Hey people. Today I wanted to try something new. I will read a fairytale from "Die Schönsten Märchen".
I'm calling it "Storytime with Mr. Antrim". Ok. It's starting.
Red Riding Hood from the Brothers Grimm.
There once was a sweet little girl, who loved everyone who would just look at her, but most of all the grandmother who didn't know what all she should give the girl.
One time she gave her a cap made out of red velvet and because she liked it so much that she didn't want to wear anything else, she was called Little Red Riding Hood.
One day her mother said to her, "Come Red Riding Hood, since you have a piece of cake and a bottle of wine, bring it to your grandmother; she is sick and weak and this will refresh her.
Get up before it gets hot and if you are going out, go nicely, quietly and don't walk off of the path. Otherwise you will fall and break the glass and your grandmother will get nothing.
And when you walk into her livingroom, don't forget to say good morning and don't look around in every corner.
"I want to do everything well." said Red Riding Hood to the mother and gave her her word on it.
When Red Riding Hood went into the forest she met the wolf. Red Riding Hood didn't know what kind of an evil animal it was and didn't fear him. "Hello, Red Riding Hood" spoke the wolf.
"Thank you, Wolf" -"To where so early?" -"To Grandmother." -"What are you carrying under the apron?"
"Cake and wine. Yesterday we baked, this should do the sick and weak grandmother som good and she will get stronger because of it."
"Red Riding Hood, where does your grandmother live?" -"Another quarter of an hour into the forest, under the three large oak trees. There stands her house."
Underneath there is a hedgerow, that you already know." said Red Riding Hood.
The wolf thought to himself, "That young sweet thing. That is a fat bite. It would taste better than the old one."
"You have to be cunning in order to get them both." He went for a while next to Red Riding Hood then he said, "Red Riding Hood, see those pretty flowers that are around here, why don't you look at them?"
"I believe you don't hear how lovely the birds are singing. You are walking like you are going to school."
"and there is so much fun in the forest."
So this dumb girl walked to and fro in the forest and took a few flowers. She said that the grandmother would like them. In the meantime, however, the wolf went to the grandmother. He ate her as she was lying in bed.
The wolf laughed himself to death. The wolf was also a transvestite and put on the clothes of the grandmother.
He was so tired and so he layed down in the grandmother's bed.
Red Riding Hood came in the house and said, "Oh, you have big eyes, Grandmother!" The wolf said back, "Yeah, but I can't see with them very well."
"You also have big ears." said Red Riding Hood. "Yeah, but they don't catch sound so well in my age." said the wolf.
"You have such a large mouth!" said Red Riding Hood. "Yeah, that works well. I can still eat. Now it is your turn." replied the wolf.
Then he ate Red Riding Hood. The wolf was satisfied and was very full. He had filled himself so much that he fell asleep. He snored so loud,
if there were other people around they could hear him.
A hunter came by and heard the snoring. He came in the house and saw the wolf. He thought "The wolf could have eaten the grandmother."
I don't know why, but he thought that the grandmother could still be alive. He cut the belly of the wolf open and the grandmother and Red Riding Hood were still alive.
How does that work? I don't know. It makes no sense.
The wolf must have open his mouth like a snake and ate them both in one gulp.
That means that this wolf was a gigantically large wolf. He had two entire people in his stomach.
How could the bed hold the wolf? The bed must have also been very large. Ok, back to the story. When the grandmother and Red Riding Hood came out,
the wolf didn't wake up. He was still asleep. Red Riding Hood had a good idea. She layed a bunch of large stones in the belly of the wolf. The wolf woke up and wanted to go.
He stood up and because the stones were so heavy, he fell dead to the ground. I believe it went a little differently. There was a large hole in the belly of the wolf and he bled so much that he died.
These stones were not necessary. What was necessary was a mop and a new bed for the grandmother, because there was so much blood on the floor and bed.
Why didn't the Brothers Grimm think about that? Why didn't they hold onto a little bit of reality and believability?
This fairytale makes no sense. I hate this book. I'm done. Bye.