TOP 10 DUMBEST MARVEL SUPERHEROES
Hey guys!
Welcome back to top 10 nerd.
I’m your host kelly paoli and today we’re counting down the top 10 dumbest marvel superheroes.
Now I know we have a lot of other lists counting down the dumbest of the dumb, but for this
one we tried to touch on characters we haven’t really explored before.
Plus, it feels as if Marvel’s a bit better than DC when it comes to hiding the more embarrassing
heroes of their past.
So let’s jump in!
10 Leech So at first, I was like, oh, Leech is like
the poor man’s Groot.
Look at that expression.
He also refers to him in third person.
He’s kind of dumb!
But really, I think he’s just tragic.
So he grew up in the sewers of manhattan and speaks broken english, and is always depicted
real young.
He was orphaned as a toddler - his parents left him to die when his mutations became
apparent.
So what can he do?
He can suppress, neutralize and negate the powers of mutants in close proximity to him.
WHICH IS SUPER COOL.
And then I realized how he’s portrayed in the X-Men films.
Yep, he’s that kind of annoying bald kid Kitty Pyrde has to save in The Last Stand.
What happened to making him green?
And cool?
Nah he’s just some kid who eventually grows hair by the end of the film.
Cool.
9 Dazzler A mutant who was inspired by a cross promotion
with Casablanca Records and was suppose to be modelled after KISS?
Yep, Dazzler was always set up for failure.
She’s a trained singer, actress and dancer.
But wait guys, she’s a quadruple threat - she’s a highly accomplished roller skater
to boot.
So what are Dazzlers superpowers, aside rocking the roller derby?
Well she’s got the ability to convert sound into light beams of various forms and intensity.
8 Captain Ultra In at our next number is a dude who looks
like he’s trying real hard, Captain Ultra aka Griffin Gogol.
Gogol is a plumber who was tricked by an old man who couldn’t pay his bill - the old
man was a psychologist who offered to cure his smoking habit instead, but in the process
the hypnosis unleashes Gogol’s superhuman potential…because it was deeply hidden within
his psyche?
K. He goes around tapping into his ‘ultra potential’ which basically give him the
exact same powers as Superman.
Gotcha.
Best part is?
The hypnosis did kind of work - he becomes extremely afraid of fire, to the point when
someone tries to light a cigarette, he’ll usually faint if he sees the flame.
7 Awesome Android Awesome Android started off as a villain and
then, well, kinda just became a dude with super powers who did stuff.
So first off, this is what he looks like.
Alright.
Keep that visual in your mind.
So Awesome Android started off as an AI that Mad Thinker created based on Mr Fantastic.
And I guess he’s like kay cool let’s name him AWESOME ANDROID CAUSE HE’S REAL AWESOME.
Dope.
Turns out the life of crime and villainy wasn’t something AA was up for - he eventually rebels
against Mad Thinker and goes to the law firm Goodman, Lieber Kurtzberg and Holliway to
seek legal aid.
And then he starts WORKING THERE.
And wears a tie.
Need I say more?
6 US 1 A hero inspired by the good ol USA love of
trucking and trucks and truck culture - which is exactly what all comic book readers wanted
to read about in 1983 according to the team of geniuses over at Marvel - US felt like
an over dramatic hero consumed by the tragedies that come with 18 wheelers.
Plus his brother was murdered by a trucker known as the highwayman, and this was the
accident that gave him his one power - THE ABILITY TO PICK UP TRANSMISSIONS.
Because of a metal plate in his head.
Great for a job in broadcast, bad for a superhero.
5 3D Man 3D man was an homage to the Joe Simon and
Jack Kirby character Captain 3-D who would’ve made this list if he were a marvel character.
And he was suppose to be a commentary on contemporary societal themes back in the 70s, despite his
adventures taking place in the 50s.
So this character consists of two brothers - one named Chuck who, after being exposed
to radiation, became a 2D image imprinted on the lenses of his glasses, and his handicapped
brother Hal who wore those glasses.
When Hal concentrated real hard, he triggered a dimensional shift causing Chuck to materialize
into this hero.
But eventually Hal got bored and stopped wearing the glasses, leaving Chuck to float around
in another dimension.
4 Orka So Orka technically started off as a super
villain, having a tendency to fight with Marvel’s aquatic loving hero, Namor.
So what can this dude do?
He’s an atlantean and has all those atlantean perks, but he also used to wear a belt that
let him psionically control killer whales.
Yes, he could use killer whales to beat the shit out of his enemies.
He would communicate with them via high pitched whistles.
Eventually, he joined the Heroes for Hire after the events of civil war, but his career
as a hero didn’t last too long - he’s killed by one of Doctor Doom’s robotic copies,
a Doombot.
3 Bird-Brain I almost feel bad for bird brain.
Look at him.
I mean, his claws say death but his expression screams needy for friendship.
So bird brain was created by an insane geneticist named Ani-Mator, who would make all of his
creations endure some pretty cruel experiments.
Bird Brain escapes Ani-Mator’s island though and manages to befriend the New Mutants.
They try to assimilate him into regular society, which his eating habits don’t help - he
has zero will power in the hunger department - and he feels guilt for leaving Ani-Mator’s
other creations on the island, so he and the New Mutants go back to free them all.
2 Speedball First off, dumb name.
You guys know what a speedball is, right?
Cocaine mixed with either heroin or morphine.
Yeah.
Alright so Robbie Baldwin became Speedball after an accident at the Hammond Research
Laboratory when scientists try to tap into a mysterious other dimensional energy force.
He’s bombarded by that energy and finds himself surrounded by energy balls and already
clad in a costume.
Convenient.
He generates kinetic energy, calls himself Speedball and eventually discovers that a
cat named Neils who was also present at the accident has the same powers.
Speedball then tries to catch this cat, hoping that studying it will give him better control
of his powers.
Then renames it Hairball.
Dude, get more creative.
1 Frog Man First appearing in Marvel Team Up 121 in 1982,
Frog Man is the son of a retired super villain named Leap Frog.
Wearing daddy dearest’s costume, he immediately became the running butt of jokes, with his
success in capturing villains usually being due to sheer luck.
Despite his short comings, Frog Man was all set to join the Defenders.
But his father wasn’t having any of that - so much so that he dragged him home, publicly
humiliating Frog Man in front of not only the team, but also in front of the media too.
Oh, and also worth noting - Frog Man has no powers.
Just electrical coils in his suit that lets him leap far.
Which is surely useful against all the super villains who can fly or do other immensely
powerful things with their powers.
Yep.
There we have it friends!
What marvel superheroes do you think are dumb?
Give us a shout in those comments below.
And if you want us to do more lists like this, perhaps on dumb marvel super villains, make
sure you let us know!
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I’ve been Kelly Paoli for top 10 nerd and I’ll catch you guys in the next one!