Mother dear, I have an announcement to make. I am 11 years of age. Do you know what this means?
You're at the ripe age I was when I wed your father who was 72,
senile, and suffering from bone madness.
Correct!
That means I am now a man, free to make my own decisions!
And I have decided to become:
A bodybuilder!
What's this podsnappery, Byron?
You plan to start lifting weights like some kind of circus strongman freak?
No, mother!
A bodybuilder, I wish to assemble grotesque monstrosities and battle them with the abominations of strangers!
And I want to do it, unsupervised.
Oh, very well quite lovely. It's England, sometime in the 1800s, one of the freest times to be a child.
Hello ma'am, your chimneys are cleaner than me lungs are black!
*coughs*
*collapses*
So be it!
I shall set off entirely on my own on a solitary journey of adventure!
Aloysius! Carry my bags and hum dramatically as we exit!
*humming*
Uh-h, someone must have poured this ether on me favorite rag and-
forced me to huff that sweet, sweet vapor.
Professor Nox!
I am Byron Oakington the Third of the tastefully inbred Oakingtons.
I understand you dabble in the science of body builders.
I insist you must owe one such creation unto moi.
You want me to give away one of my rare creations to some mutton-headed child who broke into my lab all willy-nilly?
Aloysius, offer the professor our finest vintage ether: the uh- 68.
Ah, that was a great year for ether...
*Ding*
Behold!
I have constructed a fleshy orb that has sprouted vegetation from its back.
Also lots of scabs. I have dubbed it:
"Bulb of Sores".
Next, I submit for your approval with the speed of a turtle, combined with the
might of a squid.
"Squid Turtle!"
And finally a salamander imbued with the power of flame:
I present Char-
Oh wait, I remember what happened there, right?
Ignore that! Ignore it, we're moving on!
Interesting choices, but none are piquing my interest to choose.
Yes, none pique-
ahh-
choose.
Pretty sure that's not how words work.
Eh, but I have been huffing lots of ether.
*bzzzt*
Ooh, what creature is this?
That little fellow is known as "Failed Rat Experiment 6".
I used galvanism to electrify a common rat, I did.
Truly a wretched being, totally unmarketable.
Splendid, I'll take it.
A wise choice laddie!
Now, come with me.
Let me show you how battling works!
I shall enter "Squid Turtle", and you put in "Electric rat".
Who is - by the way - completely unsettling, and wholly unappealing to children.
Could never support a brand, I imagine.
And whose creature takes first turn?
What in blazes are you yammering about child?
Turns? Turns?! They just go at it!
We left turns behind when we started building
Homunculi for sport, despoiling the will of God Almighty for profit!
Ah, yes, jolly good.
Rat creature, attack!
*it runs up*
*rat creature hitting hard ground*
*bzzzt*
*death cry*
W- well played lad...
Squid Turtle has been completely patty faced!
Making electric rat the victor!
Huzzah!
A mafficking triumph!
What comes next for a young bodybuilder such as mineself?
Well, it's up to you innit?
You can explore the region, capture new and exotic creatures,
form everlasting bonds with your champions,
and also--
Gonna stop you there,
I'm a privileged rich child who has no empathy toward anyone,
really would rather fill some sort of... rival role, you know?
Just messing with the plans of others.
*bzzzt*
*electric rat explodes*
*eye lands*
Jesus wept!
Really, no reaction?
Right. Like I said, zero empathy.
Huh...
That's neat, innit?
*ba-ding*