LADIES AND GENTLEMAN
WELCOME TO THE SHOW, THANK YOU FOR JOINING US
TONIGHT, WE'RE SO HAPPY YOU ARE HERE, THAT'S IT.
WE'RE OUT OF THE GRAGE, WE'RE BACK IN THE STUDIO.
WE'RE ALLOWED BACK IN.
THAT'S RIGHT.
SO GET, YOU KNOW, GET READY TO BE UPGRADED FROM AN
UNDERWHELMING SHOW TO A WHELMING SHOW.
PREPARE TO BE WHELMED.
BUT IT'S LOVELY TO BE BACK.
IT'S SO LOVELY TO SEE JUST A SMALL SMATTERING OF CREW THAT WE
HAVE HERE BUT THAT'S IT.
THE DOORS ARE SALED, NO WAY OUT NOW.
WE'RE GOING TO RIDE THIS WHOLE THING OUT IN A BUN EL.
EVERYONE GOT THE EMAIL RIGHT.
EVERYONE THOUGHT A FAW MONTHS WE'RE CLOSED.
WHAT'S HAPPENING, REG, I LOVE THIS.
>> Reggie: THANKS, MAN, IT'S FEELING GOOD.
>> James: CAN YOU HEAR WHAT I AM SAYING?
>> Reggie: YEAH.
>> James: AND YOU'RE JUST GOING TO WEAR THIS THE WHOLE
SHOW?
>> Reggie: NO, JUST-- I MEAN I JUST WANT TO SEE IF IT WORKS.
>> James: IT DOES WORK.
>> Reggie: YOU CAN HEAR ME CLEARLY.
>> James: WE CAN HEAR YOU CLEARLY IF I WANT TO FEEL LIKE
ARE YOU TALKING TO ME WHILE I'M IN THE BATH.
THAT'S WHAT IT IS.
WELL, IT IS GLORIOUS TO SEE YOU, I AM EVEN HAPPIER THAT I CAN SEE
YOUR FULL FACE, LOOK AT, THAT YOU ARE GORGEOUS.
>> Reggie: I'M BACK, THANK YOU.
>> James: I HAVE ONE, BEFORE WE, ONE PIECE OF BEEF HERE, WHAT
HAS HAPPENED TO THE SET?
>> NO IDEA, WHAT IS WRONG?
>> James: IT IS LIKE A NEW DESK.
>> IT GOT PAINTED.
WE HAD A LITTLE TIME.
>> James: WHAT?
>> WE HAD A LITTLE TIME ON OUR HAND T GOT PAINTED.
>> James: I DIDN'T WANT IT PAINTED.
>> SORRY, WE DIDN'T ASK SWRZ EVERY DAY I THINK OH, I
GENUINELY LOOK AT THE DES DESK, WHEN THE SHOW IS DONE, I WILL
TAKE THIS DESK BECAUSE IT HAS A MARK WHERE THE COFFEE THING WAS,
NOW IT IS LIKE SOME [BLEEP] IKEA.
WHO SANCTIONED SUCH A MOVE?
>> I ACTUALLY DON'T KNOW.
>> James: ARE YOU THE EXEC PRODUCER OF THE SHOW AND I'M A
HOST.
IS THIS A MANSINELLI DECISION?
>> I-- HAD IT PAINTED.
>> James: I MIGHT HAVE TO ASK A NEW DIRECTOR.
AND THEN I WON'T LET YOU KNOW, WILL YOU JUST COME IN ONE DAY
AND YOUR PASS WON'T WORK AND I WILL GO OH, SORRY, I MIGHT HAVE
ASKED FOR A NEW DIRECTOR, TIM, SORRY, I DIDN'T THINK TO RUN IT
PAST YOU.
IT IS NOT WHERE YOU SIT EVERY DAY, NOT ALL THE MAGIC, I'M
USING THAT AGAIN BUSINESS-- GENEROUSLY.
WHAT IF ALL THE MAGIC CAME FROM THE DESK?
SO FAR IT FEELS LIKE IT MIGHT HAVE.
WE'LL FIND OUT, WELL, WE'VE GOT A GOOD SHOW.
WE HAVE A GOOD SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
WE'LL BE CHATTING TO PAUL BETTANY AND THEN LENNY JAMES,
LOOK AT THAT, TWO LONDONERS.
WE WILL HAVE A RIGHT TEARUP, LONGINS IS ON STAGE, KOK KNEE
TEAR UP.
>> LET'S HAVE A TEARUP.
>> YEAH, LET'S HAVE A CARVE UP.
>> I'M INTO IT.
>> LET'S HAVE A CARVE UP.
IAN IS NOT HERE BUT IF YOU WERE HERE IN THE STUDIO AND LOOK AT
WHERE HE NORMALLY SITS IT LOOKS LIKE IAN MIGHT HAVE DIED.
JUST OUT OF RESPECT TO IAN, WE
WON'T TURN THE LIGHTS ON FOR A WEEK.
WE SHOULD START LAYING FLOWERS THERE.
OH, LOOK, JAMES' CRYING, HE IS IS APPROXIMATING IAN SO MUCH.
>> IT'S EMOTIONAL.
WRZ DO YOU REMEMBER THAT TIME WHEN IAN DID THAT BIT.
LET'S PLAY A BEST OF IAN.
WE'LL SOLD QUER ON WITHOUT HIM.
IAN'S LAST ACT IN THE STUDIO.
WAS PAINTING THIS DESK.
GUYS, BIG NEWS, YOU KNOW WHAT I AM GOING TO SAY.
DONALD TRUMP JUST BECAME THE FIRST PRESIDENT IN HISTORY TO BE
IMPEACHED TWICE.
YES.
(APPLAUSE).
>> James: TWICE.
I HOPE TRUMP SUPPORTERS DON'T SUDDENLY BECOME ANGRY AND
VOLATILE ABOUT THIS.
YOU KNOW WHAT IS CRAZY, SO MUCH HAS GONE ON THAT I DON'T
REMEMBER WHAT HE WAS IMPEACHED FOR THE FIRST TIME.
RUSSIA?
SOMETHING TO DO WITH RUSSIA.
>> OH, UKRAINE.
>> James: RIGHT, THAT'S IT.
TWO IMPEACHMENTS.
TWO IMPEACHMENTS AND JUST LIKE TRUMP'S SONS, THE SECOND ONE IS
THE MOST EMBARRASSING.
UNLIKE THE FIRST TIME AROUND, EVEN SOME REPUBLICANS VOTED
TODAY FOR TRUMP'S IMPEACHMENT.
AT ONE POINT COLORADO REPUBLICAN KEN BUCK TRIED TO EXPLAIN AWAY
THAT UGLY SCENE LAST WEEK BY COMPARING IT TO VARIOUS
HOLLYWOOD CELEBRITIES.
TAKE A LOOK.
>> ROBERT DE NIR-- DE NIRO SAID HE WANTED TO PUNCH THE PRESIDENT
IN THE FACE, MADONNA THOUGHT ABOUT BLOWING UP THE WHITE
HOUSE.
KTEE GRIFFIN HELD UP A LIKENESS OF THE PRESIDENT BEHEADED, HEAD.
AND NOTHING WAS SAID BY MY COLLEAGUES AT THAT POINT IN
TIME.
>> James: COME ON, KEN, NO ONE LIKES A NAME DROPPER.
YOU KNOW WHO TOLD ME THAT.
OPRAH.
ALSO, GETTING PUNCHED IN THE FACE BY ROBERT DE NIRO, I
CONSIDER THAT TO BE ONE OF THE HIGHEST HONORS THIS COUNTRY CAN
BESTOW.
NOTHING WOULD MAKE ME HAPPIER THAN IF YOU SAID ROBERT DE NIRO
IS ON THE SHOW, HE IS NOT GOING TO CHAT, HE NOT GOING TO DO A
BIT.
HE IS GOING TO WALK IN AND SOCK YOU RIGHT IN THE MOUTH.
AT ANOTHER POINT REPUBLICAN LAUREN BOEBERT ARGUED THE
DEMOCRAT'S ATTEMPT TO IMPEACH TRUMP WAS ONLY CREATING MORE
DIVISION AN SHE HAD SOME STRONG WORDS FOR EVERYONE.
>> RATHER THAN ACTUALLY HELPING AMERICAN PEOPLE IN THIS TIME, WE
START IMPEACHMENT THAT FURTHER DIVIDES OUR COUNTRY.
I CALL BULL CRAP.
>> WHOA!
>> James: LANG ON A MINUTE.
I APOLOGIZE TO ANYONE WHO HAD TO HEAR THAT.
THAT IS-- THAT'S [BLEEP] CRAZY WHREEP [BLEEP] I'M JUST GLAD SHE
TOOK THE TIME TO SPEAK ON THE FLOOR TODAY BECAUSE NORMALLY ON
A WEDNESDAY SHE IS BUSY GETTING KICKED OUT OF A SEPHORA FOR YOAL
YELLING AT A MANAGER.
THIS TIME A SENATE IMPEACHMENT TRIAL COULD BE A BIT RECOGNIZEY
FOR THE PRESIDENT, MITCH McCONNELL IS APPARENTLY
PLEASED ABOUT TRUMP'S IMPEACHMENT BECAUSE HE THINKS IT
WILL MAKE IT EASIER TO DISTANCE TRUMP FROM THE REPUBLICAN PARTY.
IT'S OFFICIAL, MITCH McCONNELL HAS TURNED HIS BACK ON TRUMP,
WHICH SOMEONE SHOULD HELP HIM BECAUSE USUALLY WHEN MITCH
McCONNELL FLIPS ON HIS BACK-- IT IS HARD FOR HIM TO GET
BACK UP ON THE RIGHT SIDE AGAIN.
NOW THIS ALL SEEMS PROMISING, I KNOW, BUT WATCH OUT BECAUSE
THERE IS ACTUALLY NOTHING MORE DISTURBING THAN THE SIGHT OF A
PLEASED MITCH McCONNELL.
AND AS IF THAT IS NOT ENOUGH, THERE WAS EVEN MORE BAD NEWS ARE
FOR THE PRESIDENT.
THIS MORNING NEW YORK CITY ANNOUNCED IT IS SELFERRINGALL
CONTRACTS WITH THE TRUMP-- SEVERING ALL CONTRACTS
WITH THE TRUMP ORGANIZATION.
START SPREADING THE NEWS.
ONE OF THE CONTRACTS INCLUDED OPERATING THE CAROUSEL AT
CENTRAL PARK.
I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD HAVE ASKED THIS FOUR YEARS AGO, WHAT DOES
THE TRUMP ORGANIZATION DO EXACTLY?
LIKE SHADY REAL ESTATE DEALS, UNSAVORY INTERNATIONAL
TRANSACTIONS, AND MERRY-GO-ROUNDS?
WHAT WHAT BUSINESS WOULD YOU BE SURPRISED BY IF THE TRUMP
ORGANIZATION ORGANIZED IN NEW YORK.
>> Reggie: LIKE MAYBE A GROUP OF PEOPLE THAT JUST SAY LIKE
HEY, I'M WALKING HERE, JUST TO PERPETUATE THE STEREOTYPE OF NEW
YORK.
>> James: THEY ARE ALL PAID EMPLOYEES OF THE CITY, JUST TO
GIVE IT A FLAVOR.
>> Reggie: YEAH.
>> James: HEY, I'M WALKING HERE.
I THINK I COULD PLAY A GOOD GANGSTER IN A MOVIE.
>> Reggie: I THINK YOU SHOULD.
>> James: YOU THINK I COULD DO THAT.
>> Reggie: YOU SHOULD.
>> James: TRUMP, RELAX, FORGET IT.
>> Reggie: YEP.
>> James: THEY CALL HIM SHORT ARM-- HEY, FORGET ABOUT IT,
EXACTLY WHAT I'M SAYING SEE, THE MAGIC WAS IN THE DESK, ROB, I
DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY.
>> WE BLEW IT, I'M SORRY.
>> James: I THINK THAT'S IT NOW, I THINK THIS IS US.
BUT YES, THEY'RE TAKING THE CAROUSEL IN CENTRAL PARK AWAY
FROM HIM.
THEY ARE TAKING AWAY THE CAROUSEL, THIS IS DEVASTATING
NEWS FOR ERIC TRUMP.
BUT THAT'S NOT ALL, GANG.
EVEN AMERICA'S OVERSEAS ALLIES DON'T WANT TO HAVE ANYTHING TO
DO WITH THE TRUMP PRESIDENCY RIGHT NOW.
SECRETARY OF STATE MIKE POMPEO JUST HAD TO CANCEL HIS FINAL
TRIP ABROAD AFTER TOP EUROPEAN LEADERS REFUSED TO MEET WITH
HIM.
HERE IS HOW TOXIC TRUMP'S MD ARGUES IS RIGHT NOW.
EVEN IN THE EU WAS LIKE EWW W-W-W.
SEE?
>> OH NO, OH NO.
>> James: I'M GO BACK TO THE BAR AGE.
I'M GOING BACK.
YOU KNOW WHY THIS DOESN'T WORK?
IT'S GOT A REACTION TO THE LACQUER ON THIS.
[BLEEP].
>> TIM DIDN'T PLUG IT IN.
>> James.
>> >> James: THAT'S AULIFFE'S
GOT, REG, IT IS A SHADY JOB AS WELL.
LOOK WHAT HAS COME OFF-- LOOK AT THAT.
LOOK AT-- NO.
IT'S A SHADY JOB.
>> Reggie: OH MY LORD.
>> James: WE'LL SOLDIER ON, GUYS, BUT I'M--
(APPLAUSE) OH.
DA VINCH-- DA VINCI, WOW.
YEAH.
DA VINCI?
(LAUGHTER) I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD SAY
THIS, I MISS 2020.
(LAUGHTER) LIKE I SAY, EW.
(APPLAUSE) POMPEO ACTUALLY CANCELLED HIS
BIG TRIP ABROAD.
I GUESS FINALLY HE WILL UNDERSTAND WHAT LIFE HAS BEEN
LIKE FOR ALL OF US THESE PAST TEN MONTHS.
MOVING ON IN OTHER NEWS, AFTER AGING IN SPACE FOR MORE THAN A
YEAR SPACEX IS NOW BRINGING A CASE OF BORDEAUX WEINBACH TO
EARTH.
>> WHAT.
>> James: ELON MUSK, HE HAS TOO MUCH MONEY, THAT IS IT, HE
IS USING OUTER SPACE AS A WINE CELL AR.
OH, WHAT ARE WE GOING DO WITH THESE SIX BOTTLES, THERE IS NO
ROOM.
FIRE UP THE ROCKET.
WE'LL KEEP IT UP THERE WHILE WE DRINK THESE.
WINE FROM SPACE, THAT IS ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN, ONE WOBBLY
LEAP FOR MAN KIND.
I WAS NEVER SURE ABOUT THAT JOKE EITHER.
I'M SAYING JOKE, THAT IS BEING VERY FAVORABLE.
BUT I DID HEAR, I DID HEAR THIS, THIS IS A SWROAK, WILL YOU LIKE
THIS, YOU WILL LIKE THIS, I DID HEAR THAT THE WINE TASTES OUT OF
THIS WORLD.
>> AND FINALLY WE WANT TO SHOW YOU THIS, A CHURCH IN BRAZIL
OPENED A TOURIST ATTRACTION WHICH IS BEING CALLED THE
WORLD'S WORST WAX WORK MUSEUM BECAUSE THE FIGURES WILL SO BAD
THAT VISITORS CAN'T RECOGNIZE THE CELEBRITIES, TO GIVE YOU AN
IDEA HOW BAD IT IS, THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE MARILYN MONROE.
THE SCENTED CANDLE IN MY OFFICE LACKS MORE LIKE MARILYN MONROE
THAN THAT.
I STUDIED THE OTHER EXHIBITS.
I HAVE TO BE HONEST, THEY WOULDN'T BE SO BAD IF THEY JUST
LABELED THEM PROPERLY.
AT THE MUSEUM THEY SAY THAT THIS IS ELVIS.
RIGHT, BUT IT'S OBVIOUSLY SHAWN MENDES.
THEY SAY THIS IS PRINCESS DIANA, BUT IT IS OBVIOUSLY TELEVISION
HOST LAURA INGRAM.
AND FINALLY FANS I WANT BANDS, I WANT YOUR GUESSES, DO YOU HAVE
ANY IDEA WHO THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE.
>> DENNIS RODMAN.
>> YOU THINK DENNIS RODMAN, ANYONE ELSE?
>> KAREEM ABDUL.
>> YOU THINK KAREEM ABDUL JABAR?
YOU ARE ALL WRONG WRONG TRK IS NELSON MANDELA.
LOOK AT THAT.