Hi there!
It's Clay with modernlove.life and this is Relationship Inner Game.
Now, if you're trying to get back together with your ex, you may experience a somewhat
frustrating or alarming situation where your ex is no longer open to even talking to you
and it can be kind of jarring for a lot of people because there's this person that you
were very close with for a long time, oftentimes years, sometimes even decades and suddenly
this person is just completely walled off from you.
They've just put up some sort of wall that's blocking anything you say, any texts you send,
any phone call you phone in any email or message that you send from actually getting through
to them and they just won't respond to you at all whatsoever.
And this is actually one of the five emotional stages that your ex goes through on the journey
towards getting back together with you.
And in the next series of videos, we're going to talk about all of these five stages.
And I want to in this video, just explain what this first stage is and kind of what's
going on here.
OK, this first stage that I've just described where your ex won't even so much as acknowledge
you or return a message from you or anything like that's what we call the wall of reactance
OK?
And a, this, and all of the other five stages as well are based off of this emotional, a
phenomenon called reactants.
And you may not know what the word reactants means, but you, you definitely know the experience
of reactants.
It's the feeling that you get when, for example, somebody is coming to you with a hidden agenda
and they have some sort of ulterior motive and they're trying to get you to do something
that you don't necessarily want to do.
You know, maybe that's like a door to door salesmen thing, telemarketer thing or maybe
you're just walking down the street and somebody asks you some sort of question like, Hey,
do you have a moment to help starving children in Africa?
Or something like that.
Andnyou feel bad if you said no.
So you just say yes, and then you get roped into some kind of conversation where you end
up hearing about some kinds of charity work or something like that, right?
And it's not that you're opposed to the charity is just that the way that the person a gets
you into that conversation is a little bit disingenuous, right?
They're trying to guilt you into that conversation in order to meet their own ulterior motive.
And that's really what reactants is.
And for better or worse, your ex is experiencing a sense of reactants towards you.
They believe that you have a sort of ulterior motive when interacting with them.
And the truth is, is that you kind of do your trying to get back together with them and
that's your ulterior motive for contacting them, for reaching out to them, for calling
them, for texting them, for doing whatever it is you might be doing.
And so when you understand that this is happening, you understand that your ex is at this wall
of reactants a point, OK?
And it's important to know that this and the other stages that make up the five stages
are all along the spectrum.
OK?
There is a certain spectrum of a journey that youre ex.
We'll, we'll go through on the process of getting back together with you.
I'm now at the wall of reactants stage.
Your ex's reactance towards you is actually extremely high, which is why they won't return
any of your messages or answer any of your phone calls or anything like that and their
positive feelings towards you are actually very low.
So what you want to do is you want to contact them in a way that doesn't have this ulterior
motive in a way that's genuinely interested in connecting with them and really forming
that emotional connection so that they can start to lower their guard and actually learn
that interacting with you isn't filled with hidden agendas and ulterior motives.
OK?
And of course, the advanced relational skills that we teach are absolutely a way that will
help you with this.
OK?
So that was the wall of reactants stage of getting back together.
If you like to learn more about this, we'll be talking about a more about reactants and
more of the other stages of getting back together in our future videos in the series.
But if you liked this video, please go ahead and leave a comment down below letting me
know what your thoughts are.
If your ex is in the wall of reactance or I'm just on any kind of topic that you would
like us to see videos made on in the future.
OK? and if you're watching this on our website, modernlove.life, you can go ahead and click
down below and you'll be taken to a page.
It'll tell you more about how you can go ahead and overcome reactants by developing these
advanced relational skills.
If you're on Youtube, just go head down below to the website relationship, inner game.com,
and we'll offer you some help and guidance in terms of getting back together with your
ex.
Just fill out a short, painless survey that'll tell you a little bit about kind of where
your relationship is at.
You know, are you in contact with your.
Actually not in contact with your ex, what's your extra ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend,
husband, wife, all that stuff, and you know it.
It shouldn't take more than like 30 seconds or so to do this survey and then we'll start
sending you some tips, advice, and strategies to help you out.
Anyway, this has been clay and I'll talk to you in our next video where we talk about
the second stage of you getting back together with you.
Please take care.