- These Shark Tank pitches are swimming with the fishes.
- (chuckles) Let's talk about that.
(funky electronic music)
(fire crackles)
Good Mythical Morning.
- This fall, we're releasing our new novel
The Lost Causes of Bleak Creek, but while you wait for that,
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- For 10 seasons, Shark Tank has brought entrepreneurs
to make business presentations to a panel of investors,
AKA the sharks.
I enjoy watching this show but I'm explaining it to you
as if you've never seen it.
The sharks then decide if they want to invest
their actual money into the entrepreneurs' idea.
It's a lot like the time that Chase pitched us
on his idea for edible fireworks.
- Right, but not all ideas are as good
as Chase's fire snackers. (chuckles)
In fact, some are laughably bad and today we determine
the worst Shark Tank inventions ever.
It's time for Ranked: Worst Shark Tank Inventions Ever.
Welcome to the rank tank.
Mythical Team Member Stevie, Christine, Jordan
and Emily have each picked what they believe is the worst
Shark Tank invention ever.
- Yep and their job is to convince us to agree
with them, all right, Christine let's start with you.
(laughing)
I think I want you to start.
- I will gladly start for you.
The inventions that I chose is Ionic Ear.
It's a Bluetooth device that is surgically implanted
into your ear canal. - What?
- Which makes perfect sense and it's not at all crazy.
But here's the pitch.
- If I could direct your attention to the first slide.
Here's the surgery locations.
This is just underneath the ear lobe.
- Is that the surgery location?
- This is surgery, you would be under anesthesia.
(laughing)
- [Robert] So you stick that needle
in your head every night to charge it?
- Yes you would. - Okay you don't think--
- Whoa whoa whoa-- - You don't think--
- Oh my God. (laughing)
Seriously, a needle? - It's like a small
Q-tip cylinder that would dock--
- What happens if you miss, Darren?
- You can't miss. - You can't miss.
- (laughs) You can't miss.
You definitely don't wanna miss.
- What? - Oh.
- So the fun thing is that he actually does all
of the surgeries.
(laughing)
- Now I feel better. - It's good to see
Dr. Duntsch in person. - Exactly.
So he was seeking a million dollar investment
for a 50% equity in his crazy company.
Only members of the Blue Man Group as seen here.
(laughing) It was a show and--
- We have met the Blue Men in person,
and they're too smart for this.
- But I don't know, it just seems like a crazy invention.
The fact that you have to charge your ear every single night
and it's named the implanted, like,
if I was gonna pay for implants it definitely wouldn't be
into my brain, right? - Okay.
- But I really like the acronym.
IEIBBD. (chuckles)
- That's not an acronym, that's just a new word.
- Iebbd. - Iebbd.
- Ieddb. - Ieddb.
- So they of course funded this.
- No they did not, everyone was just like you're crazy.
Do not do this. - Okay.
- I don't know. - The pitch isn't going well
when someone says, "Seriously," three times.
- Yeah yeah yeah. - So all he has to show
for his invention is this placard which we now have.
- Yes. - Okay.
So we're gonna put this,
it is the worst that I've heard so far.
- That's fair. - And one is closest,
so there it is.
- Okay, who's next?
- Me and I have a question for you.
Do you hate squirrels but wanna be the boss?
(laughing)
Watch this clip. - Oh gosh.
- But with Squirrel Boss,
if you see a squirrel on your bird feeder
and he wears out his welcome,
just press the remote control
and deliver a harmless static shock correction.
(laughing)
That is similar to walking across the carpet
and touching something.
- Buh-bam!
- It tingles but it doesn't hurt you.
Who would like to challenge the Squirrel Boss?
(whimsical music)
- I don't feel anything.
(tense music)
(zaps) (yelps)
(laughing)
- Dang.
It looked like it took his hand off.
- You see how that works?
- They were way too excited.
- If you'll notice, there's two parts to the Squirrel Boss.
You have part one.
- Oh gosh.
- But I have part two.
- Oh no.
- So in order to really get the full--
- Link, I'm holding it.
Am I gonna get shocked by holding it up here?
- No you have-- - Good.
- You have to touch two coils.
I recommend just like a peace sign maybe.
You peace sign, just peace sign that guy.
- Ow!
(laughing)
- Yes. - Now listen--
- Squirrel Boss!
- I walked a bunch of carpets in my day
and touched something that that hurts a lot worse.
That is cruel to a squirrel.
- Well the weird thing is that you have to be
a nice enough person to put out food for birds
but then hate squirrels, like you hate other small animals
but you wanna feed other small animals.
- Yeah you're talking about my father-in-law.
- Well that's an other-- - I'm gonna give him this.
- [Stevie] Disappointing thing is that--
- He's a masochist.
- This remote was made for old people.
There's one button but so is the Life Alert.
- Is it that big? - You know what I'm saying?
- You get those things confused.
- Yes, you're just pushing one button.
You're just shocking squirrels, meanwhile you're dying.
You know, that's all I'm saying.
- And you have to be watching the feeder.
- Oh yeah well this is-- - Oh yeah.
- You have to be like (grunts), I don't know.
Get 'em honey, get 'em. - Yeah I mean,
I'm not gonna lie, it sounds like fun
but I'm not gonna say that I would actually do it
because that's not good for my brand.
- You should just do what my grandfather-in-law did
which he would capture squirrels
and then paint their tails red and let them loose
on the other side of town and if they came back,
then he would kill 'em.
- [Stevie] Wow.
- Yeah or you could just stab 'em with pitch forks.
- Okay I don't know.
Because this one could hurt me.
This one's gonna hurt a squirrel,
I don't think it's as bad as the Aebbd.
- Did they fund it?
- Well the crazy thing is-- - Because that makes
a difference in my mind.
- They re-branded it Squirrel Baus and then thousands
of teen girls just went and bought it.
- Yas, yas Squirrel Boss.
(laughing)
- [Rhett] Lilly Singh got behind it, huh?
- Did they fund it?
- No. - Okay.
- No, why would I be presenting that to you?
No. - I don't think you have
to ask that question again the next two times.
- I mean I'm thinking about funding it.
- All right Emily, what do we got?
- All right so I chose Elephant Chat.
Do you have issues speaking to your spouse
about basic stuff? (Christine laughs)
- Sure. - Well guess what.
I got, I'm gonna fix it with Elephant Chat.
There you go.
- No one Likes those we need to talk conversations.
- But they are necessary. - And most of the time,
you don't know that you need to have that talk
until you start getting the cold shoulder
and end up sleeping on the couch.
- Until now. - Introducing
the elephant in the room.
- [Daymond] Oh Lord.
(panel laughing)
- So when I see the toilet seat has been left up
for the millionth time, I don't have to be ready
to pounce on him when he walks to the door
or be mad when he doesn't realize I'm upset.
I simply remove the cover
and reveal the elephant in the room.
- And one of the best rules about Elephant Chat
is that you can only talk if you're holding the elephant.
(Rhett chuckles)
- Wanna be taken seriously? (chuckles)
- Hold an elephant. - Oh, very nice.
- Oh it's blue.
- And it's got plenty of room just like at every zoo
where I've seen an elephant.
- And just like in his marriage probably.
- Hold on so all you do to say I got a problem is this?
- You just leave it in a room.
Well what'll probably happen is,
he's never gonna use this thing.
- He's oblivious. - He's not using it.
This is for her. - Yes.
- I think it's very clear. - Yes.
- Also, her eyes are insane.
Do you know those wife eyes are, she just walks in there
and she's like--
(laughing)
But I don't think I could fully pitch this
without my work husband helping me out.
By the way did you buy more Red Vines?
- No I didn't buy more Red Vines.
Get off my jock, I was riding my jet skis!
(Rhett laughs)
- [Rhett] All two of 'em.
(laughs fearfully)
- We're also working on, so the elephant in the room means
we need to talk.
The dalmatian in the room means it's time to try
our sexy fireman role play.
- Yes.
(laughing)
- [Jordan] There's two stuffed animals.
- Which I bet is horrible for him.
- So is there a break in case of emergency,
kinda like-- - That's a great idea.
- This is the divorce signal. - That's what's implied.
That's what I don't understand.
- [Emily] I love that.
- Yeah I guess if you come home and the elephant's head
is separated from the body,
then that means you're in trouble.
- Yeah you put that in the bed.
- Sure, yeah. - And let him wake up--
- Yeah Godfather style. - Yeah yeah Godfather style,
but yeah if they wanted to sell it for $59--
- Oh my God. - And my favorite thing is
Jason and Amanda are their names.
She is such an Amanda, raved--
- (laughs) Oh gosh.
- 100,000, sorry Amandas.
Raised $100,000 from local friends
to get this venture off the ground.
I think it was to get them out of town.
If you don't, every dinner party,
those people are the worst.
- Yeah.
- They're probably in fights in public.
- Oh gosh yes. - Okay let's figure out
where to rank this thing because it's--
- [Emily] It doesn't do anything.
- [Link] I mean I like relationship building.
I like-- - It can't hurt you.
- Communication is important.
No actual elephants are hurt in the process.
I mean just in terms of pain, I don't know.
There's a lot of emotional pain wrapped up in that box.
- Jordan, you failed me
and we're gonna have a conversation about this later.
- I don't know-- (team chuckling)
The Squirrel Boss is still very functional though, you know?
- Yeah.
- I can't argue with that. - Okay Jordan.
- Okay so these are all very bad products.
But-- - Thank you.
(Emily chuckles)
- They're very bad.
I noticed they were very bad.
You guys did a good job bringing bad products.
But I have the absolute worst.
It's a business idea called I Want To Draw A Cat For You--
- [Rhett] Oh.
- And I should probably just let the guy who had the idea
take it away.
♪ I want to draw a cat for you ♪
(quirky music)
♪ I'll draw you a cat that's short and fat ♪
♪ I'll draw you a cat with a pork pie hat ♪
♪ I'll draw you a cat, whatever the vibe ♪
♪ I draw the cat that you describe ♪
(quirky music) (panel laughing)
♪ I want to draw a cat for you ♪
I want to draw a cat for you.
- Okay dude, okay, draw a frickin' cat.
- From a price that ranges from $9.95 to $19.95,
he will draw any cat you describe.
- What? - And do a--
- This is a service? - Yeah.
- Where you pay him money and he draws you a cat?
- He draws you a cat, and we actually reached out
to him and he drew some custom Rhett and Link cats.
- No. - What?
Look at this.
To Rhett and Link, welcome to the internet, ma'am.
(team laughing)
- Okay, so that is based on your Chocolate Fountain episode
and I think what-- - This is me
in the chocolate fountain.
- Yeah what he was actually saying was,
"Welcome to the internet, fam."
But he misheard it and wrote ma'am.
- Yeah that is not what I said.
(Stevie laughing)
- But it somehow makes it worth more.
- [Jordan] Yeah.
- So this is like a $19.95 job.
- Exactly, yes, this is a $19.95 one.
- Two cats and an error. - Yes.
There's also, there's a second verse to that song.
It goes
♪ I want to live alone for life ♪
(laughing)
- I mean, I legitimately thought that he was pitching
some sort of board game Pictionary thing
but not like a one-man service.
- Yeah, no you just send him money and he draws something
and then mails it to you.
- You don't have to like meet him on a pier somewhere.
- (laughs) Right, it seems like a back alley hand-off.
That's if you want the cat licking its butt hole,
then there's a special-- (laughing)
You gotta meet him behind the Bob's Big Boy.
(laughing)
He will not sit-- - Behind the Big Boy
for the butt hole lick. - Okay, okay.
All right.
- So yeah, Mark Cuban offered $25,000 for a 33% stake
in the company and he took the deal so--
- No!
This is happening? - Hold on.
Mark Cuban did this?
- Yes, Mark Cuban did.
- Can't argue with that guy. - Yeah.
- I don't know. - He's rich.
- Pretty big cheese ball in like all of these clips,
he's like hey hey!
- I want you to draw some cats for me.
- He uses a lot of finger guns I feel like, Mark Cuban.
- Okay I mean, who gets hurt in this?
Does a squirrel, does an elephant or does a--
- I guess art gets hurt. - Relationship on the rocks.
- Well this is a proven business model though,
having people draw something for you for a small fee.
It's not a great idea.
But I don't think it's the worst idea that's ever been
on Shark Tank.
I think that's got to me, oh, okay.
- [Link] I'm just, I can't reach three or four yet.
I'm listening.
- Okay well I feel like we should move the Squirrel Boss
all the way down to number four.
- No. - Because, I mean again,
setting aside the fact that squirrels everywhere
are being shocked by it,
it actually is accomplishing the purpose
that the person buys it for,
probably pretty effectively, right?
You wanna shock the squirrels,
do you wanna be the boss of squirrels?
There's the Squirrel Boss.
- Are we making a moral judgment that it's okay
by putting it at number four? - Yes.
- No we're just saying it's the intention
of the customer when they buy it is fulfilled.
So I think that-- - What?
You don't think that's a cat drawing?
- [Rhett] Yeah that's why it's number three.
- Don't be jealous 'cause he didn't draw a cat for you,
Stevie.
- Well I don't need any cat drawings.
- But I mean this, it's one thing to hear about
a bad idea, it's another thing to have the idea put
into your own ear.
- And then you have to charge your ear every night.
- [Rhett] Yeah you know what I'm saying.
- I like the idea but as a prank,
you can find someone who has that
and pair your phone to their Bluetooth
and then just rocket Hall and Oates into their face
at two in the morning.
- Yeah it can be abused.
It's the worst idea in this--
- [Jordan] I hope you like Staind!
- I would like that, so let's work together.
But yes the IEIBBD
Implant Ionic-Ear Injected Bluetooth Base Device
is the worst Shark Tank invention that we heard
about this morning. - Yes.
Thank you for all those bad ideas though
and thank you for liking, commenting and subscribing.
- Now you guys say you know what time it is.
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