Hi guys, I'm Onision
And this is 10 Things I Hate About Girlfriends
The first thing they do,
Is never offer to pay for anything:
So, I'll order the pizza?
Yeah...
Uh,
With my money?
Yeah!
Even though I know for a fact,
That you're extremely wealthy?
Yeah!
Cool.
A lot of Girlfriends never tell you what they want,
But then complain when it's too late to do something about it:
You haven't gone down on me in weeks!
Did you ask me to?
No...
So, like, I can't build a time machine.
Well, I'm pissed now!
Then maybe, you should've said something!
You should've read my mind!
GOD DAMN IT WOMAN!
A lot of girlfriends are painfully shy, and that's SUPER annoying:
Can you call the utility company about our bill?
No, I'm scared...
Scared of what?
I'm scared to TALK to them?
WHY?
Because I'm Fucking Stupid?
I agree wholeheartedly...
They get SUPER jealous,
When it makes absolutely NO sense:
It's OK if you look at porn, I don't mind.
Ok, well, I do.
You look at porn?!
Yes... Sometimes... I do...
OMG, those pictures are gonna steal you away from me!
How?
Because they're gonna crawl out of the computer screen, and Fuck you!
Because, logically, that's the only reason that I can be upset about this...
What?! My computer can have sex with me? Oh, this is AWESOME!!!
UGH!!!
They act like you're horrible, just for being born a male:
Do you ever think about other women?
Uh, yes, like, all the time.
WHAT?!
Well, I have MILLIONS of sperm,
inside me, SCREAMING to get out,
And, you can only get pregnant like, once every nine months,
But me, I can impregnate people like, every single day!
What does that have to do with anything?
I'm a bang machine! I'm designed to reproduce every single day, 'til the day I die.
So you're gonna go BANG women now!
No, I'm going to be loyal, despite my natural urge to have sex with every other person I see,
But at least I can have freedom of thought, right, like that's allowed?
NOOOO!!!!
Well, if you're gonna be mad either way, I may as well sleep around.
(CRYING) I WANNA DIEE
U SHOULD'VE BEEN A LESBIAN!
They get mad when you punch them in the face:
I_SAID_DO_THE_DISHES_YOU_DUMB_BITCH_WHORE!
Just kidding, you're not supposed to hit them, unless they're bigger than you.
Anyway, they also get really emotional:
Your video games suck, and your anime sucks too!
Ok, now you're just being a bitch!
Did you just call me a bitch?!
Uh, Yes?
OMG, you just called me a bitch!
So, just call me a dick, or a douchebag, and we'll be even!
Instead of me throwing it back at you, I wanna be the victim!
Well, there goes my chance of happiness today!
Almost all girlfriends are super insecure!
Hey babe, do I look good naked?
Yeah, you look great!
So, not amazing, just great?
Ok, you look amazing!
No, you said great! It's TOO late now, I'm sorry I'm not perfect!
Are you really about to cry again?
And 3,2,1...
Jesus Christ!
They act like they get over things, when really, they never get over things:
Hey Honey!
Hi!
What did you do today?
I, Uh, just hung around the house!
Masturbating to other women, while you compare their bodies to my horrible one?
A lot of times, when dating, you working every single day means absolutely nothing:
Oh great, you're finally home!
While my day, was miserable, I had to clean this whole house, and it's still not done!
Ok, sorry...
Why are you just standing there, HELP ME!
Ok, just I just got off work right now, and I was hoping to relax...
WOW, you won't even help me!
Well, I pay all the bills, and I feed you, I though that was enough...
Never mind, just go relax, You EARNED IT!
But I really did, I worked, ALL DAY!
Whatever!
Why do I try to be decent, if I'm just trash either way?
I don't know, I'm a woman, and nothing makes sense, because I have a thousand things going on in my head, and nothing makes sense
And, in all the time you invest, in the end, it could mean nothing:
Hey, I'm leaving you for another man. Bye!
Wait, I dumped thousands of dollars, and hours, and I emotionally invested in this relationship, you're just gonna leave?
Well, at least you don't have to pay me alamoney, on top of all that because we're not married...
Oh, yeah, COOL!
The real suckers are the married men! (laughter)
(screaming)