- Is anybody here with their mom?
Oh, you good.
I love it when people come with their mom,
especially if I talk about something sexual,
it's so fun to look at you guys
'cause you're usually like,
"I don't know.
"Are we laughing?"
(audience laughing)
(upbeat music)
I was on Spironolactone.
Any Spiro heads here?
(audience cheering)
Are you really on it?
Did it make you pee a lot?
- [Woman in The Audience] Yes, and it made me faint.
- What?
Did it thin your hair at all?
- [Woman in The Audience] No.
- Okay.
We'll talk more later.
(audience laughing)
I don't know I guess if you're a dude buying condoms,
maybe you feel cool 'cause like you
gonna get laid or, whatever.
(audience laughing)
I don't know how you feel.
Do you (laughs),
he's like, "I don't wear a condoms."
(audience laughing)
If I had all the ingredients
for a cake except for the sugar.
And then you, what's your name?
- Jeremy.
- Jeremy?
Brought over the sugar we'd be like,
"This cake wouldn't be possible without Jeremy." (laughs)
(audience laughing)
Thank you so much for this cake Jeremy.
Jeremy!
- [All] Jeremy!
Jeremy!
- [Audience] Jeremy!
- That's right.
I don't even know what I would name kids if I had them.
Obviously, Jeremy, your parents struggled.
I feel like... (audience laughing)
Dudes, you can just hop in your car
drive somewhere,
get fully jerked off.
I was a little vague.
(audience laughing)
In my head, I was thinking like a rub and tug scenario
or happy ending situation.
You know what I'm talking about?
He was like, "Yes, that's how we met."
(audience laughing)
Have any women here been offered a happy ending?
Just an angry silence?
(audience laughing)
I assume every man in here tonight is just
so good at fucking (laughs).
(audience laughing)
So I'm not talking about anybody in here.
The problem is outside (laughs).
And we just have to take
what we talk about here tonight and help them.
What's it called when somebody wants to have sex with you,
but you don't and they do it anyway?
- [Audience] Rape.
- Thank you.
(audience laughing)
It's so much easier when somebody else brings it up.
(audience laughing)
There's probably only like one rapist in here?
(audience laughing)
I don't know maybe two
look around, they're not laughing.
I just... (audience laughing)
Are you sitting here as a heterosexual man,
and you don't know how to touch a woman?
Like get up here I'll show you.
(audience laughing)
I feel like if I could choose a superpower,
it would be penis a hundred percent (laughs).
I'm so jealous of your dicks.
I want one to have and to hold,
but like also on my person (laughs).
(audience laughing)
I feel like it's easier to pee.
You can be anywhere, shape, line.
You can spell your name.
Jeremy.
(audience laughing)
You got, is it a y there at the end
really letter it.
(audience laughing)
I think it's 'cause your penises are outside of you.
Right?
You know what I mean?
He's like, "My dick is out right now."
(audience laughing)
No, but truly like if you had a long day at work
and then you found out you are gonna be
intimate with somebody and you didn't feel fresh,
you could just slip away to the bathroom
and wash your dick off in the sink.
(audience laughing)
And I hope you do.
(audience laughing) (audience cheering)
Before we go, I just like to
practice saying we're pregnant on three.
So all the men in the crowd on three,
we'll say we're pregnant.
One,
two,
three.
- [Men In The Audience] We're pregnant.
- (laughs) Okay.
You're also drunk.
(audience laughing)
(upbeat music)