(audience applauding) - Yes, I love Christmas.
I bought a chocolate advent calendar this year.
I came home from work the next day
and my boyfriend looked really guilty.
I said, what have you done?
And he said, I've just eaten a fortnight.
(audience laughing)
You can tell what social class you're in
by the kind of eggs you have on Christmas morning.
Eggs Benedict, posh;
poached eggs, trying' to be posh;
and if you're common as muck like me, Easter eggs.
(audience laughing)
Oh, this must be my present from the BBC.
Ooh, I love opening presents. (audience ooohhhing)
(voice muffled) I love opening presents.
Let's do that.
Oh, it's Phillip Schofield. (audience cheering)
- Merry Christmas. (audience cheering)
(Sarah laughing) (audience cheering)
- Oh my god, oh my god. - Wow.
- Hello. - Merry Christmas, darling.
- Merry, oh, don't do that.
I've loved you since I was 12.
(audience laughing)
Merry Christmas and thank you so much
for being on the show, lovely Phillip Schofield.
- Yours is the only show I wanted to be on.
- Oh really?
- Yeah.
- Oh, apart from like "This Morning" and "The Cube," and-
(audience laughing)
"Dancing on Ice."
And, yeah, yeah, apart from all of those.
So this is a really big moment for me,
because we've never met, have we?
Our paths have never crossed.
- No, and even now we are separated by distance,
which is unfair. - I know.
- This feels like this might be a legal thing, though.
(Phillip and audience laughing)
I've got a question for you, Holly or Fern?
(audience laughing and ooohhhing)
- Oh, that's a tricky one.
That's a very tricky one.
We had such a brilliant time with Fern.
That was marvellous and we clicked,
and I thought no one could ever replace her.
And then along came Holly,
who's just such a delight to work with.
And I love going into work every morning to see her.
- I meant as a table decoration, but okay.
(audience and Phillip laughing)
(audience cheering)
But yeah, you can compare two women if you want.
(audience and Phillip laughing)
Now, you've done a lot of
testicle examinations on "This Morning."
(audience and Phillip laughing)
Is there any chance an enthusiastic amateur
could come and have a go?
(audience and Phillip laughing)
- Yeah, definitely.
You're on the list.
- I've got warm hands.
(audience and Phillip laughing)
You're quite the silver fox, aren't you?
Do the curtains match the carpet or?
(audience and Phillip laughing)
Do you have a bit of Just for Men down below?
- I'll answer you honestly,
as decently as I can at Christmas.
And that is, look at that and look at those.
(audience laughing)
(audience and Sarah laughing)
- Oh, no, I'm quite warm.
(audience and Phillip laughing)
- So am I.
(Sarah laughing)
- You once received some pubic hair in the post from a fan.
(audience and Phillip laughing)
- Yes.
- Has that gone grey now, too?
(audience laughing)
Because it shouldn't because it isn't.
(audience laughing)
- So that was you?
(audience laughing and clapping)
- I have actually written to you in the past.
I wrote to you a number of times.
When I was sort of 12, 13,
when you were in "The Broom Cupboard"
and sort of "Going Live" kind of era.
I sent a photograph of my bedroom once to you,
'cause it had pictures of you,
and you sent it back and wrote on the back
a true fun, and then signed it.
But the point is that you sent it back.
(audience laughing)
- Do you know, bizarrely,
I have a vague recollection of that.
- Oh shut up.
(audience laughing)
(audience clapping)
Even if you're lyin', that has made me very happy.
- I never lie.
- Ahh, mmhmm.
(audience and Phillip laughing)
Well, probably the most recent one,
and it was a long time ago, you did a show on Radio Two.
- Well, Radio One.
- Was it Radio One?
Oh it's 'cause I forget that Radio One
exists now 'cause I'm 38.
(audience and Phillip laughing) Must have been on Radio One
back when I was allowed to listen,
and it was your birthday,
and I sent you a birthday card,
and on the front of the card it had a hamster,
like a cartoon hamster,
and inside I made out hilariously, right,
that the card was from the hamster.
(audience laughing)
And you read it out on your Radio One show.
And then afterwards you said,
"Remember, you don't have to try to be funny."
(audience laughing)
Do you know what?
Bizarrely, (audience laughing)
I don't remember that.
(audience laughing)
- So this is my best Christmas present ever.
What's the best Christmas present you've ever received?
- When I was really little, my mum and dad stayed up late
in the weeks and weeks leading up to Christmas
and made me my own zoo, a handmade zoo.
My dad was really very very clever with with his hands.
He was a brilliant craftsman.
I wish I'd kept my zoo.
- I'll make you a zoo.
(audience laughing) - Will you?
- All the animals will have proper hair and everything.
(audience and Phillip laughing)
(audience applauding) (Sarah laughing)
Do you ever think about making the competition questions
in "This Morning" a bit, a, harder;
b, ridiculously easy; or c, Lionel Richie?
(audience and Phillip laughing)
- Definitely c.
(Sarah laughing)
what do you do when a guest doesn't turn up?
Like if somebody's stuck in traffic
or whatever reason they just don't arrive
and you need a guest, what do you do then?
- Well, after we've tried to contact you-
(audience laughing)
- Well, I was gonna say, I am know me really close, Phillip.
(audience and Phillip laughing)
- I've seen the smears at the studio window.
(audience and Sarah laughing)
- Have you seen the lower ones as well?
(audience and Phillip laughing)
- You asked for that.
Have you ever attempted to have a few drinks
when you're presentin' "This Morning"?
'Cause most of the audience at home has, haven't they?
(audience and Phillip laughing)
- I've never started the show drunk.
I've never presented a show drunk,
but we finished it drunk a few times
because we've had
wine tasting things in the show and cocktails
and towards the end of it- - But aren't you supposed
to spit those out?
- Well, no.
(audience laughing)
That's just a waste.
(audience and Sarah laughing)
- Have you trained your bladder
to match the ad breaks on "This Morning"?
(audience laughing)
- Yes. - Yes, you have.
'Cause you're quite the giggler, aren't you?
You're quite the giggler on the show.
- Yeah, thankfully I have
very, very strong pelvic floor muscles.
- Oh really?
See I was gonna ask if a little bit of wee ever came out.
- Never. (audience laughing)
- Never?
Not once?
Not ever? - No, I don't think so.
- That's good to know.
- It has done now.
(audience and Sarah laughing)
I'm wet through here.
- Oh.
(audience laughing)
Oh, if only you were here.
(audience and Phillip laughing)
Now, why don't you present "This Morning" on Fridays?
Can you just not be asked?
(audience and Phillip laughing)
It was because "Dancing on Ice,"
when we started doing "Dancing on Ice,"
the rehearsals on Saturday, did the show on the Sunday.
And so I never saw the family.
So it was because I got a day off for the family
when they were younger. - Oh that's nice.
- And then (laughing) they grew up
and I just kept the Fridays off.
(audience and Sarah laughing)
- Do you watch, like on a Friday,
or like everyone else, do you just skip it
because it's just Eamonn and Ruth?
(audience and Phillip laughing)
I mean, they're lovely, but there a bit like sort of
substitute teachers aren't they?
(audience laughing)
Just can't keep control.
Is Gino D'Acampo really Italian?
'Cause the accent doesn't feel real.
- He's from Sheffield.
(audience and Sarah laughing)
Now, you host "The Cube."
How good are you at doing intricate tasks in a box?
(audience and Phillip laughing)
- I'm very good.
(audience laughing)
- That's good to hear.
(audience and Phillip laughing)
How often on "Dancing on Ice"
do you think to yourself, oh go on, drop her?
(audience and Phillip laughing)
- It depends who it is.
(audience laughing)
- Do you have a favourite moment from "Dancing on Ice"?
- Oh, I think definitely Todd Carty.
- Oh that's my favourite one as well.
- Is it?
- Yeah, yeah, we've actually got a clip. Let's play it
for everybody else. - Oh brilliant.
♪ Help me if you can I'm feelin' down ♪
♪ And I do appreciate you being round ♪
♪ Help me get my feet back on the ground ♪
♪ Won't you please please help me ♪
(audience laughing)
♪ Help me help me help me ♪
(audience applauding)
- I never tyre of seeing it.
- It's so good.
I love the way he just styles it out
when he comes back out and still does the ta da at the end.
- But there were two guys who were just off set,
and he came out and fell over,
and they just picked him up, turned him round,
and pushed him back out. (audience and Sarah laughing)
- We had Pamela Anderson who was on,
and she was a lovely lady, but a dreadful skater.
She provided me with one of my most extraordinary moments.
She did a huge lift.
She was lifted by her partner.
Finished the routine, turned around...
This is in a rehearsal, by the way,
so sadly there's no footage of this.
And she turned around and skated towards me,
and they were out.
(audience and Sarah laughing)
It looked like the airbag had gone off.
(audience and Sarah laughing)
- You always do family shows.
Do you have to get all the swearin' out beforehand?
- Oh, fuck, yes.
(audience and Sarah laughing)
(audience applauding)
- You've seen the show.
You know what we do.
This is excellent news. (audience laughing)
Now I always loved you when you were in "The Broom Cupboard"
and doing kids TV.
Do you still talk to Gordon the Gopher?
Or did it turn nasty?
(audience laughing)
- It actually ended really rather badly.
- We don't speak to each- - Really?
- Yeah, we don't speak to each other anymore.
He's in rehab.
(audience laughing)
- See, 'cause I haven't seen him on the tele
for a long time.
He must hate those bloody meerkats,
mustn't he? (audience laughing)
Now I've got one more Christmas wish.
- What's that?
(magical music)
- Yay, you're in "The Broom Cupboard."
Ta da. (audience applauding)
- Been a long time. (audience applauding)
- Did you get my Christmas cards?
- Yes I did.
Here we go, it's like being
in "The Broom Cupboard" again. - Aw, yay.
- Here we are.
Here's a lovely card.
This one's from Sarah.
- Yeah, they're all from me, love.
(audience laughing)
Oh, that's the special one.
The one with the glitter.
You see that on the front underneath the Merry Christmas.
- Yeah. - If you have a look
on the front there.
That was where- - In the shape of a heart?
- Yeah, I did a potato print of my vagazelle for you.
(audience laughing)
I just sort of lowered me self onto it.
(audience and Phillip laughing)
- [Phillip] It's a lovely shape.
(audience and Sarah laughing)
- That's the compliment I mostly get.
(audience and Phillip laughing)
(Sarah laughing)
But there is, there is still somethin' missin'.
Hang on.
(audience laughing)
Perfect.
- Is that the way you want me?
- That's the way I want you.
(audience applauding) This is the
best Christmas ever.
(Sarah laughing) (audience applauding)
Thank you ever so much.
Phillip Schofield.
(audience cheering) - It's my pleasure.
And Sarah?
- Oh, yes.
Oh (laughing).
I'm comin' in.
(audience and Phillip laughing)
Mwah.
Thank you.
- Merry Christmas. (audience cheering)
- Hello, I'm Sarah Millican,
and thanks very much for watching my videos.
I'm goin' on tour with a brand new show
called "Bobby Dazzler."
for all the information about where I'm goin'
and when go to sarahmillican.co.uk.
Thanks.