- HOW MANY OF Y'ALL ARE ON FACEBOOK HERE?
PEOPLE--ALL RIGHT.
[cheers and applause]
WELL, A LOT OF TIMES PEOPLE POST THINGS
THAT ARE REALLY, REALLY FUNNY,
AND--WHETHER THEY MEAN TO BE OR NOT--
SO I THOUGHT I'D SHOW YOU SOME.
IT'S A SEGMENT WE CALL IN YOUR FACEBOOK.
[laughter]
- [singing] ONE, TWO, THREE
[funky music]
[scattered laughter]
- ALL RIGHT, SO THESE ARE REAL FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATES
AND COMMENTS--
REAL-- WE'RE NOT MAKING THEM UP.
SARAH SAYS, "I THINK ABOUT HIM 31-7
BECAUSE HE'S ON MY MIND EVEN WHEN I'M SLEEPING."
AND...
[laughter]
KEVIN SAYS, "THERE'S STILL 24 HOURS IN A DAY
WHEN YOU'RE SLEEPING."
[laughter]
SARAH SAYS, "WAIT. WHAT?"
[laughter]
MARK SAYS, "WHAT DOES BRB MEAN?"
AND ABBY SAYS, "BE RIGHT BACK."
MARK SAYS, "OKAY, WILL YOU LET ME KNOW
WHEN YOU COME BACK?"
[laughter]
SKY SAYS, "WHAT'S OBAMA'S LAST NAME?"
DEVIN SAYS, "OBAMA."
SKY SAYS, "YEAH, WHAT'S HIS LAST NAME?"
[laughter and applause]
WOW.
CORRE SAYS, "STUPID TRAFFIC, GO HOME."
AND HUNTER SAYS, "I THINK THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE TRYING TO DO."
[laughter]
LIZ D'ONOFRIO SAYS,
"I JUST ANSWERED AN UNKNOWN NUMBER
"BECAUSE I ACTUALLY THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE ELLEN DEGENERES.
I NEVER, EVER WANT TO MISS THAT CALL."
[laughter]
I WANT TO SEE IF SHE REALLY MEANS IT.
[audience exclaims]
[cheers and applause]
I NEVER WANT TO LOSE THIS PHONE, NO MATTER HOW OLD IT GETS.
[laughter]
[line trilling]
- HELLO.
- LIZ? - UH-HUH.
- HEY, LIZ, DO YOU KNOW WHO THIS IS?
- UH, NO, I DON'T.
- I'LL GIVE YOU A HINT.
IT'S ELLEN DEGENERES.
[laughter]
- [gasps] OH, MY GOD.
- HI.
- WAIT. WAIT.
IS THIS--
IS THIS REALLY-- IS THIS REALLY ELLEN?
- HUH?
- YOU--YOU'RE REALLY CALLING ME RIGHT NOW?
- I REALLY AM.
WEREN'T YOU EXPECTING ME TO CALL?
- OH, MY GOD!
- THE REASON--
- THIS IS SO COOL.
- ISN'T THIS GREAT?
YEAH, I JUST SAW THAT YOU SAID THAT ON FACEBOOK,
YOU ANSWERED AN UNKNOWN CALL
BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE ME,
SO I WANTED TO SEE IF YOU REALLY MEANT IT
AND YOU WOULD ANSWER AN UNKNOWN CALL.
- I COMPLETELY MEANT IT.
- YEAH. ALL RIGHT.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING RIGHT NOW?
- UM, I'M AT WORK RIGHT NOW.
- OH. WHERE DO YOU WORK?
WHAT DO YOU DO?
- I WORK AT THE CHILDREN'S ROOM IN ARLINGTON, MASSACHUSETTS.
WE OFFER SUPPORT GROUPS
FOR GRIEVING CHILDREN AND THEIR FAMILIES.
- OH, WELL, THAT'S A WONDERFUL THING, LIZ.
GOOD FOR YOU. - WELL, WELL, THANK YOU.
YEAH, I MEAN, I JUST STARTED HERE DOING SOCIAL WORK.
SO WE HAVE SUPPORT GROUPS THAT WE RUN AT NIGHT.
- AH, I LOVE YOU MORE THAN--
I'M SO GLAD I CALLED YOU.
WELL, ONE THING-- - THANK YOU.
- I WANT TO BRING YOU OUT HERE.
I WANT YOU TO COME TO THE SHOW, AND I WANT TO MEET YOU.
AND... - OH, MY GOD.
- SO DO THAT. - WAIT. WAIT.
REALLY?
- YEAH, OF COURSE. OF COURSE.
I WAS ACTUALLY CALLING YOU FOR SOMETHING ELSE,
BUT NOW THAT I TALKED TO YOU, I WANT YOU TO COME TO THE SHOW.
I WAS CALLING TO SEE IF YOU BOUGHT MY NEW CD YET.
ELLEN'S "I'M GONNA MAKE YOU DANCE JAMS,"
HAVE YOU BOUGHT THAT YET?
- I DID. I DID BUY IT.
I BOUGHT IT A COUPLE DAYS AGO. - OH, I'M SO GLAD.
I WAS GONNA SEND YOU A COPY, BUT I'LL SEND YOU--
SO YOU'LL HAVE TWO.
YOU'LL HAVE ONE FOR YOUR CAR AND ONE FOR, UH, YOUR HOUSE.
AND... - THAT IS PERFECT.
- THAT'S WHAT I WAS ACTUALLY CALLING FOR,
BUT NOW I'M GONNA MEET YOU.
YOU'LL COME TO THE SHOW WHENEVER--
WHEN I HANG UP, A PRODUCER WILL CALL YOU BACK,
AND WE'LL ARRANGE IT, OKAY?
I MEAN, YOU--
- OH, MY GOD, THIS IS SO AMAZING!
- YOU HAVE TO GET YOURSELF OUT HERE.
I'M NOT FLYING YOU OUT, BUT--
- I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING.
THIS IS LIKE THE CRAZIEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
- NO, I'M KIDDING.
WE'RE GONNA FLY YOU OUT AND PUT YOU UP AND...
SO, ALL RIGHT, SO, LIZ, I'LL MEET YOU SOON, OKAY?
- OKAY, GREAT. THANK YOU.
- ALL RIGHT, THANKS FOR ANSWERING THE PHONE.
- OKAY. ANYTIME. - ALL RIGHT, BYE.
- OKAY. - ALL RIGHT.
[cheers and applause]
THAT'S GREAT.
[applause continues]
I WAS CALLING TO TELL HER ABOUT MY NEW CD.
IT'S IN STORES NOW,
AND EVERYBODY IN THE AUDIENCE
IS GOING HOME WITH A COPY AS WELL.
[cheers and applause]
WE'LL BE BACK.