[ Background sounds ]
[ Applause ]
>> People matter.
And interacting
with those people positively,
genuinely, and creatively should
be normal and not abnormal.
And I believe that the way
to transform that lofty,
abstract philosophy
into a concrete reality is
to challenge ourselves
and other people
to take positive, social risks.
I want to share a story
that I feel like helps break
down what it is
to take a positive social risk
and gives you a picture
of that transformation.
But to organization some
of the chaos that goes
on up here,
I want to divide the space
into a couple of sections.
First chunk we're going
to call our own interpersonal
comfort zone.
So this is where
we're comfortable.
The outcomes
of our social interactions
are certain.
Life is both predictable
and familiar in this space.
Over here is a pile
of boxes we're going
to let represent our own
anxious bump.
So the further we get
from our comfort zone
and the closer we get
to our anxious bump,
life becomes more uncertain,
more unpredictable,
more unfamiliar,
and more uncomfortable.
And all of those "un" words pile
up to form a barrier
that separates and isolates us
from other people.
Comfort zone.
Anxious bump.
So rewind to a few weeks ago.
I'm hopping on a bus on my way
to Boston to pick up my grandma
from the airport.
And as the bus starts moving,
I'm struck at how silent this
crowded bus is.
And so I'm thinking to myself,
if there is any place
to test whether a positive
social risk can transform the
way that you experience the
world, this is the place.
So I start looking
around for a person
who I can connect
with genuinely; and the more
that I look around,
the closer I get to here,
until my heart rate is
about right here;
and I look down at the person
next to me, and I say "Hey,
what's the Jason Project
on your hat all about?"
And he looks up confused,
and then his face lights up;
and he starts giving me all this
information
about what the Jason project is,
how he worked
with Robert Ballard,
the dude who discovered the
Titanic; and all this passion
starts flinging out.
In that moment I realized
that all the unpredictability
and the uncertainty
and the discomfort
and the anxiety that I brought
with me to that interaction was
gone, and I was certain
that that conversation
with Henry freakin' rocked.
[laughter] But the skeptic in me
as I was thinking
about that was saying, really --
does every positive social risk
that I take really end
up in this miraculous great
conversation with Henrys
on grim bus rides?
Nope. Have I said some things
to people that have ended
in mildly awkward situations?
Yep. [laughter]
>> Just the other day I was
walking down the street
with a friend, and I saw a girl
across the street wearing the
same color lime green jacket
as I was.
And so with the wholly positive
intention of connecting
with another human being,
I looked at her and said, "Hey,
love the lime green jacket.
It's a great color on us."
And I got shut down hard.
[laughter] Got shut down hard
with a [sound effect]
and a beautifully arched
eye roll.
[laughter] But I was thinking
though about what actually
happened --
that was a failed positive
social risk.
But what actually happened
besides the dent to my ego
that was magnified by the fact
that she was a 4th grader --
[laughter].
Nothing happened.
She kept walking
and I kept walking
and our days went on.
And that's when I realized
that taking a positive social
risk is not
about whether you fail
or you succeed.
Taking a positive social risk is
about stretching yourself
outside of your comfort zone,
over your own anxious bump,
wherever that might be,
so that over here you can begin
to see people as people
with depth and stories,
feelings, fears, and aspirations
and not as objects
that move around,
get in your way,
or vehicles
that serve your purposes.
And when you begin to see people
as real people,
the barrier that separates
and isolates us
from other people begins
to disappear.
So I'm standing up here blabbing
on about stretching yourself
interpersonally
and taking positive social risks
and disrupting your pattern
of social interaction.
And so I want
to follow my own darn advice.
So the pattern
of the interaction
that we are having right now is
that I get up and say some words
and then you clap.
I want to shatter
that right now.
I want absolutely none of you
to clap, but I invite all of you
to stand with me.
Stand with me.
And in a minute,
when I say the word "connect,"
I want you to turn
to a person next to you
that you do not know
and have never met.
Look into their eyes,
introduce yourself,
and share a piece
of who you are.
Share what you are most
passionate about in life
right now.
Listen deeply to each other;
and again, let your applause be
the sounds of your voices
connecting in here
and out there.
Don't clap.
[laughter]
Connect.
[ Background conversations ]