Mark: How can you tell if a guy is flirting and interested versus just being kind? How
do you tell a guy that you like him and what do you make of your ex's confusing behavior.
Welcome to Ask Mark. It's week number 61 and we are filming from this beautiful New York
city diner. Yes, we are here. It's a pleasure to be here in this city. Gosh, it's a lovely
city. Oh my goodness. It makes me so happy. Thank you for joining me. We've got Jermia
here with me today answering questions as well. Don't forget you can find her in the
Facebook group. Head over to the Facebook group link in the description. She's there.
My other mastercoaches are there. I'm there answering questions personally, which we're
going to do right now with the first question. Really good one from life tobelived who says,
how can you tell the difference between a man who is being kind versus a man who is
interested? Hmm. Love it.
Jermia: Yup. The main thing you want to assess in this guy who you've got in mind is how
much kind of unnecessary behavior is he doing? You know, how much extra time is he spending
with you? How many extra nice things is he doing for you? How many, how much is he like
kind of unnecessarily touching as opposed to like necessarily touching you if that was,
Mark: Yeah, yeah. If he was being kind and I don't know, he's helping you with groceries
or something, you know, that would be one thing. But if he's then touching you flirty
touch on top. Yeah. Unnecessary touch, unnecessary time, unnecessary conversations. They're the
big things you can look for. Um, other things. A really cheeky, playful vibe. Yeah. You want
to typically get that. Yeah. Yeah. You want typically get that from guys that who are
just being kind to you and being nice. Yeah. Anything else?
Jermia: I don't think so. That'll just kind of nice guys will do their thing. They'll
be on their way and that's kind of it. You know, the, the guy who's interested in you
is going to look for excuses to hang out with you and spend more time with you and do more
things you know for you. Yeah.
Mark: Unnecessarily. Probably, the other thing that you said before was group settings. If
he's, if you're in a group setting with the guy, he'll um, guys who are interested will
put a lot of focus on you guys. We're just being kind. We'll only give the nominal amount
versus the rest of the group members.
Jermia: They want kind of like this, you know, specify you in the group then.
Mark: Yep. So good few things there to look for life. Love the question. Good job. I liked
your answer. Next question is from Miesha and Miesha is from the Facebook group so make
sure you join it picking a few questions from there as well. Miesha says, Hey, I have a
question being seeing a guy for a while and I'm wondering if a guy can tell if you like
him. I talk to so many people and get so many opinions at work about guys and how you need
to tell them directly. I want to, but my face gets all hot. My hands get all sweaty. I stutter
and get this weird feeling in my stomach. Plus I just watched Mark's video about if
you have a bad string of guys that then you want to date someone for longer to assess.
Essentially. If I make it so obvious I like him. Do I really need to tell him? I just
feel like I need a confidence boost.
Jermia: Yeah, you're giving him enough green lights. Then it'll be okay. Like you know,
you'll tell him in your actions. So if you've been seeing this guy for a couple of months,
chances are he already know that you like him. Yeah.
Mark: That was what I found a bit confusing that this post is that I've read through it
initially and I said, okay, this is a guy you don't really know. This is a guy who uhm
think you know, it could be a work colleague or something, someone you've had limited contact
with and you want to tell him that you like him. We have the video as well on how to tell
a guy that you like him. So check that one out. I'll put the link in the description,
but basically, exactly as Jermia says, you tell him with your actions and the reason
his social etiquette, if you go so full on with words to an essential stranger straightaway,
it's just, it's too much. Yeah. It's off putting, it's too much as too, like where did this
come from? Random. So tell what your actions, it sounds like you're doing great there. Yeah.
But yeah. Then in your posts you've said, Hey, I, we've been seeing each other for a
while, which paints a very different scenario.
Jermia: Very different. So in this, it seems more like there's a lack of confidence in
getting over the verbal hurdle of actually saying, yeah, I like you. So then, you know,
every chance you've already given him all the green lights saying, Hey, yeah. Like I
like you, you know, like we hang out all the time and enjoy each other's company,
Mark: You know, as we sleep together, you haven't really mentioned it,
Jermia: So you've given like a lot of the physical signals I would suggest. Um, so in
this, it's kind of a matter of just saying, Hey, I like you. Yeah, he's probably going
to be like, Oh yeah, I know. I like you too. Like...
Mark: That's it. That's it. Sometimes people do struggle in, you might be struggling with
verbal expression of the words like, or love. It's one of those things that, you know, vulnerability
is rewarded. You want to put it out there. You'll form deeper connections when you push
your comfort zone in this area and when you can be vulnerable. When you can say it and
have that person say it back, that's, that's what creates connection. That's what creates
a special stuff that we want to help you have on this channel.
Jermia: And it's scary, but you don't grow from comfort. So yeah, exactly right. Yeah.
There and do it. Exactly right. Believe in you. I went Southern man.
Mark: Did get very solid. We're not in Texas.
Jermia: I'm like, Reebok.
Mark: Last question.
Jermia: I love America.
Mark: I love America too, but I think for different reasons. Uh, here's Margaret. Margaret
says, hi Mark, I've never done this before. So here goes, I found out my ex was on dating
sites and talking to other women. I asked him, he said, that's not cheating. Just chat.
Wow. Oh my God he's right. Uh, anyway, I ended in September last year. From January this
year, he's been texting me. I have told him I don't want to get back. He's an ex for a
reason, but now he has a girlfriend, and I said I was happy he's moved on. I told him
I was going on a holiday in March, and he got a bit annoyed about that. Then he texted saying
how sorry he was and all that. He asked when I was going on holiday, all I said was the
start of March. Would you believe he texted me and asked, what hotel was I in? I said,
why? He said he was at the resort now dying to see me. Right then, I had to tell him that,
Hey, I don't actually arrive until the 10th and he got really upset and said some horrible
things because he leaves on the eighth I don't understand what's going on and what to do.
Is he just playing mind games with me as he keeps telling me he doesn't want me back either.
Help me please. I'm so confused. Margaret
Jermia: Run Margaret, run!
Mark: Margaret he's a psychopath.
Jermia: Oh my God. No! Who just shows up?
Mark: At the resort. How did he even know which resort? That's really, that's like genuinely
scary.
Jermia: Like, not only is he playing games, he needs the help, like that's super not okay.
You can't just show up to your holiday unannounced. He's probably, if he's still got this new
girlfriend, he's like planning the whole, whole day with her just in the hopes to get
to you. That's disgusting behavior.
Mark: Jermia is choked up over here, so I'll take over slightly. Margaret, this is classic,
severe, controlling, manipulative, narcissistic behavior. The moment he feels you moving on,
you know, he knows that on a holiday you're going to be at your best. You're going to
be meeting other people. You're probably going to finally get over him fully. And he's done
everything in his power to stop that happening so you can't get away. So yeah, this is a
dangerous man. Do not associate with him anymore. Remove him from all contacts. Um, it's, it's
purely narcissistic antisocial behavior.
Jermia: He just seeking validation left, right and center. When you guys put together, he's
on dating sites and like, hi, give me all this attention and love. I need this. Despite
having you at home, you guys break up. He went out and got a new girlfriend friend.
Yeah, and he's now like clawing back at you like still love me. Give me attention. Who
knows what else he's doing to, you know, all the women as well, like super, super not okay. Not okay.
Mark: Just be glad you're not his current girlfriend anymore in that you're his ex.
But yes all blocks, Margaret. Bye.
Mark: Thank you for your questions and thank you, New York.
Jermia: Yeah, I got to drink that over that [inaudible]
Mark: Jermia just needs a second to cool down.
Jermia: I'll get a donut.
Mark: Thank you New York for having us. This is our last video here and it's been a beautiful
visit. It's been a beautiful city, met some amazing subscribers, some amazing clients
here. You've just been so welcoming. I'm sad to be leaving, but I will be back, Jermia wi'll
be back with me as well. So we're excited to return to your city soon. Thank you for
joining Ask Mark with us these past few weeks from this beautiful diner which if you want
to know, if you know where it is, I'll still want to hear from you. Don't forget Jermia
is in the Facebook group, as is Brett, my other master coach. I'll be in there as well,
so make sure you join link in the description. As always, hit the like button. Hit the big
red subscribe button with the little bell as you always do, and leave your thoughts,
comments, questions for next week. I'd love to hear them. Mark and Jermia from New York.
Thank you. We'll see you next week.
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