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This is a picture of my family from 20 years ago.
I know what you're thinking, I was a super cute kid.
>> [LAUGH] >> My mom is an incredible chef.
Every time I go home, she makes all of my favorites,
from springrolls to roasted pork.
Ever since I can remember, my family ate dinner together every single night.
You see, my parents wanted some consistency in our lives.
We moved six times before I turned the age of 12, and
as a shy kid, I had a hard time speaking up in class.
It was a different story at the dinner table though.
Over the years I made a number of updates,
such as how I got the leading role of John Adams, yes, John Adams.
>> [LAUGH] >> In the 5th grade school play,
to explain to them what prom was.
And as the years went by, my parents also gave their own updates.
My parents talked about how it was really difficult for
them to immigrate to the United States, having to leave our grandparents behind.
And my brother also talked about how middle school was tough and bullies,
they were the worst.
We would eat, talk and reconnect.
Time slowed down for us, and it was my favorite part of the day.
Consistent family dinners have numerous benefits.
But as I think about the way that we eat meals now,
it makes me wonder if this timeless tradition is disappearing.
As future leaders and future parents, it is our responsibility to save this art.
The benefits of family dinner have been studied for decades.
Columbia University found that children who ate at least
five times a week with their parents were more likely to do well in school and
four times less likely to smoke.
What they also found was that these same kids were more liking to say that their
parents were proud of them,
that their parents are the people that they confide to.
In just 30 minutes a day,
parents were able to foster stronger relationships with their parents.
How many of you in this room are current parents or
want to be parents in the future?
So most of the room.
So what's the problem, we have to eat anyways, so why not eat together?
And even if you don't have a family just yet, you can go home to your parents,
to your roommates, to your loved ones, to your chosen family.
The problem though is that the way that we eat meals now
contrasts with the fundamentals of a family dinner.
And there are three reasons why.
The first is that we're used to eating alone now.
Dinner has become a nutritional transaction.
We can DoorDash anything we want, have it in 30 minutes and
eat it on our couch alone.
In fact, 50% of meals are now eaten alone.
I get it, it's been a long day, all you want to do is relax.
But are meals the time for us to do so?
And when we have families will we all eat alone so
that we can recharge independently?
It's not just eating alone though, distractions are now everywhere.
Smartphones have given us access to information in seconds, but
they've also given us an excuse not to engage with one another.
The Huffington Post asked millennials, what does meal time mean to you?
And we responded with it's a time to multitask.
We can watch Netflix, we can catch up on emails.
A family dinner requires that all of us are present.
If you're not there to talk about something, you're there to listen and
to support.
How can we do that if we're constantly glued to our devices?
And if that wasn't enough, work-life balance is just hard to achieve nowadays.
I mean, we're in Silicon Valley,
we all know to well the perks of working at our neighborhood tech company.
Three comp meals a day, unlimited snack bars.
From that weekly road warrior to that employee who stays just a little bit
longer to squeeze out that extra meal and do a little bit more work.
Our jobs have a way of influencing how we end our days.
I mean, we're individuals now, so we can make a decision.
But what happens when we have families?
Will you be willing to leave on time every single night to get home to your family so
you can have dinner together?
Every generation wants more, more time, more speed,
more convenience, how will we defend the family dinner?
I'm looking at the answer right now, I'm looking at future leaders.
As we've seen, policies can have really great benefits,
but a lot of unintended side effects.
When Uber was reviewed by Eric Holder, one of the first things that he changed
was he moved the company catered dinner time from 8:15 to 7 PM.
He wanted it to signal the end of the day.
YouTube's CEO makes it a point to have dinner with her family every single night.
She says, I try because if I can make it home for
dinner, I can get the scoop from my kids on their day.
We have policies like maternity leave and paternity leave for new parents.
We should also have policies that promote family time when those new
parents return to work.
As future leaders, we have the opportunity to prioritize family
dinners within our organizations, so let's do it with intention.
You're not just future leaders though, you're also future parents.
Parents set the traditions at the family dinner table.
Time Magazine did a study where they compared those with devices at the table
to those without devices.
Those without devices, they enjoyed their meals more, less distracted and
more engaged.
My mom worked a full-time job and
she committed three hours a day to make ends meet for us.
Yet every night when she came home we ate dinner together without distractions.
I am forever grateful to her for that, and
I want to see a family dinner at every single table.
I was reading a magazine a few weeks ago, and I came across this quote,
to eat is a necessity, but to eat intelligently is an art.
What does he mean by intelligently, is it a keto thing?
>> [LAUGH] >> For me, to eat intelligently is
to move beyond eating alone to actually gathering at the table.
To move beyond our everyday distractions and to being present for one another.
To move beyond just having a meal to having a conversation.
For me, to eat is a necessity, but to eat together is an art.
I recently returned home for the holidays, and
like clockwork at 6:30, my parents called us down for dinner.
As you can see, my mom still makes all of my favorite dishes.
Over our meal, my brother told us how he had been selected to be in a recruiting
video at work.
My parents asked us when we could take our family portraits together.
I shared that I would be giving this low keynote.
The clinking of the dishes, my brother's cackling laugh,
I sat there in bliss, so happy to be home.
Let's bring dinner back where it belongs, together and at the table.
>> [APPLAUSE]
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