Hello there.
It doesn't take a genius to see
that we are SO resistant to change.
Most of us
treat change as if it's the plague.
We would rather stick to what's familiar to us,
even if it means staying in pain.
Basically we can't stand uncertainty.
I did a whole video on this, you can go check it out on YouTube.
It's called:
How to Deal with Uncertainty
Essentially, uncertainty is the state of being
when something is either not known or not decided.
When something is not known or not decided
relative to a circumstance that causes a stress or pain,
we feel vulnerable, anxious and helpless.
But what I would like to expose today,
is that there is a particular kind of uncertainty
that causes the vast majority
of our unwillingness to change.
I'm going to expose that to you.
Humans are a group species.
What that means is
that over the course of our evolution, our survival
and ability to thrive,
was dependent upon being part of the group.
We're a social species.
We have very real needs that do not go away when we grow older,
which are dependent upon other people being there.
In fact most of the emotional needs
are related to our connection with other people.
Such as the need to feel understood,
and to feel seen, and to feel heard,
and to feel belonging, and to feel connection.
This means when we form bonds with others,
those attachments are very very strong.
We depend on them, so as to not starve emotionally.
and in my opinion
emotional starvation is an even bigger threat than physical,
actual physical starvation
to a physical human.
How do we know this?
We know this because
when you experience somebody going through a heartbreak,
oftentimes they stop eating,
they drop weight dramatically,
they essentially go into a starvation pattern themselves, on a physical level,
which suggests that physical starvation
is not as much of a priority,
as emotional starvation.
We live in a vibrational universe.
Everything that you see is energy
and that energy vibrates.
It is our vibration which determines what we encounter in this life.
Because we live in a universe that is based on the law of attraction.
Now generally speaking,
over the course of someone's life
their vibration will steadily increase.
Because we are here on this earth
to be in alignment with the expansion
of the universe itself.
So what you're watching with an individual growing,
is in fact just a microcosm
of the growth that is occurring within source consciousness,
or "All That Is".
So in a universe based off of the law of attraction,
what do we know?
We know that we can only share the space
or share our reality
with things which are a vibrational match to us.
What does this mean?
It means that if our vibration changes
we run the risk
of not being a match on a vibrational level
to something that was a match to our previous vibration
before we made that shift.
We run the risk of no longer being a match
to the people who we are currently bonded with in our current vibration,
we run the risk of losing them,
we run the risk of losing our connection.
This triggers our attachment based self-preservation system.
We would rather preserve our connection at all cost,
rather than become isolated.
Which is the number one worst fear for the physical human.
It is a torture that far exceeds death.
Because it means death.
We would rather preserve our connection,
even if it means dropping anchor in the stream of expansion
and staying stuck where we are,
in often, excruciating pain.
The base of the uncertainty
that makes it impossible for you to make a change,
is the uncertainty about
whether the people and things that you are connected to
and bonded with right now,
are going to be a match to you once you make that change.
Look at the story that you are telling yourself
about the things that you're scared to change.
I want you to see how at the very root
of each one of those "fears"
is in fact the fear that you're going to be losing your connection
with someone or something
that you don't want to lose connection with.
For example, you may come from a background of poverty
and you may not be making the changes
to create any kind of abundance in your life.
You may tell yourself that you're afraid of success,
but is that really true?
or is it that you fear that by becoming successful
you are going to be shunned by your family,
who has put down rich people all their life,
and made rich people "not one of them"?
Or you may be afraid to make the change to your life
to come out to your parents that you are gay,
because you fear that they will reject you.
Or you may be afraid to move to a different city,
because someone in your family needs you,
and by moving you will feel guilty and bad
because being bad in your childhood,
led to punishments like, timeouts (which is disconnection).
You are convinced that moving means losing your connection to them.
I've come up with a little nickname
for this property within the universe,
I call it "The Catch-Up Effect"
Essentially, anytime you shift your vibration to a higher frequency
by making an improvement to your life,
the things and people in your life
have to essentially vibrationally catch up with
the vibration that you are now in.
Otherwise they will fade out of your experience.
Now before you panic,
I have some good news;
This universe is expanding according to your desire.
So what happens when you love someone
or you want to stay connected with somebody?
You broadcast forth the desire to stay connected to them.
And so what happens?
Vibrationally the universe answers that desire.
That means if you make a shift
and your desire is to stay connected with the other person,
and if the other person's desire is to stay connected to you,
then all people, places and things
and experiences that will facilitate
them catching up to the vibration that you have now shifted into,
will flow into their experience.
Now here's the thing,
the universe does that in kind ways
and super violent ways, as well.
~ Laughter ~
In other words,
by going with the expansion of your life
by making changes to go towards your desire
or towards the improvement,
you turn the heat up on the fire
that is fueling other people's expansion, as well.
A while back
I was in the middle of a deep healing process.
It was an integration process.
And I got to this point within the process,
that I felt like I was on the precipice of shifting my vibration.
I was on the precipice of changing my entire perspective,
of changing my boundaries
and of becoming no longer a vibrational match
to the current partner that I was with.
It scared the crap out of me.
Regardless of the amount
that I may be committed to self growth,
at that moment I felt all the brakes go on.
I started crying and I was like:
"I can't continue with this."
like I know what's on the other side of continuing with this,
because I can literally feel myself
becoming not a match to the people and places and things
and circumstances in my current life,
and I don't see how when I make that shift,
they're going to make that shift.
Essentially I knew that by changing
I was risking potentially losing my partner.
And I couldn't progress
until I actually faced and dealt with
that fear specifically.
I had to become willing, essentially,
for the sake of my own growth,
for the sake of my own happiness,
to risk the loss of my partner
before I was able to proceed.
Fortunately, I was in a relationship with a man who was
equally as committed to self growth as me,
and so he essentially gave me permission to risk that.
He said, don't ever hold your healing back
based off of me.
I don't want to be the anchor in your life,
I'd rather you trust me to catch up.
It scared the crap out of me anyway,
but why do I tell you this story?
Because he did actually later catch up to me,
and he made the shift as well.
But I tell you the story because
I understand how scary it is
to get into a space where you know that by making a positive change,
you're risking losing someone.
And believe me,
I have had plenty of experiences
where by shifting,
I have actually lost people,
where they don't make that vibrational jump with me.
Most people think it would be an absolute delight
to be in a relationship with a spiritual teacher.
What they don't realize is
if someone is completely committed
to growth, to awareness, to expansion,
to ridding the wave of change no matter where it takes them,
The current of energy
flowing through that being
is so incredibly strong
that it essentially turns the fire up on other people,
the fire on other people's expansion,
so high
that they often get burnt by it.
It can be agony to continually be forced to play vibrational catch-up
with someone you're in a relationship with
so as to stay a match to them.
But here's a warning:
The human ego being comparative and competitive in nature,
is tempted to use this game of vibrational Catch-up
as a means to strengthen its own sense of superiority.
So I don't want you to begin using this catch-up effect
as an excuse to fuel your own sense of superiority.
A person who is expanding is not better than anyone else.
They have simply made the choice to ride the current of expansion.
Rather, I want you to use the catch-up effect
to understand what is going on in your life when you make a change
and why you resist change so much.
Even the most unconscious person on Earth,
someone who's completely unaware of all of this dynamic,
is a spiritual being
and so at their core, in a subconscious way,
they are aware that making change
actually causes them to risk disconnection.
So they will resist change like crazy.
Oftentimes what we see
if we're unconscious or even if we are conscious,
is that the pain of staying in the situation
has to become equivalent
to the pain of the uncertainty of losing
whatever you feel like you're going to lose by making that change.
So essentially, you have to get to a point
where there's nothing to lose,
in order to make that jump.
But let me warn you about something;
This universe has absolutely no qualms
about making that choice for you.
Terminal illness, is in fact all about this.
It's the universe putting you in a
"you have nothing more to lose, so change" scenario.
There's an old saying that goes:
"To get what you want you have to let go of what you don't want."
This feels a bit like letting go of one ledge of a cliff,
in the hope that another ledge will catch you.
So it's completely understandable why we would avoid this at all costs.
This is a tormenting degree of uncertainty.
but if you're afraid of change,
I want you to ask yourself:
What or who am I afraid of losing my connection with
by making this change?
So what would I say to somebody
who's suffering from this catch-up effect dynamic in the Universe?
I would say,
that the connection you're afraid of losing,
does not even compare to the connection that you will have
on the other side of that space of uncertainty.
That happens in the middle of change.
But I understand that you don't have proof of that yet.
So I trust
that when the time is right,
you will make whatever decision is right for you.
I would say to them that the real dilemma of living life on earth,
is the fact that upon coming into this life
you essentially committed to expansion.
It's the whole purpose for life at all.
So you can't shirk the current of expansion.
You're not exempt from it.
Because you came here to expand.
When you give rise to new desires
or when it's obvious that there's improvement that needs to be made,
you really have no option,
except for to go in the direction of it.
You don't have to take it from me,
look at your life.
The times that you have known that you have to make a change
and that you haven't,
or that you've given rise to a desire
and yet turned in the opposite direction of it,
by justifying why you can't have that thing,
anything that contradicts going in the direction of it,
what you learn is that you suffer.
Do you want to live your life
being held back in the prison of that pain,
so as to guarantee you will stay connected with someone?
Is it even loving to them to do that?
Or by doing that are you preventing their growth,
expansion, highest happiness and healing too?
Perhaps the Universe is calling you
to make this change for the sake of them, too.
So you can call them into alignment with their expansion.
Wouldn't you rather have relationships
with things and people in your life
where it's about staying a match while you progress together?
Not relationships where someone says:
I am this way,
and you need to stay a match to me
regardless of whether or not
that's in alignment for your expansion and your growth?
Wouldn't you rather have a partner
that looks at you in the face and is able to say:
Don't hold your healing back,
or your happiness back,
or your growth back to stay with me.
What I would rather do,
is to catch up
so that you and I can run together.
So that we can progress together,
so we can grow together.
Wouldn't you rather be this kind of person in relationships also?
It's important that we look at how we're not doing this
when it comes to other people.
How we may be holding them back.
Wouldn't you rather be the kind of person
who can look at somebody in the face and say:
"Don't hold yourself back for my sake,
trust me to make whatever shift I need to make
and by virtue of wanting to stay together,
let's trust that our shifts will allow that to happen."
On a conscious level,
no one wants anyone to hold themselves back.
So what we need to do is to collectively take a deep look at
and to begin healing our trauma
around separation, disconnection and isolation.
Awareness is the principal ingredient to change.
So just becoming aware of the catch-up effect,
and about the fact that it is in fact to blame
for why we do not make the changes that we need to make in our life,
will enable us to look this particular fear straight in the face,
to find resolution for it,
and to eventually move beyond it
so that we can actually make the changes to our life
that will benefit us the most.
Have a good week.
Subtitles by: Tanya Duarte www.tanyaduarte.com