Footballers Play Squid Game!
Episode 1: Red Light Green Light
Welcome to the first game...
All players please stand completely still on the field
Otherwise known as ‘doing a Ronaldo’...
Seriously, if I don’t win this whole tournament, I can’t ever go back to South Korea again…
I wish I didn’t ever have to go back to Spurs again...
Let me repeat: All players please stand completely still on the field
Zlatan thinks that thing looks really freaky...
Yes, that thing has huge freaking teeth.
They’re even bigger than my quiff! Uuhhh...
The first game is Red Light Green Light
You can move forward while “it”, that’s me, sings out various football chants
If your movement is detected afterward you will be shot at...
They do know we’re not goalkeepers, right?
Race you to the line Timo...
Sure! If I win, you organise me a move back to The Bundesliga
You’re on! Let’s face it, Dortmund are going to have some serious cash to blow next summer...
Those who cross the finish line without getting caught pass this round
Get on with it, Barça reject!
Let the game begin...
- DIVA RONALDO! - Argh!
- DIVA RONALD- - Yes!
- What?! - Holy Sh**!
I thought they meant they’d shoot balls at us! Not bullets!
Yes, me too-
Haha, that’s him ruled out for the rest of the season. No more bench for me...
CRISTIANO DROPPED! SO HE HAD A STROP! DIVA RON-
Let me go! Let me go!
But I was going to sign for Newcastle...
Injured again…
Let me repeat, dumbasses: If your movement is detected you will be shot at
Unless you are Luis Suarez as he programmed me
Unless you are his Barça bestie, Lionel Messi!
Unless you are his Atleti Bestie, Antoine G-
Well, that's one way to get him off the Barcelona wage-bill…
KOEMAN IS A SH*T COACH!
- KOEMAN IS A SH*T COACH! AHAHAHA! - Copy the old guys!
MO SALAH! RUNNING DOWN THE WING...
Salah-lah-lah-lah-lah! Egyptian King...
- Impressive work! - Thanks!
My ankle!
HE’S ONE OF SPURS OWN!
- BUT HARRY KANE! - Please… Heung-Min...
- HE WANTS TO BE SOLD! - Help me... - Let me go!
Don't move...
- YOU’RE GOING HOME IN A ST JOHNS AMBULANCE! - Carry me! - I’ve been carrying you all season...
Don't move...
Beach football anyone?
They got Michael Jackson! Uh, I mean, they got Danny Ings!
IS THIS A LIBRARY! IS THIS A LIBRARY!
- Oh, who the hell was that? - Dirty bastards...
To our health and happiness! Cheers!
- Coutinho again?! - He was already dead!
Just making sure!
IS THIS A LIBRARY! IS THIS A-
- Jesus Christ Timo - Sorry!
- 5... 4... 3... - What?! It’s timed?!
- The final whistle! - Phew, we made it...
- Divers! - Game over!
- 1 game down, 5 to go! - 5?
What do we even get if we win this whole competition?
- The Ballon D’Or... - Game on!
Wow, this makes the winner of th Ballon D’Or interesting, for a change...
I’ll drink to that...