Hey, it's Clayton Olson.
And in this video, we're going to talk about eight Secrets to Create A Rock-Solid Relationship.
Now, I'm gonna give you eight secrets and I'm gonna talk about some concepts that perhaps
you've heard before.
But what my intention is to do is not cover each point exhaustively, but rather, give
you a new spin on how to look at each one of these points.
And a particular concept that I find incredibly useful and maybe elusive that if you begin
to pay attention to it, it could help you in all of your relationships.
Your relationships with your friends, your co-workers, your family.
Alright.
Secret number one is Believe In Your Partner.
Have faith in who they are.
Support them.
Support them through their struggles.
Cheerlead them from the sidelines.
And that doesn't matter whether you're a woman or a man, be a cheerleader in their life.
Believe in their best self and consistently remind them of their best self.
See you occupy an incredibly precious place in your partner's life, it's one where you
are so close that you get to see both their flaws and their gifts.
And when you're able to get close enough to be able to reflect their gifts when they need
them most, when life hits them with an inevitable curveball, you become priceless in their eyes.
And truly you give them a gift that no one else can give them, and you enable them and
model it for them to be able to do the same for you.
Alright.
Secret number two is Be Generous.
You've probably heard that before.
Where I want to make a real point on this is have an innocent until proven guilty mentality.
So, be generous with your trust, why?
Because if you give your partner the benefit of the doubt and you trust them, you actually
give them the space to grow into someone that has a strong integrity.
You enable them, and you strengthen them to be their best self, and you help them be an
adult – a responsible adult in the relationship with your heart.
Now, look everyone's been hurt in the past and you may have reasons to not trust people
because of what has happened, however it's your responsibility to give them the benefit
of the doubt until they prove otherwise.
Most people that I talk to that are going through a really challenging time in their
relationships consistently have the opposite.
They have a guilty until proven innocent mentality.
And although, it's justified at times and it can be absolutely valid, it's not a recipe
for creating something that lasts.
So, have an innocent until proven guilty mentality and be generous with your trust.
Now that dovetails nicely into our third point… third secret which is Accept Your Partner’s
Past.
And realizing that anybody that you come in contact especially if they're in their late
20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, they're gonna have some baggage.
And the problem if we don't accept our partners past is we are constraining them to someone
they used to be because of the way we see them.
Rather, than giving them the territory to grow into who they could be.
And I'm a firm believer that relationships are one of the most strongest containers,
most powerful containers for us to grow in to our full potential.
And we really stop our partners from being able to do that when we are seeing them through
our own insecurities or we're not letting go of something that happened to them in the
past and that's the old person we're seeing.
And they're seeing as well especially if it's reflected by us, so I heard a quote once by
a man who vowed to his woman he said, “I promise to never know you.”
Now, first that might sound like, Okay.
Well why would you promise to never know your partner?”
I mean, doesn't that seem counterintuitive?
Doesn't that seem like an insult?
Well, no.
Because what he's essentially promising is “I promise to never constrain you to who
you used to be.
I promise to leave a space there for you to grow into who you could be and to be curious
about that consistently, to never make assumptions based on the past but to allow you to continually
reinvent yourself in my eyes.”
Alright.
Secret number four is Actively practice appreciating those things about your partner that you love
and respect.
I believe that in the honeymoon phase, we can't help but appreciate the other person
fully and completely.
And that's one of the reasons why we see them through this rose-color lens and they can
do no wrong, even their quirks and those little idiosyncrasies that later turn us off are
things that we find endearing.
And I believe that as a product of us appreciating all of them.
So, one trick to continually being able to appreciate your partner is to notice the things
that perhaps, now annoy you.
Maybe they're lazy, maybe they're non-committal, maybe they're unreliable in some way.
Well my argument is actually that's just the shadow side of someone who lives in the moment.
Someone who is incredibly spontaneous.
Someone who perhaps is very present and actually has helped you stop and smell the flowers
and the roses in life.
So, if we can remember that as we get in a relationship, we see one side of the person,
we start to see the full 360-degree view of the reality of who they are and maybe we begin
to get in touch with the things that we don't like.
Remember that those are just the underbelly the shadow side of equality that we deeply
appreciate and is one of the reasons why we're in the relationship in the first place.
Alright.
So Secret Five is Create a No Limit communication model in your relationship.
So, what that means is get rid of any no-fly zones of what you guys can talk about.
I've talked to partners and couples that are going through breakups and one of the things
that I see that it's a trend is there's certain territories, there's certain topics, there's
certain content, that we can't talk about it.
We absolutely can't go there.
The conversation gets shut down immediately.
And see the problem with, this the problem with this, is they're avoiding pain in the
relationship.
They're avoiding confrontation the relationship and when you avoid pain in your relationships
and you're trying to value harmony above all else and comfort above all else, your relationship
becomes one-dimensional and brittle.
And when it becomes brittle the slightest thing can knock it off base and break the
relationship.
So, the more that you can weather the emotional highs and lows that might come with talking
about things that are emotionally charged, the more that you can discuss all topics and
content regarding the relationship, the more you build resilience and a deeper and stronger
bandwidth between you and your partner, so you can move forward in life and face the
challenges, the speed bumps and the mountains that will come during your lifetime.
In secret six, this might seem completely obvious but have more sex with your partner.
Why?
Because sex is ironically the lubricant for all of the challenging dialogue and fights
that you will have with your partner.
It is what binds the two of you together.
It is the literal own physical manifestation of being able to give to your partner and
to meet their needs.
And when the two of you are connected in a physical way, and you're having sex often,
your nervous system sync up together.
And there are barriers that naturally dissolve and break down, and conversations, and problems,
and issues that may have been all in your head begin to move more into your body, the
dialogue begins to transform, and those problems begin to become a transcended through regular
sex.
So, make sex a practice in your relationship.
Make it something that is a priority.
And it's not based on whether you feel like having it or not but see it as it's like going
to the gym.
“If I only went to the gym when I felt like it, I'd probably go a lot less often.”
So, make sex a priority.
Make sex a commitment that is foundational to the health of your relationship.
Alright.
And secret seven is respect your partner.
You've probably heard that before, so I'm gonna take a different angle on it.
Yes, respect your partner's wishes.
Respect what your partner wants even if you don't agree with it.
Respect your partner's boundaries, their privacy, of course.
And here's where I really want you to begin looking at ways to respect your partner, respect
that they are strong enough to handle your truth.
Stop minimizing yourself.
Stop discounting your feelings.
Stop treating your partner as fragile that they can't handle your truth.
If there's something that's bothering you, if there's something that you need to speak
up and talk to them about, respect that they are strong enough to be able to handle all
of you and that want all of you regardless of their emotional reaction, regardless of
whether it triggers them.
Because that is what growth is in a relationship, is sometimes being able to have these confrontations
where things kind of break down and they build up even stronger.
So, respect the connection that the connection is strong enough to handle it.
And the eighth and final secret for creating a rock-solid relationship is take a stand
for your core values.
Look what that means is follow your passions, follow your dreams as cliche as that sounds.
Go after what you want and honor that.
Continually do what makes you happy.
Make things outside the relationship the source of your happiness.
Make happiness your responsibility.
Continue to honor your values.
I once heard someone say or I overheard someone say, I was at some hot spring and they said,
“You know love is just a compromise.”
God and I thought to myself that's such bullshit.
No, it's not.
Love is not a compromise.
You may make adjustments in relationship.
You may be inspired to change in relationship, but that's not a compromise.
That's you being inspired by something bigger, that's you changing your value system because
now you are choosing to make something more important, maybe that honors the connection.
But if you find yourself compromising in the relationship then that is only the path to
resentment.
It is only the path to a breakup, so don't compromise in your relationships.
Find ways to inspire each other to become the best versions of yourself and it starts
with you.
It starts with you becoming the best person for yourself.
It starts with you becoming the one for yourself.
Alright.
So those are the eight secrets to create a rock-solid relationship, and if you are a
woman watching this video, and you found it valuable in any way shape or form, I want
to encourage you to click on the link below to register for a free 90 minute webinar that
I'm putting on called Three Secrets To Attracting And Keeping A High Quality Man.
I put on with a fellow coach named Jack Butler, and really we spent months putting together
some of our best content to change your relationship with dating, change your relationship with
men, and change your relationship with yourself.
So, if that sounds intriguing go ahead and click the link below, find a time that works
for you, and we will see you on the webinar.