- In a polarized world, the next installment of the franchise all about balance and non-attachment
will be worshiped, hated, and obsessed over until it's not even fun to talk about anymore.
- This is not going to go the way you think.
- Meh, we know Star Wars fans by now
Star Wars: The Last Jedi
Forget the love letter to the originals that was The Force Awakens,
because Episode 8 subverts everything you've come to expect
Making it the-
- WORST one ever
- Aw, who invited the original Honest Trailer voice back?
Are you really gonna do the old ones are better / new ones are better thing we did with The Force Awakens?
- The only way to talk about Star Wars now is in absolutes, so yes.
- Kinda Sithy of ya, but fine
Making Last Jedi a refreshing update to a predictable formula
- that spits in the face of everything you once loved.
- Whiner!
- Traitor!
- Meet the new class of heroes coming into their own
Like Rey, who after being called by Luke's lightsaber
is called by the Jedi texts, called by a big wet hole, and called by her greatest fr-enemy
*both breathing*
- Yet still gets zero answers to any of her questions.
- I thought I'd find answers here, I was wrong.
- Po, who grows from a hotshot sexy pilot
- to a treasonous failure with more blood on his hands than the Empire.
- First Order!
- Same difference.
- And Finn, who went from a deserter running away from the war
- to a deserter running away from the war.
- With the help of newcomer Rose, he'll learn to put the greater good above himself
- Thanks to a pointless side quest to Casino Royale
- Because how dare they spend 15 minutes connecting the action to a larger theme.
- The larger theme being:
Is it possible to miss pod racing?
I didn't think so, but here we are
- But forget about the butthurt fanboys who were just mad the movie isn't closer to the one they wrote in their heads
- Hey!
- Because there's still all the old favorites like Leia, a battle-hardened general trying to keep the spark of hope al-
- aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand...
she's in a coma.
- Chewbacca,
- who gets nothing to do.
- And Luke Skywalker
- Who after sad old Han and sad old Leia really drives home how your heroes are all sad and old now.
- He's turned his back on the franchise after watching the prequels
- The legacy of the Jedi is failure!
- And not even reruns of A New Hope can change his mind
- That was a cheap move.
- Because what Star Wars fans really needed was to see their idol throw his lightsaber away like it was some kind of joke.
And Star Wars is not a joke to me!
- Yeah I've been meaning to talk to you about-
- Rian Johnson ruined my childhood like he ruined the laws of space battle.
- There are no laws to space battle!
- There should be.
- Luke isn't the only Skywalker who has issues with the franchise
Kylo Ren is back, and he's demanding a full reboot.
- Let the past die.
Kill it if you have to.
- When he doesn't look like he's about to cry, which is always
- Watch as he ditches The Vader fanboy act, the Mighty Duck Mask, and his shirt
BEEEEWBS
- Oooh...
Hey, you distracted me on purpose!
- Too late, moving on!
Get ready for truly unexpected answers to the puzzles of Episode 7
- that can only be answered by asking
What are the most disappointing answers to the puzzles of episode 7?
- Like who are Rey's parents?
- Nobody.
- Who is Snoke?
- Some dead guy.
- and how did Maz Kanata get Luke's lightsaber?
- It doesn't matter and you're stupid for asking.
- That after all the hours of speculation and analysis was genuinely...
- exhilarating. - insulting.
- Whoa, how do we keep from a certain point of viewing each other?
- Yeah, we're both pretty big Star Wars nerds, huh?
- So gear up for the most divisive Star Wars film ever made
- Where Rian Johnson either doesn't understand the lore,
- or he made the first Star Wars movie that lives up to the values it preaches.
Instead of endorsing royal bloodlines and reckless aggression.
- Okay enough division. Let's say our favorite things about it on the count of three.
- 1, 2, 3
Rey and Kylo team up to fight the Praetorian Guard
Puppet Yoda hitting Luke with a stick!
Porgs!
- Wait, really?
- Yeah, I'll own it.
- Okay now least favorite
Holdo not telling anyone her plan!
- I get knocking Po down a peg but, come on!
They're taking shuttles to a fort!
Why make everyone think they're gonna die?
- I can't argue with that.
Though I'm sure people will.
- Should we do this again for Solo?
Nah.
- I'm not gonna see that crap
- Salt.
- Maybe.
It is time for my fandom to end.
- Did you hear JJ finished the script for Episode 9?
- My fandom is back.
Temporarily.
- Want more Star Wars stuff?
Click the box on the left as we dive deeper into our serious questions for The Last Jedi.
Or click the box on the right to watch us make FN 218 play with puppies
*reading comments*