- I think that's very, very important.
Like, it's funny, cuz when we were together,
we had a long talk.
Right?
And I was explaining to her--
This is like--
And we were talking about at the time,
already like more like together, long-term relationship.
We didn't talk about marriage, but we definitely
talking about like living together and things like that.
I told her, you know, this is what I want for a wife.
- Ya.
- Got this long list of stuff.
Like I could scroll through.
I said, "can you do these things?"
- Ya.
- If it's not, let's not waste each other's time.
- Ya.
- It's kind of that kinda thing, right?
And, Jennie at the time was open-minded enough.
- Ya.
- That she would say--
- Well, I was kinda thinking, "okay, if this is what
you want from the other half, let me see if I can be
like the way you want.
If I cannot, then let's not waste time."
- Then don't waste time.
- If I can maybe--
- She was willing to try.
- Ya, at least I was willing to try right?
So a lot of time guys asking me like, "how come you're
so patient? You're always supportive."
Maybe tell your girlfriend, or tell the other half:
"I need somebody to be really supportive,
I need somebody when I'm working, I cannot think about
other things, who could think about those for me."
Asking.
Maybe the other half, maybe she said, "oh okay, I didn't
know you want that criteria. Oh okay, I'll think
about those."
- Ya.
Cuz if you don't tell your partner, who would they know
what the hell you want?
And you just get mad and frustrated.
Verus, if you clearly communicate.
This is what I want.
Like, I was telling Jennie that the wife that I want,
she has to take care of the family, the family side.
Cuz I do not have time to think about that.
I won't have time to think about
what's going on in the house.
I'm out there, you know, doing my thing.
Right?
So, you, I need someone like that.
And don't expect me.
So I kind of self-expectations.
Don't expect me to take care of those things.
And she knows.
She was like, "okay."
And she's then asked herself, "am I comfortable with that?
Can I live with that?"
Right?
And even though at first, maybe, she wasn't sure if she
could meet all those criteria, quote, unquote.
- Yes.
- But she said, "but let me try. At least I see
the relationship if we love each other if that works."
And it took a bit of time.
A little bit of time.
But I was, like, very, very clear,
just like in business.
Of so much clarity of what kind of partner that I want.
Because I know that not having the right partner,
how devastating, or how difficult it is, for you,
for your life, for your business.
I just know that it's very difficult.
And I cannot have that.
I cannot have me going like so fast, like a train,
and I have someone, like, pulling me back.
- Exactly.
- It doesn't work.
I kind of describe that as like if you're driving a car,
and I'm like the entrepreneur pressing the gas,
I don't want the emergency break on.
- Ya.
- And I definitely don't want that emergency break
to be my spouse.
Right?
I need someone to sit on the passenger seat while
I'm driving, going a 100 miles an hour,
she's giving me directions.
She's looking at the GPS.
She's saying different things.
I need someone like that.
Right?
So I'm very, very clear.
- And also one thing is, always communicate about the things
you want from the partners.
Cuz think, even though you love this girl,
you love this guy so much, but then maybe he is not
the perfect partner you're looking for.
It's kind of unfair to the other party that you're kinda
wasting their time also.
So if you really like them, maybe let to choose.
- Ya.
- "Is this what you want?
Let's sit down and talk about it.
If it's not, then maybe let's just be friends."
It's really fair for both parties.
Right?
- Versus, like, then you have a terrible break-up.
- Or you just try, "because I love her so much,
I don't care although we have this fight,
but we're together."
It's hurting each other.
- Or worse, you've been together for so long,
and then for many years, and you say, "well, you know
what, we've been together for so long, let's just like--"
You kinda settle.
- Because of the time.
- Your time.
- Don't wanna give up. - The time you've invested.
So you kinda settle.
SO that's not very healthy either, I don't agree with that.
- Ya.
- So I think, start off with knowing exactly what you want,
having the clarity.
Now when you're finding someone, I mean,
ideally if you're looking for long-term relationship,
you probably won't find that person in a bar.
Right?
Environment, I think, is very, very key.
- Could be exceptions, though.
- There could be exceptions, but most of the time.
Right?
- Ya, most of the time probably not.
- Like if you are an entrepreneur, assume then you're
probably into, like, persona development.
Right?
You're into self-growth.
Well, it would maybe be a little bit better if you meet
someone, let's say, at a seminar.
- Ya that's perfect. - Right?
You're both attending a similar topic,
you're both interested in growing.
And then, you know, there's some commonality there.
It's a better place than going to a night club and you just,
you know, find someone.
If you're looking for one-night-stand,
that's a different story.
I'm talking finding the right partner.
So, environment.
Versus you find someone in night club, "oh how come,
you know, he or she is not that supportive person
that's gonna support my career."
And you talk about all these things, and goals, and values,
and want my dog.
Right?
Ya you guys look at, even though--
Here's what's interesting, I believe, depends on
environment, a different side of you shows up.
Okay, so if you met that person at a club, ya but they just
because the environment.
- Ya.
- Where you met matters a lot.
"You know what, it's a casual thing, we're all, like,
drunk and this and that."
Do you really wanna start your relationship that way?
Or is it already a relationship
in a different environment?
I think that is key.
Right?
I do think also, just like a business, referral
matters a lot.
(laughter)
I think referral, I think your best--
- Track record.
(laugher)
Like instead of meeting a total stranger, which is okay,
but I think it's sometimes better to--
If it's a friends referral, and you can ask your friend,
"hey, how's that girl? How's that guys?
What are they like?
What's their history before?"
"Well, you know what, he's been with a long-term
girlfriend, but they kind broke up and it's a little
like this and that."
"Oh okay."
That gives a little bit of an idea, right?
- True. - Of course,
check on their Facebook page, that helps too.
Right?
It tells you a little bit about--
- Social media.
- Do your social media research, right?
See what they do. - Well sometimes online
dating is good too.
Cuz if you're out a lot of--
- Oh yeah, a lot of friends who have a lot of success
with online dating.
- Ya.
- They met their spouse.
- Ya.
- That's okay too.
But, you know, funny--
A friend of mine, they met on online dating.
First date, they sat down together,
they talk about their goals.
"Here's what I want, here's what you want.
Is that a good fit?
Otherwise, let's not even waste time."
- It's actually even better, actually.
- This is very, very better.
And then I think within a year later they just got married.
And they've been together since; very good relationship.
So that's awesome.
Right?
Actually I know cuz my friend said, "I don't want kids,
do you want kids?"
- Ya.
- "If you want kids, we got a problem."
"No I don't want kids either."
"Wanna get two dogs?"
"Okay, two dogs good, we're together"
(laughter)
It's that kind of thing.
And I think that's very, very key.
Communication, expectations, where you find them
truly matters a lot.
Online dating now, of course, I think is very, very
good as well.
Right?
So, that's how you can find the right partner.
Now, in the future we're gonna make more videos
about this kind of topic.
Once you find the right partner, how to work with them,
how do you communicate.
We're gonna go in depth with a lot of these topics
in this particular show, Alpha Man, Smart Woman.
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And comment below and share with us maybe your experience.
How you've found your ideal spouse, or you can also kind of
maybe complain about the spouse that you have.
"Oh no, he, she is not so good, and here's why."
You could do that too.
Right?
(laughter)
That's totally fine.
- Can they hide their name after they do that?
- That's a good idea, maybe should do that.
(laughter)
Like anonymous.
- Ya.
- You don't show your face.
But if you wanna complain a bit, you can do that too.
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and you can check out those videos.
Until next time.
Remember, behind every successful man--
- There's a smart woman.