The other day, I met a friend of mine for brunch, when she broke the news:
[high-pitched squealing] YOU'VE BEEN CHOSEN YOU'VE BEEN CHOSEN
And though I am genuinely happy for her,
I also felt painfully aware that I have been single for over a year now.
I know, I know, thank you children, I have fulfilled the prophecy I made so long ago.
But being single for this long has been interesting
and hard, and terribly lonely,
but also awfully fun.
Hanging out with couples used to be...
really... infuriating...
but now?
I haven't had a human touch in a long time, you guys.
Just let me have this.
I mean yes, every time a friend has gotten engaged, there is a tinge of
And thanks to my doctor, I am also hyper aware that
- Your biological clock is ticking.
- Tick tock on the clock, but the party don't stop, no
- Woah-woah oh-oh
- Woah-woah. Oh-oh.
And yes, all my friends my age who are also single are having conversations like
- Oh, I am definitely freezing my eggos
- Ugh, that's just so expensive. I think I'm just gonna adopt
- Adoption is expensive too and also really hard
- [sighs] I'll just marry a man-child then. I can have both.
[laughs]
[sighs]
So in a mini freakout, I tweeted:
All of my friends are getting engaged, married or having babies, and I'm over here just
GENUINELY HAPPY FOR THEM BECAUSE I DO NOT COMPARE MY JOURNEY TO ANYONE ELSE'S
AND NEITHER SHOULD YOU
And I'm doing my best to live by this because, you know, compare and despair,
and the more I embrace that the ends are in the steps I take, the more I'm able to resonate with this.
It was especially enlightening when I was talking to a very happily married friend of mine
It was sort of this like 'I want what you have' situation,
where I was very envious of her stable loving marriage
and she felt envious of my stable growing career.
We were both looking at what the other had with so much longing that
we couldn't really appreciate what we had in front of us.
- What are you doing? - Just hanging out, watching TV with my husband.
- Mmm, man, I'm so jelly. I remember companionship.
- What are you doing? - Oh, just hanging out with my cat watching TV
- Ugh, that sounds so great. I remember freedom.
- Wanna trade? - Wanna trade?
Plus, I have several friends who also got married, and had kids
because they thought it was the right path that they should take,
but in hindsight, have realized - perhaps it wasn't necessarily the right path for them at that time.
Sometimes they wish they'd waited longer.
Some feel trapped in unhappy marriages,
and some regret giving up their careers and feel unfulfilled.
And I say this not to highlight their unhappiness,
but to remind you and myself that it's really easy to look at what someone else has and idealize it.
Whether you're achieving professional success or engaged to your person,
there are still going to be issues to deal with, feelings to sort through,
and a constant awareness to not take for granted what is right in front of you right now.
I'm Anna Akana, and we're gonna get through this, I hope.
Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring today's episode!
Squarespace has award-winning templates and an all-in-one platform,
so there's no patches, upgrades or installs ever.
If you need a domain, look no further and say 'I do': Squarespace has a simple and unique set-up experience
and 24-hour customer service if you have any bumps along the way.
You can go to squarespace.com/anna to start your free trial today.
and use the offer code "ANNA" for 10% off at checkout.
That's squarespace.com/anna and the offer code "ANNA" for 10% off at checkout.