- Energetic boundaries.
Imagine that there's these boundaries around you,
where if people cross them,
there is then something that comes up within you
where you say, no.
When you say no to people crossing
your energetic boundaries,
you are saying yes to yourself.
And boundaries are actually internal.
This is something that my shadow work integration coach
has taught me.
It's like, well, do I need to always go into,
have someone else asking me to do something
maybe I don't wanna do.
And I always have to establish my frame and be like, no,
this is not okay.
And he said, "It's more so about the inner genetic energy,
like the energy on the inside that will imply that
to where you don't have to say anything.
So in this video,
I'm gonna show you the most powerful secrets
that I've learned to maintaining magnetic energy.
How boundaries have completely shifted my life
and not just by setting outer boundaries,
but how you can set energetic boundaries
that will transform every area of your life
and allow you to really be in your own frame,
to be in your own power.
And at the same time,
say no to things that don't resonate
or things that you don't really wanna do
because it's not authentic without feeling guilty.
(upbeat music)
Welcome back to another video.
My name is Aaron
and I help people expand their consciousness.
Now in this video,
I'm gonna show you how you can have energetic boundaries,
where everywhere you go people are magnified to your energy,
but not in a way
that they feel like they need something from you,
or you don't have to like pep, you know,
like shoot them off or anything like that.
And this is something that over the last year
has completely transformed my life
by working with my shadow work integration coach
who's helped me understand
that I had this very strong pattern of releasing my frame.
I would do this thing when I was around other people
that had a strong frame,
my frame would in a way become weak,
and I would like mold other people.
I'd have friends that would say, let's go do this,
and it was hard for me to say, no.
I would really abandoned my sense of self
to make others happy.
And this is something that started making me feel
more and more powerless.
Like I feel so obligated to do what other people
want me to do that if I'd say no, I'd feel guilty.
I feel like I was a bad friend.
And I would, then....
I think it's part of this as well
is I craved from a certain level,
the validation from being in someone else's frame
and the payoff that I got from that.
So, it was something that the more I became aware of,
the more I started to take my energy back toward now.
Even if I say,
or do something that I know someone else is gonna feel like
maybe negative emotion because of what I do or whatever.
I know that it's me being authentic,
and me maybe even being vulnerable.
So, I don't feel guilty.
I'm like, I remember this one little thing right over here,
this little thing.
So, remember that's your shit not mine.
When you have strong boundaries,
you can verily very clearly see
that when somebody else projects their stuff onto you,
come to this thing that I want you to come to,
because it will make me feel better.
You can then see that if you say no to it,
because you actually have something you want to do,
or you say no to it,
because it's not something you want to do.
You can realize that they feel negative emotion.
You realize that its their shit not yours.
That's an epiphany that I had
when I was also realizing that,
see how this other is a strong frame.
I would feel that I had a weak frame
and I would then in a way,
be tuned into other people because I'm also tuned
to wanting validation from other people.
And what I would do is I would then merge to their frame.
So, this is really an energetic and energy thing
where we're feeling like we're in a way powerless.
And this video is a funny little story for you.
My girlfriend is doing this woman's retreat right now,
and her name's Heather.
And she's going through this thing where she goes
and she's meeting, you know,
like 90 women that know her from her audience
and stuff like that.
And at something interesting that happened is,
you know, being in the public eye, doing what we do,
there's some interesting things that's happened.
I've had some interesting things happen.
Well, I'm doing like a plant medicine ceremony
in Costa Rica,
where there were like 70 out of 90 people
that were there were like from the, you know,
YouTube subscriber audience.
And I've had things like in the middle of the ceremony
woman got on top of me
and started trying to have sex with me.
That's something interesting that happened.
I realized in that moment
that it was my own lack of boundaries
that allowed that to happen.
It was my own lack of like being me,
being in my frame where that was even thought of to be okay.
But my girlfriend goes to this thing,
it was the first day yesterday.
She's just left a minute ago
to go for the next two, or three days there.
She goes there.
This woman is so excited to see her,
and this woman licks Heather's face.
She goes, oh my God.
She goes up and she licks her face,
that is fricking crazy to me.
Like she came back and she told me the story.
I'm like, why did you allow,
what did you do when that happened?
She's like, well, I was like freaked out a little bit.
And I'm like, you didn't tell her, like, you know,
that's not okay.
It is not okay to lick my face, you know.
That to me is just so bizarre.
But you see, there's interesting things that have happened.
I mean, I've had someone get on top of me
in the middle of the ceremony.
So I was like,
where are these energetic boundaries
and stuff that she had to learn to do
is to actually say, no,
and not just say no,
but like to it's what was authentic in that moment.
And it was it authentic to just be like, Ew,
that's disgusting to go wash your face.
That's what she did.
But when I would, I mean,
I guess maybe we all have a different way risk.
What would you have guys have done by the way,
come up below?
What would you have done if something like that happened?
Because from what I would've said, I was I'm like,
what part of you thinks it's okay to lick my face?
Like it would have been very clear,
and then the benefit of that is saying that in front
of other people that maybe also, you know,
would have saw that it's like a wiring in of respect,
in a way.
This is how I expect to be treated, you know, what I mean?
Like as a person, that's not some, I don't know,
especially maybe she's on Instagram and we'll see her.
They project onto her.
I don't know.
It's an interesting thing,
but that is something that it was bizarre,
but also made me realize, like, it's a powerful thing
that a lot of people are going through
where it's about being in your own frame
and not being afraid to tell people this is okay,
this isn't okay.
It's okay to do this.
It's not okay.
Look my face, okay.
I did think we had to have this conversation,
but this is something that the more you become aware
of your own power,
the less attached you are
to when people feel less than positive
when they go through something.
Now, here's an interesting thing as well.
My assistant, she has amazing boundaries.
And I love the fact that, you know,
when she's getting me things or getting things done for me,
she's really good at follow through.
There'll be times like people come up to her for things,
and she's just very clear.
And people don't even try to cross her boundaries
because she carries that energy.
She was at Whole Foods the other day,
and she told me the story because I was like,
why do there's certain things that still happen in my life
that I become aware of?
And I'm like establishing a new frame around,
but why doesn't this stuff ever happen to you?
She said, well, the other day I was at Whole Foods,
and this guy came up to her
that was like in his iPad or something.
And it was just this guy that came up to her
when she was like in the produce aisle or something.
And I was like, hey,
so I have to ask you this question about this iPad.
And like, I'm thinking about getting this iPad
or maybe a MacBook, or something,
but like, I don't know which one to get.
Blah, blah, blah.
And then Ali was just like, excuse me.
She's like, why don't you go to the Apple Store
and ask them because they work there?
She's like, I'm working right now.
She was like getting stuff for me.
She's like, I'm working right now,
and you just go there and get the answer there.
Like, I don't know.
I can't help you and she just walked away.
She didn't feel guilty at all
because part of her energy is like,
she's very good at that's your shit not mine.
If Ali were a plants, she'd be Sage.
Okay, Sage is like,
I say that because some people do these things
called plant datas,
where they like ingest a plant where like a lot of Sage,
and stuff like that, and they connect to the energy.
And Sage is all about boundaries.
That's why, when people cleanse their energy,
they use Sage,
but she can also have kind of like a Sage
can have kind of like a attitude where it's like, no,
that is not okay.
I know that because people that have done these plate datas,
I've said, that that's kind of the energy
that comes through.
So, the reason I'm sharing this with you
is because don't be afraid to carry that energy
where you are able to establish a level of tension.
Tension, when you were kid probably was a bad thing.
If you express what you really felt,
or what you really thought back in the day,
it was probably like, you'd get pain.
You'd be challenging something,
and it wouldn't be good.
However, realize that now tension is authentic.
You don't have to go out of your way
to get people's attention,
but one thing you can do is realize
that if you value people's validation over your own,
then you're going to seek
and you're gonna tune to everybody else
in order to get your needs met.
There's a video that's on impacts,
that is a video that went kind of viral, I guess,
resonate with a lot of people,
but it's how to heal and what being an impact really is.
And you can all go in and link that with a video below,
so that you can see it.
But basically when we were a kid,
we go through trauma, we escape the bottom shockers.
We go into like the top one started being very heady.
We in tuned to everybody else
because we're not in our own frame.
But when we start getting in our own frame,
which means in her own body, in our own energy,
we can then clearly create that level of separation.
So this is something that you begin to,
not so much project on to other people
when you start doing the inner work.
Now, the most powerful thing that I did
in order to change around this energy
was looking at my own values.
Now, a value is in a way kind of like a belief system,
that if they're virtues that you live by.
So beliefs do create reality,
but your beliefs are gonna be directly reflected
in your sense of identity,
and your identity consists of different virtues
that you live by.
Now, if when we were kids,
we craved the validation from other people
and we feel needy, or we feel like we're just being nice.
Then what happens is we are seeking and we are dependent,
and co-dependent on other people giving us
a sense of validation, giving us a sense of approval.
So if we were to make them feel bad,
by having something that we was authentic for us to express,
we would then feel bad because we could feel their energy.
Their energy is my energy,
but the key to this is realizing that you can redo
your values by just becoming aware of them,
and starting to give yourself that what you crave.
I became aware that I felt invalidated as a kid.
I felt like I wasn't worthy as a kid.
And I had to from seven to 15 years old,
tuned myself to my ex step-mom, who was emotionally,
mentally, and physically abusive.
So, because of that I got a sense of safety from doing that.
And when I would do that, it was my census,
literally survival for me to survive.
So even after 15 years old, my dad divorced her.
I'm still feeling this level of energy inside of me,
where I need to get people's validation and approval
to know that I'm okay, that I'm safe.
And instead, once I became aware of this,
I was able to reframe my own values
and realize that I value vulnerability,
and authenticity over validation.
That's the game changer here.
Many of us that have trouble setting boundaries,
the problem is that we have abandoned ourselves
in order to make others happy.
We're afraid of abandonment.
We're afraid of being abandoned or rejected.
So, what we do is we change our center of our energy,
of like center of gravity to make everyone else happy.
But then what happens is we abandoned ourselves
in the process.
The key is to bring the energy back in
to realize that that is their shit not yours.
And as you begin to tap more into this energy,
you are going to begin to feel more powerful,
but also focus more on authenticity.
If somebody licks your face
and you feel like they've crossed a boundary,
being nice is a way of mitigating tension.
Being nice normally is a form of manipulation.
A nice guy is a manipulative guy,
a guy that's like, Ooh, I hope that familiar
with nice to you maybe we can have sex,
and maybe we could do something
that's a very nice thing.
That's the way they think nice is manipulation.
I'm gonna give you this lack of tension
and maybe you'll like me, but it doesn't work
because it's not polarizing.
It's not authentic.
And what women or men want is they want authenticity.
So, there's a difference between being nice and being kind.
If you're being kind it's like a virtue and it's compassion.
If you're being nice it's inauthentic, okay.
There's a difference between being kind and being nice.
Now, the thing is being nice or being needy
means that you're looking for something outside
to make the inside happy.
I did this for years, literally years.
I went through this process of attracting situations
where I constantly got reflected back my lack of frame,
where I needed to be nice to get other people's validation.
The game changer for me though,
was when I learned how to be in my body
to feel actually the separation between me and other people.
But I started to actually go into tension
because it was authentic.
I started to value that a vulnerability,
authenticity over validation,
and that changed everything.
I've had over the last couple of months
some very challenging conversations
that normally would have been hard to do.
They're easy because they're authentic
where I express to people, how I feel, you know.
Thinking about it, a nice guy,
doesn't really show that they're interested
in someone for awhile.
They're like just being nice and hoping something happens,
versus opening themselves up to be rejected by being like,
this is how I feel the thing I am attracted to you.
They could get rejected,
but they normally won't even say that
because they would just be nice
cause they don't wanna make that woman feel any tension
or guide, whatever the, you know,
whatever the dynamic is because masculine feminine energy
is not specific.
Like there's a general archetype for certain genders,
but it's not, you know, even in same-sex relationships,
it'll be normally one more match than frame
when of the more feminine frame, if there's polarity.
So anyways, this is the most powerful part
of understanding that a boundaries...
Are you setting your own boundaries?
What would you do if somebody licked your face?
Would you be nice? (laughing)
It's kind of weird.
Or would you be like no, what part of you think that's okay.
That's not okay.
Don't ever do that again.
What is authentic?
And I guess you could say it in a nice way.
You could be, oh, you know, like star seed this stuff.
Oh, you're just, I don't know.
I'm just being sarcastic now.
But anyways, that's the part of this
that I think changes everything.
There is something called the frame technique.
It's a very powerful meditation.
If you haven't seen it already,
I'll go ahead and link it below.
Other than that,
I hope you guys enjoyed this video.
And I'm thinking of doing live videos here on YouTube
a couple of times a week.
Is that something you guys would like
bring people on and push people stuff like that?
Let me know.
Like this video, if you want me to do that kind of video.
And other than that as always,
what are your biggest challenges as well with boundaries?
Comment below, I will make a video
and maybe answer all those questions.
So as always peace, much love, and namaste.