WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT HAS WON AN OSCAR
AND MULITPLE TONYS. HE'S NOW STARRING IN DISNEY'S
"BEAUTY ON THE BEAST" AND ON BROADWAY IN "PRESENT LAUGHTER."
PLEASE WELCOME, KEVIN KLINE!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE A DAIRY FARMER, BECAUSE
I'VE NEVER SEEN AN AUDIENCE MILKED THAT HARD.
THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE?
YOU HAVE A RARE THING, YOU HAVE COMEDIC DIGNITY.
>> DIGNITY?
>> Stephen: THERE'S DIGNITY ASSOCIATED WITH KEVIN KLINE.
>> DIGNITY?
>> Stephen: WHAT DID YOU THINK I SAY DIGNITY?
>> I FIND DIGNITY RATHER AMUSICIAN, USUALLY.
WHEN IT'S NOT EARNED.
>> Stephen: IT MIGHT BE-- IT MIGHT BE THE LITTLE MUSTACHE.
>> JUST COMING IN FOR THE SHOW I'M DOING ON BROADWAY.
>> Stephen: THAT'S NOT FULLY IN YET?
>> OH, NO.
( LAUGHTER ) I JUST STARTED IT A COUPLE OF
DAYS AGO.
>> Stephen: NOW, IT'S-- THAT WOULD TAKE ME SIX MONTHS.
THAT WOULD TAKE ME SIX MONTHS TO DO.
THAT'S YI ASKED.
I DON'T PRODUCE TESTOSTERONE ANYMORE.
>> NO.
>> Stephen: OH, NO, NO.
>> BUT YOU CAN GET IT.
>> Stephen: I GAVE IT UP FOR LENT.
YOU'RE BACK ON BROADWAY.
HOW LONG SINCE YOU'VE BEEN ON BROADWAY?
>> THEY TELL ME 10 YEARS BUT I THINK IT'S ONLY NINE.
>> Stephen: WHAT IS THE LAST THING YOU DID.
>> SENIORO DEBERKS RGERAK.
>> Stephen: NOW YOU'RE IN "PRESENT LAUGHTER," A NOEL
COWARD PLAY.
I KNOW NOEL COWARD'S MUSICALS BUT I DON'T KNOW HIS PLAYS.
WHAT IS IT ABOUT?
>> IT'S ABOUT AN ACTOR, AN ACTOR WHO HAS BEEN SPOILED QUITE
ROTTEN BY HIS TREMENDOUS SUCCESS AND CELEBRITY, AND IT'S ABOUT
CELEBRITY CULTURE, AND HE'S HOWPPEDDED BY FANS AND
PLAYWRIGHTS WHO WANT HIM TO DO THEIR PLAYS.
HE'S GOING THROUGH A VERY DIFFICULT SORT OF IDENTITY
CRISIS ABOUT "DO I HATE ALL THIS ADORATION OR I DO CRAVE IT?"
AND THE ANSWER IS YES.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: CAN YOU RELATE?
YOU CAN RELATE?
>> NO, IT'S QUITE A STRETCH FOR ME.
( LAUGHTER ) NO, I THINK EVERY ACTOR HAS-- I
DON'T-- WELL, EVER ACTOR THAT I KNOW-- NO, I'M SPEAKING ON
BEHALF OF ALL ACTORS EVERYWHERE IN THE WORLD --
>> Stephen: DO, SPEAK FOR ALL ACTORS.
>> OKAY, I'LL SAY THIS -- >> Stephen: THEY'RE NEEDY.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> THERE ARE CERTAIN THINGS THAT COME WITH THE TERRITORY, WITH
THE JOB-- INSECURITIES, OVER-SECURITIES, OVER-PRAISE
LEADS TO-- WELL, IN MANY WALKS OF LIFE.
WHEN YOU BECOME ICONIC OR REALLY FAMOUS OR REALLY CELEBRATED IT
CAN GO TO ONE'S HEAD.
>> Stephen: RIGHT.
>> AND ONE CAN -- >> Stephen: RUN FOR PRESIDENT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YOUR CHARACTER IS GOING THROUGH
A MIDLIFE CRISIS?
HAVE YOU EXPERIENCED A MIDLIFE CRISIS?
OR ARE YOU STILL LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT?
( LAUGHTER ).
>> I THINK I'M ABOUT TO HAVE ONE.
( LAUGHTER ) I MAY HAVE-- I MAY HAVE SORT OF
ANTICIPATED IT BY MARRYING A BEAUTIFUL, INTELLIGENT WOMAN WHO
IS SEVERAL YEARS MY JUNIOR.
AND SO -- >> Stephen: PHOEBE CAITS.
THE TALENTED PHOEBE CAITS.
EXACTLY.
BY "SEVERAL" HOW MANY IS SEVERAL?
>> WHO'S COUNTING?
PROBABLY 14, 15.
>> Stephen: 16.
>> ALL RIGHT, 16, FINE.
ALL RIGHT, 16.
>> Stephen: NICE WORK IF YOU CAN GET IT.
NOW, YOU HAVE-- YOU HAVE-- YOU HAVE CHILDREN TOGETHER.
YOUR DAUGHTER IS A HIPSTER MUSICIAN IN A BAND CALLED
FRANKIE COSMOS.
>> NOT A HIPSTER.
>> Stephen: MY RESEARCHER SAYS HIPSTER MUSICIAN.
SHE WOULDN'T LIKE THAT?
HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE HER MUSIC, NOT HIPSTER?
>> POST-HIPSTER?
>> Stephen: POST-HIPSTER?
I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT WAS SOMETHING IDEA YT.
>> SHE SINGS BEAUTIFULLY.
SHE WRITES BEAUTIFUL SONGS.
>> Stephen: THERE WAS A-- "THE NEW YORK TIMES" REVIEW OF THE
SHOW SAID THERE WAS A MAN THERE WHO LOOK AID LOT LIKE MR. KLEIN
IN THE BACK OF THE ROOM FILMING AND WAS SEEMINGLY MIFFED AT SOME
RAM BUNKOUS LOUD TALKERS AT THE BAR.
SO YOU WERE THE DAD GOING,"SHUT UP!
SHE'S PLAYING!" IT'S NOT A SCHOOL RECITAL.
IT'S A BAR.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
>> BUT YOU KNOW-- IT'S NOT CARNEGIE HALL, I KNOW.
BUT SHE'S SINGING.
SHUT UP!
YOU KNOW -- >> Stephen: YOU'RE A MUSICIAN
YOURSELF, RIGHT?
>> I WAS.
>> Stephen: YOU WAS?
>> I WAS.
YOU-- YOU-- ( LAUGHTER )
Is.
I STILL IS.
>> Stephen: ANOTHER GOOD.
IS THAT YOUR FALLBACK POSITION?
>> IT'S ALWAYS-- I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT OF IT AS THAT.
WHEN I FALL BACK I CAN ALWAYS BE A REALLY MEDIOCRE PIANIST.
NOTWITHSTANDING THAT, YEAH, THESE GUYS WERE TALKING, AS THEY
DO.
BUT THERE WAS A PERFORMER PERFORMING.
SO I-- I JUST KIND OF GLARED AT THEM, AND THEY COULDN'T HAVE
BEEN LESIMPRESSED.
( LAUGHTER ) LIKE PEOPLE TALK ON CELL PHONES,
YOU KNOW, ON AN AIRPLANE OR SOMETHING.
THAT HAPPENED TO ME ONCE, SOME GUY JUST RIGHT ACROSS THE AISLE
FROM ME, THIS CLOSE, PRACTICALLY.
>> Stephen: ON THE PHONE.
>> "YOU MAY USE YOUR CELL PHONES NOW."
"HEY, LISTEN, LET ME FINISH WHERE WE LEFT OFF.
WE HAVE TO SELL THAT THING!
EXPWTS HE'S YELLING.
AND I'M LOOKING AT HIM LIKE...
( LAUGHTER ) AND OCCASIONALLY HE WOULD BE
TALKING AND OUR EYES WOULD MEET.
AND I'M LIKE... "DO YOU REALLY THINK WE'RE ALL INTERESTED IN
THIS CONVERSATION?
WE'RE NOT."
>> Stephen: HE DIDN'T LOOK FOR A SECOND-- HE DIDN'T SAY, "I'M
BEING SHAMED INTO SILENCE BY KEVIN KLINE.
>> I TRIED LIKE HELL TO SHAME HIM.
AND HE SAID,"BY THE WAY, I'M A HUGE FAN.
I LOVE ALL YOUR WORK."
AND I COULDN'T BE GRACIOUS.
I COULDN'T SAY, "OH, AREN'T YOU SWEET."
I WAS LIKE, I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT BECAUSE YOU'RE A LOUD,
BOORISH, TWIT."
>> Stephen: AGAIN, VERY DIGNIFIED.
>> ALWAYS.
>> Stephen: THE PLAY, AS I SAID BEFORE, IS "PRESENT
LAUGHTER" AT THE ST. JAMES THEATER HERE ON BROADWAY IN NEW
YORK.
BEFORE WE GET GOING.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WOULD DO YOU SOMETHING FOR ME?
>> SURE.
>> Stephen: WOULD DO YOU SOMETHING FOR ME?
I WORK IN A BROADWAY THEATER BUT I NEVER TAKE A BOW.
I NEVER TAKE A BOW.
WOULD YOU SHOW ME HOW TO BOW IN A BROADWAY THEATER?
WOULD YOU SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE A BOW.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WHAT'S THE PROPER-- WHAT'S THE
PROPER WAY TO BOW?
WELL, HOW DO YOU BOW?
>> IT ALL DEPENDS ON HOW THE SHOW WENT.
SOMETIMES I'M VERY TRANSPARENT.
I'M LIKE...
( LAUGHTER ) IF IT WENT POORLY.
IF I DIDN'T LIKE IT.
>> Stephen: DO YOU GRAB HANDS.
DO YOU DO THE GRAB-HANDS THING?
>> IF IT'S ONE OF THOSE COMPANY THINGS.
AND YOU GO...
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HOW DO YOU GET A
STANDING "O"?
I WANT A STANDING "O."
HOW DO YOU GET AT A STANDING "O"?
>> THERE ARE ACTORS WHO ACTUALLY HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO BACK ON TO
THE STAGE AND START THEIR APPLAUSE IN THE WINGS.
>> Stephen: LIKE THIS.
>> HIDDEN IN THE WINGS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) AND THEN THAT'S FAKE-- FALSELY
HUMILITY ONES.
>> Stephen: FALSE HUMILITY.
>> THEY COME OUT AND DO THIS AND THEY'RE LIKE, "OH, NO.
ME?" AND THEN THEY START TO LEAVE--
"YOU'RE STILL HERE."
( APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: HOW ABOUT THIS ONE.
TRY THIS ONE FOR A STANDING "O."
>> A STANDING "O."
>> Stephen: THIS IS MY STANDING "O" ONE.
UNLESS YOU HAVE ONE?
>> NO, I'M OUT.
>> Stephen: READY?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) KEVIN KLINE!
PERFORMANCES OF "PRESENT LAUGHTER" BEGIN THIS FRIDAY AT
THE ST. JAMES THEATER.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JERROD CARMICHAEL.