- There's so much to being Asian
that I remember being ashamed about.
- That's probably the worst part.
It's just wishing for news to stop.
- [News Broadcaster] ...attacks on Asians.
- But knowing it's not going to.
- But I also sometimes get frustrated
when I'm defined as an Asian actress,
because my personal story is not like: Asian.
- The narrative of the Asian American experience right now
is very multifaceted.
In order to represent it fully,
I cannot personally just tell a story,
it has to come from so many different people.
- As you all know,
this past year we've seen an unfortunate rise
in anti-Asian sentiment and also hate crimes
against the Asian American/Pacific Islander community.
We've partnered with YouTube Originals
and LeBron James' SpringHill Company
to create, Recipe for Change.
It's a one hour special
that involves three different dinner conversations,
including some of your favorite AAPI celebrities.
We talk about what we can do to actually create change
given what we're seeing in the world,
but not only that, we felt like that wasn't enough,
that we wanted to hear from you directly.
So we asked for you to share some of your secrets,
your experiences, and what you're dealing with
as young Asian American/Pacific Islanders,
and we've decided to create an episode of Seeking Secrets.
- My mom is fully Filipina,
ever since the rise of violence on AAPI community members,
My mom has asked me to go out and run her errands for her.
She's been especially afraid
to go to Asian markets by herself.
Now, as we're entering adulthood or we're in adulthood,
we feel responsible for our parents
instead of our parents being responsible for us,
and I think with the rise of anti-Asian hate,
this has really became real.
I've never had so much fear of where my parents are
at any given time, and what might happen to them. So...
- Recently, more and more TV series and movies
are featuring Asian-American actors.
However, many of the Asian actors tend to be half Asian.
It upsets me,
because it seems like producers still want people
who still look a little white.
It's almost like they're averse to casting Asians
who look undeniably Asian.
Obviously, someone who is half Asian won't look like me,
so I still don't feel represented.
- I relate to this a lot,
but I always try to be a little sensitive
to what my mixed friends go through all the time,
because there's also this not-enoughness thing that goes on.
And so it's, you know, I don't think any of us win
unless we're all just equally represented
and not fulfilling some quota.
- Being half white and half Korean,
I've never felt Korean enough.
When the Atlanta shootings happened,
all my friends were checking in on my full Asian friends,
but didn't address me in any way.
I feel like I was not allowed to grieve
because I'm not "Asian enough,"
even though the women who were killed look just like my mom.
- I wish I looked less Asian.
When I look in the mirror,
I see facial features that could be fixed
with plastic surgery, my flat nose, slender eyes,
round cheek bones, yellow skin.
The Asian beauty standard seems to want nothing
to do with these features, but it belongs to us,
yet I still want them gone.
Trust me, as somebody who embodies a lot
of the typical Asian features,
it took me a while to learn to love them.
But I do love myself.
I just hope that you can get to that point
because you are beautiful,
and I hope that you can realize that.
- Sometimes I wish I could find out more about my culture,
but I'm never accepted into AAPI's spaces
because I'm not fully Asian.
- I'm scared that I won't be able to pass on
my Chinese-Indonesian heritage to my children.
I can't speak the language. Can't cook the food.
And I've only met my grandparents
and extended family three times in my entire life.
Chinese Indonesian, Chindo, that's what I am.
But I mean I get that, wow, so much.
For those of you who don't know,
I have a six month old right now, and he's mixed.
I've been very blessed that my parents can come over
and speak to him in Indonesian, but I can't cook the food.
- As a child, I refused to eat the Vietnamese food
my mom cooked for me at school.
I would starve myself during school lunches
because the other kids in my class continuously bullied me
for eating strange food.
This hits me.
This is exactly how I felt when I was a kid.
The type of food that you eat at home
shows so much about who you are and where you come from.
And it tells a lot about your story.
Be proud of that. Be proud of the food that you eat.
Be proud of your culture.
And yeah, you have the best lunchbox. So I'm jealous.
- I grew up in a very old-fashioned Chinese family.
When I was 16, I had my first girlfriend and she was black.
When I told my parents that she wasn't Chinese,
my mom and dad threatened to disown me
if I didn't break up with her.
She dumped me before I ever got the chance
to even talk about it,
and now I'm afraid to date anyone who is not Chinese.
- In a lot of always our parents' generation
or our grandparent's generation can be a bit old fashioned.
It doesn't make it okay,
but they come from a very different time
and different place,
but I think part of our job as Asian Americans
is to help bridge that gap.
- My mom is a Catholic Filipina
and she isn't very accepting of LGBTQ plus people.
I'm bisexual,
and I've decided that I will never come out to my mom
because I don't want to disappoint her.
Why mess up her perfect image of me now?
Well, first of all, congratulations on being Queer.
You are already a gift to the world.
I think that one thing that really out
is this word: Perfect,
I think that you have to realize
that you're already perfect.
The church, your parents, your culture,
if any of it is telling you that you're imperfect
because you're Queer, then that's a problem with the system,
and that's a problem with their perspectives.
You have to make sure that at the beginning you are saying,
no, I'm already perfect as a bisexual person.
- I'm always questioning
whether it is worth being independent from my Asian family
and living my own life.
Even though they seem to encourage me to find my own way,
they also instilled the toxic mindset
that I need to stay and take care of them,
even if it means I don't live the life I want.
- It was interesting
because our family's not as affectionate,
like we didn't grow up hugging or saying, I love you.
And it was funny
because my mom had a really great relationship
with her father.
And he had never really told her that he loved her,
but she always knew, always knew that he loved her so much.
He didn't need to tell her.
And she was like,
that's the difference in our culture
is that we don't have to say it.
We just live it.
- I tried killing myself when I was 16.
I sat on the kitchen floor,
sobbing with a razor blade in my hand.
My family never knew.
To this day, they think my scars were just clumsy accidents.
I never told them
because mental illness has always been taboo
in Asian households like my own.
Mental illness in our family
was something that was hard to talk about,
it remains hard in our community;
it remains hard in our broader society.
- We're constantly told that we're bad,
or that we are less than, or that we're imperfect
because of our identities.
- Just live your life, live your life for you,
be proud of who you are.
- Your parents worked so hard
to be able to give you this opportunity
to grow up and to pursue your dreams
to the best of your ability.
Be proud of that.
Be proud of their story and be proud of who you are.
You belong.
And own your Asian-ness and be unapologetic about it.
- Hey you all, thank you so much
for watching this episode of Seeking Secrets.
Make sure you check out the link in the description below
for Recipe for Change.
It's a one-hour special
that involves three different dinner conversations,
including some of your favorite AAPI celebrities,
including Lisa Ling, Simon Yu,
you have Hassan Minhaj, Olivia Munn, and many, many more.
And we really gathered to talk about issues
that pertain to our community.
We hope you enjoy the special.