(upbeat techno music)
♪ Stereo 54
♪ Bright lights big city
♪ Stereo 54
♪ Bright lights big city
- Bam, three months' rent.
I'm telling you, best job ever!
- Really? Holy shit!
- Yes!
They're great tippers and good dudes, super fun.
I'm not gay but I get it now.
Man, remember how back home the only gay bar
had no sign outside
and it looked like a fucking vampire's lair?
- Those farmers would like sneak into the alley
and go into some sketch door in the shadows,
just like, "Gaaaaaaay."
- Yeah, shit ain't like that out here dog.
- Um, you can put your shirt back on by the way.
I'm not gonna tip you.
- Nah, I'm still buzzing from the energy in that place.
You gotta come check it out.
- Yeah wouldn't that look weird?
I'm not gay.
- You would look weird in a haunted house.
You gotta stop worrying about what other people think of you
that's no way to live your life brother.
Look at these business cards,
agents, producers, actors, directors,
tons of industry dudes dying to meet guys
they haven't already fucked.
And straight guys hang out there too, sometimes.
- What if I have to go to the bathroom
and then like a crowd gathers around me?
- That would be a very small crowd.
(upbeat music)
- I'm just waiting on my wife.
She should be here any second now.
What gym are you working out at?
- I'm not telling you, you're not spotting me.
Maybe try not looking like a fucking serial killer, Jesus.
- I told you this was gonna be weird for me, man.
- Here, have a shot.
- No, no I'm just gonna sip my beer.
- Drink it.
Now let's get you a real cocktail.
Catch a buzz for god's sakes, loosen up.
They're gay guys, not fucking ISIS.
- Alright fine, let me get an Adios Motherfucker.
- Whoa, alright, bringing us back to our college days,
your college days.
Alright here, have another shot.
- It's a Wednesday, what is happening?
- Alright, if anybody asks, don't say you're not gay.
- Why?
- You're an actor, right?
Be an open book.
Hey Andre!
(upbeat music)
- Man I wish they had the Lakers game on.
- I was just thinking that.
They don't have WiFi so I can't watch it on my phone.
- I love the vibe but it's like pulling teeth
to catch a game here.
- Right? It's so annoying.
- Do you come here a lot?
- Not a lot, no.
I'm here 'cause my best friend Rick is bartending.
- Best friend?
You can say fuck buddy it's okay.
- Oh what the fuck man?
Gross! Yuck!
- Okay.
- No, I'm just saying,
I grew up with him, he's like a brother to me
so it's like I don't wanna think about fucking him.
That's weird.
- I gotcha, that's cool.
Mark.
- Gary.
So what bars do you usually go to?
I mean, I get around a little bit,
I never see you out.
- I don't really go out, man, I'm not a big drinker.
- Here's another shot and your Adios Motherfucker.
- This is random, Rick made me do this.
I don't normally, this is like--
- It's all good.
Where are you from?
- Born and raised in Iowa, both of us.
- The Hawkeye state!
Nice, let me guess, you're an actor.
- Every time I tell somebody I'm from Iowa,
they always assume I'm an actor, every time.
- Sorry, I just assumed that.
Look, you should be if you're not,
you've got a great Midwestern look.
- I mean I am an actor, so like they're right
when they say that but it's just funny
that everybody knows.
- Yeah well look it's no secret,
pretty much everyone here is in the business, including me.
Surprising, right?
- Oh you're an actor too?
- No, fuck no, I produce here and there.
Actually I just wrapped Battle for Gorgani Island 3
the other day.
- What?
Are you serious?
- Yeah!
- That's my favorite series ever!
The Gorgani series is epic, holy shit!
- Yeah, it's not exactly high art
but it definitely pays the bills.
- No, no, no, no, if you guys do another one,
just please let me audition.
I'll be a fucking tree, I'll be anything.
I worship it.
- I would love to make that happen.
- Yes!
- Let's just hope this one is as big as part two.
- It will be, it will be, it will be.
- Let's do it, knock.
Where's my drink?
- Rick, two shots, let's go!
- Are you sure he's your friend?
- If I was in the NBA, dude,
my shot would be a half court sky hook.
I would master that, you can't guard that.
Half court sky hook.
- Hey should I settle up?
Maybe we can catch the second half at my crib.
- Uh, yeah.
- Sweet, tell him to close us out.
I'm gonna take a piss and lay a bet on the.
- Okay.
- Go Lakers!
- Woo!
- So, how's it going?
- The guy's cool man, he's a producer.
He wants me to go back to his place
and watch the rest of the Laker game.
- Nice!
- Yeah, but I'm not fucking gay, I'm not fucking gay.
I'm not a gay man.
- Dude, he's not asking to teabag you,
he's saying let's go back and watch the Lakers game.
- I'm not fucking gay, I'm not fucking gay!
- For a straight guy, you sure are flirting a lot.
- What?
No, we're just broing out.
- Just go make friends.
Stop being so Iowa, Jesus.
- Return of the Mark!
Hey, did you settle us up?
- Oh yeah, can we get the...
- Hey, drinks are on me.
I got this one, go, go, go, go.
- Come on brother!
Hey I appreciate that man.
- Yeah, well you just take care of my buddy Gary.
That's my best friend, okay?
Be good to him.
- Will do.
You know, they say you can tell a lot about a man
by the company he keeps, right?
Hey our Uber's waiting, let's go.
(upbeat music)
- Two, one, win!
Nice win, man!
I told you, their defense had to step up
in the fourth quarter and they fucking did.
- Finally, fuck I could have scored in the first half.
- Right?
- Want another drink?
- Uh duh.
- Hey sorry, but we're all out of Adios Motherfuckers.
- Oh hilarious Mark, it's a good drink
and it's very strong.
- Or we could just skip the drinks
and go straight to fooling around.
- I gotta go, I gotta go.
- Oh come on, it's still early.
- Yeah, no I know, I gotta get to sleep,
I definitely have to go.
- Look Gary, obviously I think you're cute
and no, we don't have to have sex.
- Cool.
- But I'd really like to kiss you.
- Yeah, no.
- Then how about I eat your ass, motherfucker?
Kidding man.
You're straight aren't you?
- Yep.
- Fuck.
Why didn't you just say so?
- [Gary] I, I...
- I get it, you're an actor, I'm a producer.
It's this town man, that's why I don't tell people
what I do, everybody wants something.
It's so frustrating.
- I'm sorry man, I didn't--
- It's fine, It's fine.
It's just you think when you go to a gay bar
and a guy's bartender friend buys you drinks
and you hit it off, you think they'd be legit,
but no not even then.
- I didn't wanna go to the fucking bar.
Rick talked me into it.
I felt out of place the whole time.
I'm sorry.
I mean you're a great guy Mark,
I had an awesome time, truly!
You're really cool.
I really had fun.
I'm sorry.
- No hard feelings.
- No bro.
- Yo, yo, how'd it go?
- Awful!
He totally called me out for being straight.
I felt horrible.
- Oh no.
- I'm not going to your work anymore, okay?
I'm not gonna lie to people.
Super glad you have a cool job, you're making money,
but it's like I can't lead these guys on,
it's not cool.
- No I get it, I get it, no worries.
So how did it end with Mark?
- Mark? I let him blow me.
- (laughs) That was good, you almost got me.
Wait, what?
- I felt bad.
Look, I was trying to save the situation, okay?
They might do a Gorgani 4.
- So you're gay?
- I'm not fucking gay.
I closed my eyes, pretended it was Brad Pitt.
- But Brad Pitt's a guy.
- No he's not, he's Brad Pitt.
- Okay, whatever makes you happy, I'm not judging.
- Hey you fucking did this!
Don't tell my mom.
- Okay man, I'll just tell your dad.
(upbeat music)