There once was a girl named Cindy.
If Cindy were an ordinary girl, she would grow up to fall in love with her perfect Prince
Charming.
But Cindy was not an ordinary girl.
Pictured here in her mother's womb, Cindy had a front-row seat to her mother's
doom.
It was not mortal demise, as you might expect.
Rather, stood up at the altar, her wedding, a trainwreck.
Yet another single mom ... but this one was extra jaded!
She vowed to save Cindy from love.
From ever feeling degraded.
So she cooked up a spell.
No, correction - a curse!
Any boy who dares court shall suffer a fate quite perverse.
Be he strapping, or charming, or handsome, or brave, he'll be scorched to the bone and
sent to the grave.
Meet Cindy's first friends!
They promised friendship eternal.
Sadly, friendship with Cindy would prove much more - erm - infernal?
Mr. Snuggles loved Cindy!
So Mr. Snuggles got roasted.
Her first (and last) puppy was summarily toasted.
But friends come and go, so Cindy wasn't contrite.
No!
She attracted plenty new pals to her gleeful delight.
There was that dweeb with the slobber.
The one with the lisp.
The bottle sealed his fate when he was burned to a crisp.
Young Cindy had launched into a chance killing spree.
It was a wonder she didn't develop PTSD.
Twas the eve of her tweens when she felt a pattern was writ.
She was a budding young serial killer, and she did not like it one bit!
But our Cindy was sharp, she'd read all those fairy tales.
And in those stories, the princess always prevails.
This was merely a wretched curse.
A curse she could defeat!
She just needed a Prince Charming, and then she'd be complete.
Cindy was coming of age, in the prime of grade seven.
And the boy next door, why, he had a face just like heaven.
His chivalrous gesture did make her blush ... alas, her love at first sight was a fast-burning
crush.
Quarterback-Chad promised romance, but just wanted to shag.
So she taught him a lesson: don't be a douchebag!
The hopeless romantic pursued love far and wide.
But, local or long-distance, they all just got fried!
Poor Cindy was attracting the wrong type of guy.
So, desperate for love, she'd give outcasts a try.
Beauty's only skin deep.
But this gamer is no keeper.
This rich, mature suitor was just an old creeper.
Her experimental kiss invited Mr. Grim Reaper.
The body count swelling, her love life a fail ... and to make matters worse: a hard-boiled
detective was hot on her trail!
To catch this killer arsonist, he would burn the midnight oil.
But as the trail went cold, it sent his blood to a boil.
You see, Cindy had given up on love!
And really needed a change.
To use her power for good, she concocted something rather strange.
Instead of burning the living, she would burn the already-dead!
Live on-the-water funeral pyres (with very little overhead!)
Cindy's quirky startup, a calling so true, attracted patrons from all over - including
detective you-know-who.
Confronted by the evidence, Cindy's transgressions exposed.
Charged with twelve counts of murder.
The jury unanimous: GUILTY!
Case: closed.
Condemned by her past.
She faced a future alone.
But the detective felt remorse, so he threw her a bone.
Appointed Executioner, Cindy loved her new job!
And watching her thrive made this man's heart throb.
Making the world a better place.
Each in their ideal role.
But their budding love would have to wait, even with parole.
Freedom at last!
But, is this a happy ending, as such, for star-crossed lovers doomed to romance without
touch?
But this moment felt right, to requite their temptation.
But will it be bliss or eternal damnation?
An exhortation on love (some might call it cliche):
Learn to love yourself, and you will light the way!