>> This episode is brought to you by Skillshare.
>> Yeah, head on over to Skill-sh--
sh-d...
I'm going to get it. >> Almost!
>> slash MODERNROGUE4
First 500 of you guys get two months free.
Skill, sh-sh skill, skill, shers?
>> It's right here, let them try.
>> Skill, skill, shers? >> You guys try.
>> Worst bar etiquette moment you've had, go.
>> I got kicked out of a bar for quoting Anchorman too much.
>> Had they not seen Anchorman?
>> No!
>> Brian: Did they just think you were that guy?
>> No, and so when I said, "I'm going to punch you"
"right in the uterus," it was taken as a threat.
>> Oh! Okay, that's important.
What about you?
>> Ah, I threw up on a bouncer's shoes.
>> Like, on purpose?
>> No.
>> Is that a super skill you have?
>> He's like accurate too.
>> He's like Brundle Fly.
[laughs]
>> Jason: Ohh!
Augh, did the bouncers just dissolve?
>> He just dissolved down into nothing!
>> And just starts screaming.
And then you [makes slurping sound].
>> Ah, oh god, oh god!
[laughter]
♪ [chill beat] ♪
>> robot voice: Etiquette for ordering at a bar.
>> So, we're back again at the Parker Jazz Club
hanging out with Trever, and I did not realize this,
but I guess there's a whole bunch of unwritten rules.
I've never worked behind a bar
so I don't know what it's like,
but I know what it's like to be
on the other side of the bar,
and really hope to get service quickly.
>> I'm always afraid that I will offend
the bartender, or that I'm being a jerk.
And so, I'm like, is this the appropriate thing to do?
Is this thing that I've been doing for 20 years
going to upset someone?
>> I mean, there's not a whole lot that you
have to do to get the bartender's attention.
There's not a whole lot you have to do
to get your drink, but I'm going to tell you
there are five things you should never do.
>> This is great.
This is like the reverse Modern Rogue.
>> The modern chooch.
>> Because, I'm a modern chooch! [echoing]
[laughter]
>> I love how desperate and sad you sounded!
Just like... [laughter]
>> And the acoustics.
>> Someone help me!
>> Oh god!
[turntable hiss]
[crowded bar noise] >> Well, here I am, a real bartender
with my spirit animal on my shoulder.
I wonder if there'll be any patrons today.
>> Jason: Yo, bro, bro!
[Brian's stifled laughter]
Bro, bro!
Dude.
[laughter] Bro.
Bro.
Hey! [whistles]
Bro!
Bro, hey bro!
Yo, can I get a drink?
Bro.
Yo. [snaps fingers]
Hey man, yo!
>> I'm going to wait until he says boss.
>> Bro.
[laughs]
Hey bro? Bro.
What's up bro?
What's up?
[laughter]
What's up bro?
♪ [muffled chill music] ♪
[whistles] Yo! [slaps table]
[money impotently rustling]
[bursting out in laughter]
Bro, bro, bro.
[laughter]
>> Sorry, can I help you sir?
>> Hey boss!
[loud laughter]
>> All right, so I'm going to say that
the thing's I'm supposed to learn
is don't be overly familiar with the bartender,
don't flash your money.
What are you supposed to do instead?
>> I do think we have someone that can show
a better example of what you're supposed to do. >> Brian: Yes.
Magically summon...
Anthony!
>> Put that away, we don't--
[laughter]
>> Hi, I'm a legitimate bartender.
What can I do for you?
>> Hey man, how's your night going so far?
>> You know what?
I'm disarmed by your honest interest in my day.
Why, thank you, it's going quite well.
What can I get for you sir?
>> Awesome. I'll take a Guinness.
>> Well, you have my full attention.
[scaling in tone] Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.
I bartended.
[laughter]
[turntable hiss]
>> ♪ I'm a super legitimate bartender, polishing-- ♪
>> What's up bro?
>> Hey, what can I do for you?
>> Yeah, what do you got on tap?
What do you got on draft?
>> This is a legitimate bar and I am a legitimate bartender.
>> Well, what legitimate beers do you have on draft, weirdo?
>> Ahh, well.
[laughs]
We've got Guinness, and Abita, and Buckethead,
and Mosaic, and the other one.
>> What whiskeys do you have?
>> I mean, there's the Redbreast and the Chivas
and the Dalmore, and the Balvenie,
and the McAllister, and the Buffalo Trace, and...
>> See how much time this is taking out of your day?
>> Yes.
No, you're right!
All of a sudden I feel it.
Because, like, I'm in the moment and I'm just like,
[bottles clink] "This motherf--- is going to make me read all of this s--- to him."
That's the dumbest crap ever!
>> Jason: All right, fine.
[laughter]
Oh, I see now, okay.
[uproarious laughter]
>> So, I guess the lesson is don't waste their time.
Don't make them ask for a bunch of stuff.
>> Trever: No.
If they have a lot of whiskeys and scotch,
it's fine to ask, "Do you have a list?"
Yeah, I will gladly give you a list.
If you ask for one to be suggested, I can suggest one.
But if they are prominently displayed behind me, just look.
>> So, I got a question.
This might be a crime that I commit on the regular.
I say dealer's choice when it comes to a lot of stuff.
Is that good or bad?
>> No, no, I have no problem with people wanting me
to show them my favorite spirit, particularly with whiskey.
>> Brian: Right.
>> Because I would either like to show
a new one, or a favorite.
Also, same thing when it comes to drinks.
If someone says, "I don't know what I want."
"Make me something."
Ah, that's carte blanche!
I can do anything I want?
I would love that.
>> See, I would almost think that that's a problem because
that's too much wide open space to run around in.
Like, I feel like I'm doing them a favor if I say,
"I want an IPA, your choice as to what IPA I should try."
And then I make sure to ask, so that I'm registering
the value of their choice.
>> If the bartender feels stress from that,
that's their fault.
>> Brian: Okay.
>> Anthony: How's it going man?
Can I get your favorite 12 year scotch?
>> Oh, man, I'll tell you what's great is the Redbreast.
That's the Dalmore, right?
>> Trever: You missed it, it's over there.
>> Here it is, it's great, I did good.
>> Yes, that's it.
>> I'm a legitimate bartender.
[turntable hiss]
>> Yeah, no, look I'm sorry Trever.
You didn't tell me that being a bartender would be so busy.
>> Bro! >> I got a lot of stuff to do.
I'm sorry sir, I'm very busy,
but I'll be happy to take your order.
What's your order sir?
♪ [loud muffled music] ♪ >> Yo, boys! Yeah!
What's up?
[speaking loud over bar noise] Rumple Minze? Old fash--
Old fashion. Rumple Minze.
Screwd--screwdriver.
>> Jason: Can you even drink that?
That's like paint thinner!
Okay so, screwdriver, but with the vodka from Poland,
potato vodka, none of the other stuff.
What? Okay nevermind then, old fashion, bro.
[Brian laughs]
[Jason yelling back] Two old-fashions‽
[bottles clink] Two old-fashions, a martini in a f--- martini glass, man.
Not in, like, a Solo cup, or whatever.
And, what?
Okay, no, Solo cup's fine.
And, wait, what was?
Okay, yeah, two old-fashions, a screwdriver,
a martini in a Solo cup, and...
[brian chortles] six b--
six bellinis.
[wheezy laughter] >> Jason: Six bellinis.
[through laughter] >> I'm sorry, what's a bellini?
>> It's a real drink.
>> Okay.
[laughs]
The vindication that Jason feels for it being a real drink!
>> Jason: I didn't make it up.
I wouldn't do something like that.
>> So, I'm going to guess that the lesson here
is know your freaking order.
>> 👏 Have your 👏 order 👏 ready.
There's nothing more infuriating than, yes,
we are busy, and yes, I am trying to get to you.
But, if you come up to me and then,
suddenly don't know what you want,
and you're ordering for seven people
that aren't with you,
one, I need IDs for all those drinks.
Two, I can only serve so many drinks
to one person at one time.
>> Don't show up with a laundry list.
You may think you're doing a favor
for everybody there, but your job
is not to be a cocktail waitress.
Your job is to show up, and if you're at the bar,
you are here for a drink for you and maybe one other person.
>> And even if it is a large order,
I'm willing to take it, but just please know,
have it in order and have it ready.
>> No, but seriously though.
Look how well-polished this plastic bottle is.
This is a very, I'm a very good bartender.
[diagetic bar noise returns]
Ah, sir, we're very busy, but what can I do for you?
>> Yeah, can I get two screwdrivers,
an old-fashioned, and a bellini?
>> Yes, I can do that.
Because that is a specific list
of things you asked me for, me, a legitimate bartender.
[laughter]
[turntable hiss]
>> Just one competent bartender hanging out
at a bar,
twirling a cucumber.
>> Bro!
>> Yes? >> Bro, what's up?
>> What, yes, may I help you?
>> Yeah ah, I want a Manhattan, bro.
>> Brian: Uh, okay.
>> What do you guys put in your Manhattans?
>> Two-one-two, sir.
We do rye whiskey, two ounces, one ounce
sweet vermouth, and two dashes of bitters.
>> Oh... okay. >> The way god intended.
>> Jason: Yeah.
>> God is a channel called the Modern Rogue.
>> You know, over at...
[sigh]
>> When I make it at home, I usually use scotch.
Why do you...? Rye whiskey, eh I don't know.
And over at the other bar, yeah they do it a lot better.
They actually use like good scotch over there,
instead of some, just like, rye whiskey.
>> Okay, so here's my problem with that.
Just because that's how he makes it at home,
that's how he makes it at home.
And the bar down the street,
they could be making it differently too.
He also mentioned scotch which isn't a Manhattan.
That would be a Rob Roy.
But if he would like his drink
to be changed up, I can do that.
I don't have a problem with that.
But, just understand that when bars have their drinks,
they have a proper way of making them,
and they have a standard way of making them.
>> So, in other words, it's okay to ask
for a substitution, but don't act like
the way somebody else does it is
the default, normal, or superior way.
>> Right, because when it comes to cocktails,
there are several different ways
that you can change them up, modify them, however.
But bars are going to make their drinks
the way that they feel they're best properly served.
And, really, you should be a gentleman
about it when you ask.
>> How's it going?
>> I'm fine, I'm just... spinning a cucumber as one does.
>> Cool, can I get a Manhattan with some
extra sweet vermouth in there?
>> Extra sweet vermouth?
You think you can change our recipe, well guess what?
I'm happy to do that for you
because I'm a legitimate bartender. [bottles clang]
[snickering]
[numerous bottles clink] [laughter]
[turntable hiss]
[optimistic music resonates in the room, diagetic bar chatter resumes]
>> Yo, man.
What's up bro?
[tapping]
Ah, hey, what you got that's gluten free?
>> I got this.
Everything is gluten free.
All spirits are gluten free.
[metal clinks on glass]
>> Yo, you can't talk to me like that, bro.
I know the owner, we're like-- yeah he's like a buddy of mine.
[metal clinks on glass]
[laughter]
>> I'll handle this one,
as well. [laughter]
I know the owner too, he cuts my paychecks.
This is something that annoys the
ever-living hell out of every bartender. >> Brian: How often does this actually happen?
>> A lot, and the funny thing is, a lot of times,
when they walk in, they don't even know the owner's name.
They just act like it.
They might be Facebook friends. >> Jason: [struggling] It's... shhh...
Sham? >> What's his name?
What's the owner's name? >> Sh--Sham?
>> See, he doesn't even know. >> Sham Berkland.
>> He doesn't even know. >>> Brian and Jason: Sham Berkland.
>> Is the owner of this bar.
And we're close, personal friends.
>> Brian: I'm sorry.
And where did Sham Berklin go to college?
>> [stammering] Janamen... Janimon State. [laughter]
In Ohio. >> Right.
>> We went there together. >> And he of course, played...
>> Front guard in the hoop ball.
[laughter]
He was front guard on the team for Janimon State,
the Janimon State Warriors.
Sham... Ber-kle-mon. >> Yeah, this is exactly what happens
every time that someone says, "I know the owner."
>> His name is Sham! All right?
[laughter]
>> Now, I have no problem with people coming in
and saying they know the owner, because when an owner
has a bar, he's going to have lots of friends.
>> Of course, of course.
>> The owner here, he has a lot of musician friends
that come in, that are coming to see him,
they're coming here to see his music.
I will gladly serve you if you're the owner's friend.
Even if you're not the owner's friend.
>> Brian: Well, and plus also, if you're actually
the owner's friend, my guess is you don't
call him "the owner."
You probably know his first and last name.
>> Sham! >> And maybe where his kids go to school.
>> Jason: Sham Berkland-man.
Berkle-berkle.
>> The Warriors huh?
>> Yep! The Janimon State Warriors' front guard!
>> Sup, bro?
>> How's it going? Ah, can I get an old-fashioned?
>> Yeah, of course.
>> Is Sham in tonight, he's an old friend of mine?
[incredulous] >> Wait, Sham is the owner of this bar!
I didn't know that you knew him?
>> Yeah, I didn't even know that Sham was the owner of the bar.
>> How do you know Sham? >> Sham Berkle!
>> We met back at uh,
Straummenoff State. >> Jason: Of the Georgia, of the Georgia Berklemans.
>> Trever: Oh, turn--yeah, did you just...?
[stifled laughter]
[laughter re-surging]
>> Sham is not going to like that.
[laughter]
>> Trever: Oh my god.
[laughter]
>> Sham is going to have your ass.
>> Trever: Trever's going to have your ass.
[loud laughter]
[turntable hiss]
>> All right, so we've covered five don'ts,
including this image, when it comes to getting service.
But, once you've got service, what's the right way to tip?
>> It's different in each country, quite honestly.
I was just in Europe, and some people
were almost offended if I tipped them.
Here in America though, a lot of us,
we're not making hourly.
>> Yeah.
>> So we do depend on the tips.
We're just looking for 20 percent.
And if you walk your tab, it's going to be 20 percent.
If we give you good service, 25 percent maybe?
But a dollar a drink, a dollar a shot,
something that simple, it's not that hard.
>> Right on.
>> All right, so what you're telling me is I can't
wave around money and try to get your attention.
I need to know exactly what I want.
Don't walk up and say, "What do you have on draft?"
when it's right there in front of you.
Don't try to correct the bartender
and tell him exactly how you would do it.
Don't brag about knowing the owner
and try to get special favors or whatever.
And tip! Tip 20 percent.
Or a dollar per drink is fair, fine.
[background noise cuts out] >> ♪ Doodle doot doo doo, doodle doodle doo! ♪
♪ I'm a legitimate bartender. ♪
>> And if you see this, you turn around and walk away.
Find another bar.
[laughter]
Don't go to one of those cucumber ocarina bars.
[laughs]
>> The Cucumber Ocarina would be a great name for a bar!
Are you kidding me‽
That would be amazing!
>> Aren't they performing next week? [laughter]
>> That should be the name of the bar
out at the Modern Rogue HQ.
>> And it only plays the Popeye theme.
♪ Doodle doot do do do ♪
♪ Do do doodle do do doot! ♪
♪ fff, fff ♪
[laughter]
>> Trever: Do you have a Link where they can all find that?
>> You just blew cucumber chunks all over Anthony.
>> That's a great ending.
>> Anthony: Yeah.
>> You still believe that the internet is a dumpster fire?
>> Yeah.
>> A bath tub of flaming poo, is that what you called it?
>> Careening down the mountain towards your family.
>> Walk me through this, justify this.
>> Okay, it's kind of like Fury Road.
>> Yeah, okay.
>> But it's up at the top of the mountain.
It's filled full of poop.
Poop is mostly harvested from comments sections.
>> Okay.
>> It runs on rage and feces!
>> And just, like what?
Pewdiepie's the doof warrior, up front?
>> Just like, rocking out, flinging crap everywhere
with his big pinwheeling arms, and then bam!
It hits your family, poop's everywhere,
and nobody learned a damn thing!
>> The last part is the most important part.
It's very hard, if I'm understanding you correctly,
to find high quality instructional tutorials
of people at the top of their artistic game.
>> It was obviously the point of the metaphor.
>> It sounded to me like what you really want
is access to 25,000 tutorials.
To join seven million other creators
as you better yourself with everything
from how to learn cinematography, Photoshop,
or photo edit, or edit photos.
I'm just going to do everything that's photo related.
>> Business, social media, calligraphy.
>> Okay, that too.
No dumpster fires anywhere when you go
to our friends at Skillshare.
>> Yeah.
>> SKL.SH/MODERNROGUE4
The first 500 people who sign up get two months free.
You get to learn as much as you want.
Unlimited access, dude.
>> And it's less that $10 a month.
All of this is curated, so you're not going to
stumble across, "Oh, this is good for me to learn,"
"and, oh! I'm standing in a bathtub full of dumpster,"
"and now it's hurtling down the mountain towards"
"someone else's family."
>> SKL.SH/MODERNROGUE4
Make us look good, improve yourself, and get
two months free if you're one of the first 500.
You got to hurry, hustle, hustle, run, fly you fools.
Dodge the poop tub.
— CC BY REV — * MODIFIED BY BIZARRE MAGIC * [soft music and radio static]
>> Yo, bro, bro, bro!
Bro, dude, bro, bro, hey!
[whistles]
Bro, bro, hey bro, yo can I get a drink?
Bro, yo,
hey man, yo.