From the company that owns a monopoly on teenage girl fantasies
comes the only film about starving children with it’s own delicious sandwich tie-in!
Subway: be bold, eat fresh!
The Hunger Games: Catching Fire
You’ve seen the first Hunger Games,
now, prepare for the way better follow-up to the thinking girl's Twilight
and watch as this good movie gets hailed as great because everyone wants to be BFF’s
with Jennifer Lawrence.
"I'm sorry, I did a shot before I --"
God, she’s just so down to Earth.
Return to Panem, where it’s taken 75 years for people to get a little bit upset about
the annual child murdering competition
and reunite with Katniss.
Watch as this global role model and feminist icon spends the entire movie
getting saved by boys,
"Duck!"
"Whoa whoa whoa!"
"Get out of my way!"
complaining,
"I don't want anyone looking to me."
"I'm really not in the mood for a lecture."
"So far, I'm not overwhelmed by our choices."
"I should have just eaten the berries in the arena and died like I was supposed to."
being antisocial,
"These tributes are crazy."
"God, does anybody actually believe this?"
"You son of a bitch!"
"You are a strangely dislikeable person."
"I've never been very good at friends."
and getting manipulated to the point where her actions have no effect on the plot at
all.
"You have been our mission from the beginning."
"Better for you to know nothing at all."
Follow Katniss as she must once again choose between Gale, a total hunk
"Hey, Kat-nip."
or Peeta, a total burden to everyone around him.
Whether he’s drowning,
falling,
"Peeta!"
"I can't carry him!"
wandering into a forcefield,
"Peeta no!"
or wandering into a pack of killer monkeys,
nothing will stop Peeta on his neverending quest to escape from the friend-zone.
"What's your favorite color?"
"Now you've stepped over the line."
"Seriously, though, what is it?"
"For you."
"Thank you."
"Nobody needs me."
"I do."
Holy sh*t, it worked!
Not bad, cake boss, not bad.
Join Peeta and Katniss as they spend 12 days riding around on a train,
"You never get off this train!"
even though flying hovercrafts exist in the same movie.
Then gear up for Hunger Games All Stars: Rumble in the Jungle.
Full of new twists like...
older people,
fog herpes,
and the rotating danger zones from Battle Royale.
Meet new competitors like...
Joanna, a hottie who does her best to make Katniss jealous,
Finnick, a hottie who does his best to make Katniss jealous,
and a bunch of new random tributes who die before you even bother to learn their silly
names.
"Not a threat."
So experience a film that’s ultimately just a commercial for the next film...
"This is the revolution, and you are the Mocking Jay."
which will ultimately just be a commercial for the next film...
because now every successful franchise has to drag things out as long as possible.
OK!
We’ll go see the sequels!
Don’t hurt us!
Starring...
J-Hutch
Baby Thor
Jack Bauer’s Dad
Ryan Seacrest
Minecraft
Jeffrey Wrong
Aqualad
Yoda
Stormtroopers
Matthew McConaughey
Jerry Bruckheimer Films
The Claaaaaw
Infinite arrows
And a Totally Average Down to Earth Girl, Just Like You!
The Hunger Games: Catching Fire.
Now THAT’S how Buttercup is supposed to look.
Was that so hard, guys?
Thanks for watching!
Be sure to subscribe and tell us in the comments below what movie you want
to see next.