The dangers of nanotechnology have been well-recorded, and their hazards have been documented by
irrefutable sources, such as The X-Files.
Alex Krycek could’ve killed Walter Skinner whenever he wanted, with nanotechnology.
That’s documented.
We also have the documentation, you see here before you.
You want proof of how dangerous small things are?
Dustin Hoffman is 5’5”.
Also, Nanotek Warriors, for the PlayStation.
So this is basically what F-Zero would be, if it were a shooter.
Like, combine F-Zero with something like, I don’t know, whatever shooter you’re
thinking of…and also throw in some nanotechnology, ‘cause you like to live dangerously.
And voila, that’s Nanotek Warrior, perhaps the single greatest combination of
things since…
Hook.
Julia Roberts and Dustin Hoffman?
Get out of here.
That’s beauty and the beast.
Anyway, Nanotek Warrior was released in 1997, but it’s got a story straight out of 1984.
It’s basically the plot of Terminator…but only, if they shrunk John Connor down to a
microscopic level.
So it’s basically Terminator meets Honey, I Shrunk The Kids.
See, see what I mean about great combinations?
If you’re not already eBaying this, I don’t know what to tell you.
So it goes like this, we create nanotechnology, it somehow creates world peace, having these
tiny robots everywhere…oops, they become self-aware and have to be destroyed, John
Connor.
So stand still, Wayne Szalinski, we’ve got to shrink you down and put you in a little
spaceship.
Whatever happened to Rick Moranis?
It’s like, he totally just mic-dropped us.
And deservingly so, he did what he came to do.
And now it’s your turn.
You have to save the world by blowing up these tiny goddamn robots, with your tiny goddamn
lasers.
You’ll crash about a thousand goddamn times, but that’s when you have to ask yourself…did
Rick Moranis quit?
Did he just walk away?
Actually, he did, that’s a bad example.
But look, he only did that, after he saved the world.
So save the goddamn world.
There’s only like eight levels, but…it’s so freaking hard, it doesn’t even matter.
Eight levels is more than enough for me, I didn’t even see them, anyway.
I wish I was better at video games, I’d have a lot less headaches.
Actually, what do I care, I still have fun, anyway.
Plus, we have Advil, which…I mean, that stuff works so fast, it’s one step away
from nanotechnology.
I want to play a game where Advil takes over the world.
Brown pills just, fall from the sky and pelt everyone to death.
And only one man can save the world.
Just he…and, Emma Watson, that would be my game.
And am I stalling because I’m no damn good at this game?
Yes, yes, I am.
Look, what do you want from me?
There are power-ups and things, and bosses at the end of the levels, and I saw very few
of them.
Which is probably for the best, because they likely would’ve beaten me mercilessly.
Like Mark, with a game.com.
Now you guys see why I love Advil so much.
This is an awesome, awesome game, with a very cool concept and a very cool style…it runs
great, it’s smooth…and you know what, it reminds me of a Wii U title called Nano
Assault Neo.
That’s another shooter where you’re shrunk down, it’s the same kind of thing.
And I love that game, and I love Honey, I Shrunk The Kids, so it all makes sense.
It’s tough as balls, but…
Hey, so is Dustin Hoffman.
Can you imagine if he was in Honey, I Shrunk The Kids?
It’s Nanotek Warrior, for the original PlayStation.
Thanks to our pal Marc, from Brooklyn, New York…for sending this to the show.
I would certainly call this a must-have PlayStation game.