♫ Where in the world is Superwoman today
Toronto, which means I'm in front of this old wall.
You know the "I miss the old wall"?
Yeah wait for me to get sued.
You gonna pay my legal bills?
(unicorn hoofbeats)
What up everyone, it's your girl Superwoman.
And the other day my girl was talking to me
about this dude she liked and then we proceeded
to talk about it for like 19 hours
and in those 19 hours I realized,
yo this is rocket science.
Talking to your crush is so complicated.
Like straight up, why don't they teach this in school.
Like great, yeah, I know how to make a paper mache volcano
erupt but my love life remains unexplosive.
Thanks education.
You really pulled through for your girl.
That and f-ing long division, like ooh yay I can divide
the number 2,374.
Yet your legs remain undivided.
Don't piss me off, zoomed in Lilly, okay?
We don't even have that much space in this old room,
so we're almost the same person.
Shut up.
Crushes, first of all you overthink to death
when you text them, right?
'Cause you're like I don't want to come on too strong
but I also don't want them to think I'm not interested,
so it's like how do I be 2010 and 2016 version of Beyonce
at the same time?
He hasn't texted today.
Well don't text him first.
Honestly don't be so petty, okay.
If you want to text him, just text him.
Yeah if you'se a thirsty ho.
You've got to make it seem like you're busy
and don't have time to waste.
But you don't want him to feel like you're too good
to think about him.
Well when's the last time he thought of you?
Check the time stamp, girl.
He texted first last time.
Okay then you text first this time.
Whoa, we out here keeping score now?
(phone dings)
Oh, he texted.
Wait, wait, you just gonna
instantly reply like a parched ho?
Like your thirst is unquenchable?
You have to make him wait awhile.
I don't care how mature, responsible and woke
I become as a person, okay?
The version of Lilly that texts you back will remain petty.
Like oh you took three minutes to reply to my text message
because you were at work.
Okay yeah well you'll hear from me next week,
through a subtweet.
While I date your brother.
And I key your car.
What?
Too much, too much Lilly.
Rewind, rewind.
While I date your brother.
And key your car.
Dammit.
When the pettiness cannot even be edited out.
When Final Cut cannot even remove the pettiness.
Oh no but for real, this ain't a joke.
It could be like our two year anniversary
and I'm still gonna be like.
(marker squeaks)
Oh sorry according to our Excel sheet,
I think I have the first kids, so this one's on you, ho.
Let's go get your uterus installed.
What is this video even about?
I don't even know. (thump)
What's happening?
(thump)
What's happening.
Also I'm just kidding.
Don't think I'm a horrible person.
I'm totally not like that.
(thump)
So then you start consistently talking to your crush, right?
Things are going well and you're like,
yo I might actually be on the steady path
towards a relationship,
until what happens?
Every sexy man on the planet suddenly wants to notice you.
Just like (sniffing) what?
(inhaling)
Why is it that when you're about to be in a relationship
or you're in a relationship,
suddenly you're a magnet for people.
Just like oh now that I'm potentially in a relationship,
every sexy guy with a good heart and a six pack
just gonna hit me up.
Suddenly what's his face broke up with his girl.
Suddenly Zayn Malik is my new neighbor
and he wants to borrow some of this sugar.
Like where were you when I was drinking
and watching Netflix alone, two months ago.
You were gay or taken, that's where you were.
But now that I'm textually active with someone
you gonna come out of nowhere with the text like
hey long time no talk.
Shut up your bloody face.
It's like god is playing some sort of cosmic joke.
Just like okay let's make all those boys available,
all those boys near Lilly.
You know what, actually tonight I'm even feeling like
a solar eclipse, something real beautiful,
but let's make them all get special glasses
or else they'll go blind.
Who do you think you are?
(thunder clapping)
Okay.
And then there's the absolute worst part
about having a crush or talking to someone.
That is that moment where you're like,
wait, are we dating?
Like I don't know the rules, you know what I mean?
Like I don't now how to tell if I'm dating someone.
And I honestly feel like there's this time period
where no one knows and everyone's just playing along.
And I'm just in this awkward gray area where I'm like,
what, is, am I Pinocchio?
Did I get swallowed by a whale?
Like where am I?
Just filling out an application like okay, name, yeah yeah.
Relationship status.
(throat clearing)
It's complicated.
Like hold, this ain't Facebook.
You at the doctor's office.
It's either in a relationship
or not in a relationship, okay.
They're trying to check your blood pressure,
not comment on your status.
Get it together. (snapping)
And I just want to know, are you flirting with other people?
Are we exclusive?
Are we intrusive?
Are we inclusive?
Am I a rapper?
Does it matter?
This is blabber, just chatter.
Unrelated, are we dating?
If you're playing I'm just saying, tell me,
that's all Super is saying, aka Super Saiyan.
What up tee shirt reference.
You can go ahead and click subscribe now.
You know, I know it's not a dis track or a reaction
to a dis track, but I promise, you'll survive.
(sucking)
No for real though.
I don't know how to tell if I'm dating someone.
Can you comment below and let me know,
because there have been so many times in my life
where I'm like, am I in a serious relationship
with this dude, or does he just take me places?
That's not a relationship.
That's called and Uber.
(thudding)
Yo wait, before you go pay attention to all these
promotional things I'm saying,
'cause look at all the hand motions I'm doing
and how animated I am.
You should definitely stay.
Yo, if you're not subscribed, make sure you subscribe
because I work really hard on these videos
and if you are subscribed then make sure you click the bell
to be notified when I upload.
Does that actually work?
I don't freakin' know.
Sometimes.
YouTube, figure it out.
But hit the bell anyways, why not?
Look how nice it sounds.
(bell chiming)
Okay go ahead.
Yo, I hope you enjoyed that video.
If you did, give it a thumbs up.
I actually want to see how many thumbs up I can get
'cause I feel like I just say that,
but maybe, like, it doesn't happen.
Do it.
Want to watch more videos like this?
Right over there.
My second dope vlog channel right over there.
Make sure you subscribe, because I make new videos
every Monday and Thursday.
One love Superwoman, that is a wrap and zoop.