-Due to the coronavirus outbreak,
many events that people look forward to every year
have been postponed or called off completely.
Yesterday, towns across the country
were forced to cancel their Easter parades.
Well, we here at "Late Night"
couldn't stand by and let that happen,
so here is one of my writers, Amber Ruffin,
with the world's first quarantine Easter parade.
-Hello. I'm Amber Ruffin,
and I'm wearing a gown because I feel like it.
Now, I love parades.
And I don't think we should all have to miss out
on the fun of Easter parades just because
we're all locked up in our houses.
So I'm throwing an Easter quarantine parade
for you, right now, from my house.
♪♪
Oh! And here comes the first float.
Let's take a look.
Our first float in the Easter quarantine parade is, of course,
the alcohols of quarantine.
Oh, I see there's vodka, everyone's favorite,
and his best friend, tequila.
Not my favorite brand, but it was on sale, so I got two.
And triple sec.
You can't have a margarita without triple sec --
that is, until all your triple sec runs out.
Then you can...and will!
Now, those are all, of course, evening drinks.
During the day, it's Moscato!
Ah! And here comes the second float
in the Easter quarantine parade, jeans and bras!
Now, fun fact about these jeans --
I haven't worn them for over 27 days
and I don't know if I ever will again.
And speaking of things I'll never wear again, bras.
By the way, today's parade is sponsored by margaritas.
Margaritas, thank you. I love you.
Up next, oh, it's the tangerines!
A very personal Easter quarantine float
for me, because once every two weeks,
my husband buys a giant bag of tangerines.
Now, we have a mix of fresh ones and old ones.
Fun fact -- I've never seen my husband eat a tangerine.
He buys them, brings them home, and never throws them away!
Let's hear it for tangerines.
Oh, we've got a beautiful crowd out there.
Let's take a look.
Now, we've got a big, shiny bulldog,
Mommy and Daddy, and some lucky cats.
Mommy and Daddy -- the only things keeping the peace
between the bulldog and the cats.
Good job, Mommy and Daddy.
Next up, books!
That's right -- that big, fat pile of books
you planned on reading during the quarantine
is still there waiting for you to crack
at least one of them open.
Sorry, books.
I guess you'll have to wait for the next pandemic.
Next up, a favorite of the Easter quarantine parade.
It's a dozen chocolate-chip cookies!
Now, these cookies -- Wait. Where are these cookies?
Oh, that's right.
They were eaten seconds after coming out of the oven
instead of dinner because we're more animal than human now.
Kind of funny anyone actually thought
that they would survive until the next day.
And, of course, the final float in
the Easter quarantine parade, a Zoom meeting!
That's right -- your least-favorite colleagues
all on one screen!
Now, that's it for the quarantine Easter parade.
I'd like to thank everyone who made the time to come out today,
especially Mommy and Daddy.
I'd also like to thank our sponsor, margaritas.
Margaritas -- if it weren't for them,
I would have murdered my husband by now, with a tangerine.
That's it for us.
Back you to, Seth.
-Thank you to Amber Ruffin. We'll be right back.