- I got love for you.
- If you're not swinging man's weight
then you ain't doing much for man.
- But I don't love you.
- If it don't make money, it don't make sense.
Don't come to man talking about no love ting.
I'm all about money, grind, hustle.
(Joyce blowing)
(whimsical music)
Hi guys. My name is Victor Kunda.
- And my name is Madame Joyce.
- [Both] And we are the "Down in the DMs."
- Guys, last episode we told you to bring in dilemmas
and oh my God, did you bring them?
We haven't seen any of these dilemmas
but our producers are telling us that it's what?
- It's hot, it is spicy.
- It's really hot.
- And we are back to solve your relationship problems,
to solve your toxic traits and to just be here for you.
Okay, this is safe space. - It's not.
- A safe space of non-relationship experts.
- Yes, with that being said we are not professionals,
we are not doctors, we are not nurses.
Make sure that if you have some real issues please go
and see somebody that is qualified
because we we are just here to laugh, okay?
We just wanna laugh.
- But if you come to us
and your relationship goes wrong, blame Queen Elizabeth.
(Joyce laughs)
- Mr. Victor.
- Card number one.
- Are you ready?
(upbeat music)
(air whooshes)
Guys, dilemma number one.
(whimsical music)
I just got an incredible job offer
and my girlfriend is angry and jealous.
My girlfriend and I both work in tech
and we agreed to make great money and have good careers.
Getcha your coins.
- Purr.
- We've been together for 10 years by the way.
I left my job last year to take some time off
for mental health purposes.
And then a friend of mine offered me a job
with the company he is joining.
If I take this job
I'll be basically making 2.5 times her salary.
Bruh, I told her and she got very angry and crying.
Like, I know she's always competitive
but I expected a congratulations at least.
I have ideas of what's upsetting her
but I don't wanna jump into conclusions.
Is it common with couples?
I'm just giving her space for now
but I was hoping for her to be happy about it.
(whimsical music)
How can your girlfriend be jealous
that you are making more money than her?
- More than her?
When in your relationship you are growing together,
you are building,
you are saving for the house you're about to move into.
- The mortgage.
- If anything she should be happy you are making more.
She don't have to put in as much.
- I'm not saying leave her
but I think it's a character thing.
- And you know the thing, even if you were jealous
it should be a thing of, babe.
- Hmm. - Yeah.
- Yes, babe.
- You're making this new amount of money.
I'm not gonna lie I'm jealous
but what it's gonna do is make me work harder.
Not just, you are making that amount of money, man.
Why?
- Not angry and crying.
Someone that you're supposed to love is giving you good news
and you are sobbing?
- In a relationship your achievements are my achievements.
Your wins are my wins.
Your losses are my losses.
Your dad leaving is also my dad...
(Joyce laughs)
- But seriously I feel like there needs to be a conversation
that needs to be had
as to probably why she's feeling like that.
I see people that I love and cherish doing well
and I'm like, "Oh if sis can do it so can I.
If my boo can look like this, so can I."
This is not--
- Not competition but coalition.
- This one went to school.
- You need to speak to her and just be like,
"What is going on?"
And if her answer isn't immediately, damn I messed up,
I'm sorry, pack your things and move to London Bridge.
- Pack your things and call me 2.5 times salary.
Call me I'm single.
(Victor laughs)
- My girl admitted she cheated on me two years ago.
- Hey! Hey, hey hey.
- Wave mine for me, baby.
Yeah, thank you.
(air whooshing)
Yeah, basically we've been together five years
and a couple years ago she was doing this group project
and I noticed one of the guys was flirting with her.
Once the project was over I asked her about the guy
and she promised it was harmless and nothing happened.
But something in my spirit
told me to ask about it again yesterday.
And she had admitted cheating
and now I don't know what to do.
- That's too bad.
- We've changed a lot in two years
so I guess she's not that person anymore
but I don't think I'll be able to move past this.
What would you do?
(whimsical music)
You said it was two years ago.
She's not that person anymore.
If she can still keep it in has there been much change?
- She held a secret in for two years and said nothing.
You know that is so scary.
That's not even a red flag, that's just hell.
- That one is just immediate break.
- Because when you think about it,
what else is she lying about?
Because she promised, sis said on my,
sis probably sat there like--
- No man, that's just my friend. Stop it.
- On my mom, on my mom,
on my mom's life I wouldn't do that to you.
How can you say that?
You know me, you know me, babe.
You know--
- Is there trust in our relationship?
So trust me.
This would be the kind of thing
to just break my trust in humanity completely.
- I'm telling you I couldn't stay in that relationship
knowing that someone has dishonest to me
for two whole years.
And then you now wanna pop it up one day very blunt
and like, "Oh yeah, yeah we (beep)."
But you kept in for two years.
You were sleeping peacefully.
You slept well, you woke up well, we were good together.
- In my bed as well.
- We did two anniversaries.
You know mummy, you know daddy,
you know sister Catherine and brother Bobby.
- And you are looking at them in the eyes saying,
"Oh, hello, auntie."
when they're all saying to you, "Oh, take care of him."
Yes I will take care of him. - Of course.
(Victor mumbling)
And you're her.
(Joyce laughs)
(Joyce claps)
In the bin.
- In the bin.
- Here we are here.
Here's the light.
(orchestral music)
♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah ♪
♪ Dump that (bleep), dump that (bleep) ♪
♪ Hallelujah ♪
(both laughing)
(whimsical music)
- Last one, Madam.
- Thank you very much, sir.
Such a gentleman.
- I Know.
At least I didn't cheat on you two years ago.
- I told my boyfriend that I love him and he said nothing.
(Joyce laughs)
- Girl just come, come sit with me.
(Joyce laughs)
- Sorry.
(clears throat)
I accidentally told my boyfriend this morning
that I love him
and he pretended like he didn't hear anything.
(Joyce laughs)
- It wasn't accidental.
Let's not say it was a accidental.
- Sorry, I need to...
At first I felt a rush of embarrassment
but now I'm just scared
that it's gonna be awkward from now on.
Should I be scared that I scared him off?
Has anyone else experienced this?
How did you and your partner move forward?
(whimsical music)
First of all, how does one accidentally tell someone
that they love them?
- That's what I was saying.
It's accidental, you love him.
- She's like she slipped and she said, "Oh, I love you."
(both laughing)
- She burned her hair on the straightener and was,
"Oh, I love you."
(Joyce laughs)
- You love him and that's okay.
That's okay to love someone and to vocalize,
to say that you love someone
but it's when this guy acted like he didn't hear anything.
- I honestly don't know what to say.
- Obviously different people have different times
to when they say that they love them but God damn.
- Even just an adult conversation.
Thank you for saying that to me
however my process to get to love someone
takes a bit longer so I feel for you.
- I do to the core.
- I feel for you
but for me to say, I love you babe I can't.
- We ain't quite there yet. - I can't do that.
- We ain't quite there.
I got love for you.
- If you're not swinging man's weight
then you aint doing much for man.
- But I don't love you.
- If it don't make money, it don't make sense.
Don't come to man talking about no love ting.
I'm all about money, grind, hustle.
(Joyce blowing)
- I feel like it's not something
that should break the whole relationship,
but just say like, "Babe I said, I loved you.
You acted like you didn't hear me.
One, did you actually not hear me
because we had Roddy Ricch playing in the background
so like...
But two, do you love me?
It's okay to say that you don't.
But if you feel like you will get there eventually
just like let me know and give you timing
so we can book in a Zoom meeting
for you to tell me you love me."
(whimsical music)
- Okay guys, that is another chaotic episode.
I had so much fun.
Did you have a good time?
- My heart is still--
- Your heart is beating.
- My heart is paining for the girl
that didn't get love back.
- If you guys wanna be involved make sure that you email us
at downinthedms@buzzfeed.com, baby.
- And let us know what you think.
Comment down below.
DM us if you even have any dilemmas,
we'll see if we can get our phones involved
in this as well. - We want you.
- I have been Victor Kunda.
- And I am Madame Joyce.
- And we have been...
♪ downinthedms@buzzfeed.com ♪
♪ Hey, downinthedms@buzzfeed.com ♪
♪ Let 'em know, oh downinthedms@buzzfeed.com ♪
♪ Let's slow, downinthedms@buzzfeed ♪