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Stay tuned until after to find out how you can get your first month free.
[♪ Sono Chi no Sadame♪]
George: I'm George Joestar!
Check out my sweet-ass carriage and horses!
[EXPLOSION]
GODDAMMIT, horses, you FUCKED it up!
[Dying whinny]
Dumb FUCKING horses!
Dario: Hi there, I'm Dario Brando, and this is my son, Dio Brando.
And we're looting your corpse.
George: Tough luck, fucko! I'm still alive!
Dario: Then raise my son!
George: Over your dead body!
George: Jonathan, my one and only
TWELVE YEAR OLD SON!
Jonathan: Yes, Father; my one and only Father?
George: You've got a brother, now!
Jonathan: Oh, smashing!
Dio: Sup, cunts?
[Danny yelps]
George: He's a good boy.
Jonathan: Hello, Dio! I hope we can be friends.
Dio: I'm going to poison your father.
Jonathan: But he's my one and ONLY Father!!
Dio: Whawazzat?
Erina: Jonathan!
My loins are aquiver for your 12 year old, gentlemanly spotted
D I C K !
Jonathan: But we're not married!
Sooo... it's an HJ or anal.
♪ I'm all about mouth fuckin'- ♪
Dio: She's now prrregnant with MY,
DIO'S CHILD!!
Erina: Joke's on you, I'm on the pill!
Dio: CURSES!
George: Jonathan, I'm dying...
Jonathan: What cruel fate is this that you should lose ANOTHER father, Dio?
Dio: What can I say? I just LOVE poisoning dads...
Jonathan: Poisoning them with your love?
Dio: Fuck this shit. I'm gonna murder you.
...with THIS MASK.
Muhuhuhehehehe...
But first!
HEY MISTER HOBO!!
Hobo Journalist: I'm not a hobo, I'm a game journalist!
AAAAAAAAAGH!!!!
[POP]
Dio: ...Holy shit, I can make vampires.
Jonathan: Father!
This racist Chinese caricature has been giving Dio
POISON!
To POISON you!!
Speedwagon: And I helped catch him.
George: Who the fuck is this guy?
Speedwagon: R.E.O-
Jonathan: Shut up! They will sue us to death!
Speedwagon: Even SPEEDWAGON infringes the copyright!!
George: ...so, am I going to die?
Jonathan: No, Father...
Dio: Hold that thought...
Jonathan: NO, FATHER!!
George: Your mother should have had that abortion...
Jonathan: Dio is adopted?
George: Yep!
Dio: Jonathan Joestar...
I have rejected my humanity, and have become...!
A VAMPIRE!!!!
Jonathan: I set my home on fire.
Dio: We should really get down from here
Jonathan: WOOAAAaoooaaooooh- Dio: HEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeee-
Dio: HA! Get fucked, you privileged little shit!
Jonathan: Oh, no. I'm falling from the roof, three stories up!
If I don't act fast, I'll hit the ground
and at this height, I could very well die!
But of course-
even if I do not succumb to the sudden and brutal trauma of the fall,
the fire that has consumed my home will almost certainly envelop me
and I shall perish forthwith.
I know-
Dio's got that bench!
If I whip out my belt and wrap it around his leg,
I may be able to stop my fall.
But I have to act quickly!
Dio: Hey, what-
OH COOL, THANKS JONATHAN, YOU KILLED US BOTH!
Jonathan: And that's how I saved us all!
Erina: I'm a nurse now!
Jonathan: Cheers! Let's shag!
Zeppeli: Knock, knock!
Jonathan: Who's there?
Zeppeli: Dio's alive.
Jonathan: Damn it all! I've heard this one before!
Zeppeli: You must-ta use-ta tha power of the sun!
Jonathan: Like a Capri-Sun?
Because I can never poke those pouches just right and it goes everywhere and it-
[Frog Moan]
Jonathan: Why was that frog so hot?
Zeppeli: It is-ta called-ta a Riiippple and you must use it to defeat-a Dio Brando once and for aahll.
And ahll of these fuckers too.
Jonathan: Ugh. I haven't fought any of them and I'm already kinda bored.
Jack the Ripper: I'M JACK THE RIPPER!
Jonathan: Quick, Zeppeli! Distract him with whores!
Zeppeli?
Oh, bollocks.
Poco: I'm here to help!
Jonathan: Why?
Dio: JONATHAN!
Jonathan: DIO!
How many souls have you consumed?!
Dio: How many BREADS have you eaten in your life?
Jonathan: I- Hold on what?
Dio: Oh god- oh, h-how embarassing..
Y'know, I was going to say how much bread,
but then I thought, how many slices of bread
and then I just, how many breads...
Eh- Is- Kinda funny, right?
Jonathan: Oh, yeah! No, I- Don't worry about it. I do that all the time.
Dio: Let me- Let me try- Let me try agai-
Take two. Okay? *hm*
How many slices of bread have you eaten in your life?
Jonathan: Well I don't...
really eat bread.
Dio: I'm sorry?
Jonathan: Look at me! I've been a wall of meat since I was twelve.
You think I eat bread?
I'm in a permanent state of ketosis and I'm probably going to die before I turn 30.
Dio: You said it, not me!
[Eye lasers]
Jonathan: What in the-
I thought you were a vampire!
Dio: I am!
It's toootally vampire shit, bro.
Jonathan: By Bram Stoker's modest beard!
I must defeat this evil!
Dio: Go ahead and try!
I'm ready for anythi-
Jonathan: SUNNY-D FIREBALL PUNCH!
Dio: NOT THE GOOD STUFF KIDS GO FOR!
AAAAAAAAAAAGH!
Jonathan: Marry me, Erina!
Erina: Oh good, glad you asked!
Because I'm already pregnant!
Jonathan: Wonderful!
We shall take a boat right to the colonies for our honeymoon.
And- WOAGH!
Dio: Thanks for getting me back, Dave.
Dave: Yeah, no problem.
Jonathan: Alright, burning down the boat!
Dio: Your pyromaniacal efforts didn't save you then,
AND IT WON'T SAVE YOU-
Oh, you're dead.
[DIO - Rainbow In The Dark, piano version]
[DIO - Rainbow In The Dark, piano version] Dio: ♪ You're a rainbow in the dark ♪
♪ Just a rainbow in the dark ♪
♪ No sign of the morning ♪
♪ You're a rainbow in the dark ♪
And now...
And now... I stay...
...in the midnight sea.
Hey dude, what are you doing?
I'm watching anime.
Shouldn't you be- working?
Yeah.
Cool.
Uh, what are you watching?
Space Runaway Ideon.
That's a mouthful. I have no idea what that is.
Sure you do, you watch classic anime.
No, I don't.
Uh... Patlabor? (Referring to Mobile Police Patlabor)
Oh, "Hit me with your best shot!" Th-That one-
No! That's Pat Benatar.
Oh. Then I don't know.
Gatchaman. (Science Ninja Team Gatchaman)
Got my-? What?
Uh... you know it as Battle of the Planets?
I- I definitely do not.
G-Force?
Oooh! The guinea pig movie. Yeah!
OUGH!
You disgust me.
Don't be like him.
You can watch all that classic anime and more on HiDive.
HiDive has a ton in their catalog and if classic anime isn't your speed,
they've got plenty of new stuff too.
Like "My Love Story", "Haikyu!!" and a personal favorite, "Made in Abyss". And at $4.99 a month and $47.99 a year,
it's one of the cheapest ways to get some of the best anime ever made.
And, if you click the link down in the description, you'll get your first month free.
Man, a whole month of anime when I was a kid cost more than my *car*.
So get HiDive today, and watch some anime with your best friends!
...f*** are you?