Do we ever really feel ready for what we want to take on? How to take action when
you don't feel ready? So folks, Jill Hernandez is with me here today. Jill is
a certified Live on Purpose coach and she's got some insights about this
particular topic. And we've all been there right, Jill? Where there's something
that we're going to do. We want to do, we've told people we're going to do. We've
made a commitment somehow and we just have a hard time getting started because
we don't feel ready. -Yeah, ready. And that's an important key word that we're
going to come across all the time. And probably, you've heard that question many
times. "Are you ready?" I've had a question asked too because...
And many times to me, I'm a professional educator. I've taught school for quite a
few years and I always get asked at the beginning of the year. "Are you ready for
school to start?" And my response typically to that question in trying to
show confidence is, "Yeah!" But truly, I'm not. There are so many other things that
I can do to really be ready for the school year to start. And that's true for
you. Whatever you want to start, I'm sure there's things in your mind right now
that you feel like, "No, I'm not ready." And ready is really this feeling of
certainty. Feeling certain that you can start, that you have a capability there.
Feeling certain that it's right. That it's going to be okay and that it's
going to turn out right for you. And that feeling of certainty, you can always
count on. That's kind of funny, right? -Hmm. It's going to be there or it's not going
to be there. And sometimes that feeling of certainty comes actually after you
start. And so feeling ready may or may not happen for you. -You know what? As
you're introducing that Jill, I'm thinking, "When do we really feel ready?" I
mean, if it's something that you've already done before,
a hundred times then maybe yeah, you're like, "Oh yeah, I feel ready for that." But
usually... That's not where we're getting stuck, is it? -No. -Because the things that
we're promising ourselves that we're going to do or that we're going to start...
Those things are usually new to us or it stretches us. And we don't have any
experience to give us that feeling of confidence or certainty that you're
talking about. When do you really feel ready to become a parent? -Right. -To write
that book? To start that new career? Whatever it is, right? Because this is new
for you. -Right. And having it being new for you means it's outside of your
comfort zone. Something you've not done before. You're not certain about it. So,
how do you do it without certainty? How do you do it not feeling ready? Well,
there's three stages that we all pass through to start something. And today
we're going to slow the stages down. And elaborate on the stages in an attempt to
give you power over what happens in the stage. That when you understand the stage,
what's going on, you can do something about that. So, the first stage is the
"Decision." You decide to start something. And that decision comes with thinking.
You have to think about it. You have to decide whether or not that is for you.
And the decision stage can get a few of us stuck. We can get stuck there. In
deciding what we want to start. -Well Jill, this is different from considering. Which
we've been doing all along, right? We've been thinking about it, we've been
considering. So, I get the feel from you as you say decide. It's like boom! This is
it. This is what I'm going to do. In fact, the word decide, it has the same root as
the word exigent or incision, right? Which has to do with cutting something. -Yeah. -A
decision is very literally cutting something off. What is it that we're
cutting off? We're cutting off the option to continue spinning around in that
indecision. -Right. -Right? So, it's a very determined that I'm moving forward with
this now. -Right. And there are some ways that will help you make a quicker
decision instead of that spinning and cycling over and over again. The way I
find the ability to make a quicker decision is by focusing on the pain. And
when you start something, you have to consider that there's pain. It's outside
of your comfort zone, that's not going to be easy, it's going to be difficult.
There's some pain associated with that. And then also, the pain of not starting
it. There's pain associated to that too. -Oh, you get pain either way? -There's pain
either way. Whether you start it or you don't start it. There's pain. -So, you're
saying pick your pain? -Pick your pain. -I'm staying stuck or the
pain that's going to be required to move forward. -Right. And why we get stuck here
is because when we do consider the pain, we think that our immediate position is
more painful than what would be determined later on. The later pain
feels like nothing. Because it's not here, it's not present, it's not now. However...
And many people have said in the past and we can learn from their experience.
That the pain of regret weighs tons and the pain of whatever you're going to
start now, weighs ounces. -Well, you know what, Jill? This is so psychologically
spot-on. Because our brain is wired to see now
pain as greater than or bigger than later pain. -Right. -And what you're saying
is get really real about that. Because the later pain is going to happen. What
if what if I'm telling myself for example that I'm going to start
exercising. -That's painful. -Yeah, that's going to take some effort,
right? But what happens if you don't? Is the pain of those health problems or
that obesity or whatever it is that happens because you didn't exercise, is
that real pain? Yes, but it's later on, right? It's down the
road away. So, I think what you're saying is so important to understand.
Psychologically, your brain is going to get in the way a little bit. Because it
is painful to start. But remember, it's painful to not start.
That's just delayed a little bit. -Right. So to cap that one in the first stage,
the decision stage. Decide what you want, the pain will help you make a quicker
decision. And the quicker you decide, the sooner you actually start. -Right. -And then
the second stage is called "Preparation." -Okay. -Okay, you have to prepare somehow.
And depending on what you want to start, well, the preparation will depend on that
too. -Right. -Some things take more preparation than others. And whatever you
want to start, you do have to prepare. For your example of I'm going to start to
exercise. Well, a decent pair of shoes is helpful. And some workout clothes. Simple
preparation. But on others... On other things, you'll need a little more
preparation. Well, how do you know you've had enough? You've prepared enough. How do
you know you have enough preparation and you can start? This state is the stuck
stage for so many of us. We'd feel like, "No, there's more I need to prepare and
there's more I need to do." And there always is more you can do. And we've
covered that. There is more you can do. So, how do you know you've had enough? And
you don't stay in the preparation stage? You have to look at where you are and
ahead of you. And if you have enough to take one step forward,
you have enough. -Take that step. -Right. In fact, there's a story I want to share
with you. I think will really help you understand it. As a little girl that was
born as a baby. And she grew and as a one-year-old she was goo-goo and gaga and
her parents were excited and happy and smiling. And she learned to make sounds
and she was using her sounds to communicate in the goo-goo, gaga.
Parents are excited and light was added to her. She learned a new skill,
she used the skill. Light was added to her. She grew older, she learned the
alphabet, went to school, learned to read in words. Every time she read
words and learned that new skill and used it light was added to her. -Okay. -She grew
a little older. She learned to play different games at recess or she
learned to do different things. Every time she learned a new skill and used it, light
was added to her. Every day was preparation for the next day. Every week
was preparation for the next week. Every year and every decade is preparation for
the next decade. So, by the time she was 8 and 9, she decided... Decided, I
want to learn to play an instrument. Talked with her parents about that, they
decided on piano. Let's do piano lessons. So, she goes to
the piano studio on her first day of piano lessons. And she sits in the foyer.
And she can hear tinkling going on in the other room with the piano teacher
and another student. And she's nervous. She hasn't started piano lessons yet. She
doesn't feel ready. It's something new to her. And she's pretty sure she's not
prepared. What has she done up to this point, to start learning piano lessons.
She can't figure it out. I don't know. But yet, there she is. She still know she
wants to learn to play the piano. And as soon as the tinkling of the piano ends,
the student comes walking out and she's expecting to see her piano teacher walk
out as well and meet her or him and start learning to play the piano. No one walks
out. And the room is dark. But she hears inside of it a voice. And the voice
invites her to come in and to start the piano lesson. So, she's taking a few steps
toward the door. Even more uncertain now. "What am I getting into? This is not for
me." Yet, she hears the voice again inviting her in. And as soon as she takes
her first step in the dark, she's surprised to see her feet illuminated.
She can see her feet now. She takes another step intrigued by this whole
phenomena. -Yeah. -And now she can see her legs. And she takes another step and now
she can see her arms. She takes another step in now the kid, she can see her piano
teacher. In another step she sees the piano and the bench and she's able to
sit. And she can see it all. -Mm-hmm. -And she sits down on the piano bench pretty
puzzled. And looks at her teacher and is asking, "How is that possible? Did you turn
on the light?" And her piano teacher smiles back at her and says, "Of course not,
it was you. You brought that brilliance and that radiance with you.
You have enough to be able to begin to learn the piano." And that's the same for
you, you have been preparing. You have skills, you have abilities that you can
use to start what you like to start. And it's enough. -Mmm. I love that, Jill. I think
if we look at this in terms of we are already prepared to take our next step,
whatever that is, right? And this little piano student that you're talking about, I had
several thoughts as you shared that story, Jill. And how she learned sounds
and then she learned words. And everything that you have already done
has brought you to the point where this is even a consideration for you in the
first place. You turn it from a consideration to a decision. And then
your preparation will follow. I love it. There's a third point. -The last stage, "The
Trigger." -Hmm. -Oh, this one's exciting. This is where you pull the trigger and
it's the first action you do. That's the start of what you want to start. I want
you to imagine runners in a race. They are on the track, they're
in their running outfit and their shoes. Now, these are professional runners.
They've been doing this so they're really good at it. I want you to picture
that kind of a runner. And we know they made the decision to run because
they're it's obvious by their presence they are there. We also know they've
prepared. They obviously looked prepared not just in their clothing but
physically. They've been putting some time into that preparation for a
particular race and the training .And now, you see them on the track and there's
preparation going on. They might be jumping up and down and rolling your
shoulders and stretching. And the race is about to begin.
Okay. So, they get into their lane. They get into their blocks. They set their
feet, they set their hands on that line. They look one more time probably at the
closest look they'll ever get out of the actual track. And they wait for the
trigger. There's a trigger that's pulled and that initiates the race. And that
trigger starts all the action. -Literally in this case. Starting
gun. -And it's a great lesson for you. And I think about when we want to start what
we need to start or we've decided to start because when we pull the trigger,
that's when everything we have goes into it. And if you think of the runners, as
soon as the triggers pulled, you watch every muscle in their body contract and
push against those blocks and put them off the track on today. Race. -Yeah. -Yeah,
the trigger is an amazing stage. So, who pulled the trigger?
Well in that race, there's a particular individual that pulls the trigger. Every
runner is ready for the trigger to be pulled. And the race starts. Do they feel
certain? We don't know. They're on the track set. They might have doubts if
they're ready or not. But yet, when this trigger is pulled they act, they go. They
run, their race. And it's the same for us. You know, we may have set a date when we
want to start something. And that's a great way to actually pull the trigger
is to schedule the action. Ready or not, go. aAd that's the same with those
runners in the race that they do have to start. That triggers pulled, the decision
was made, the preparation was put in as much as they could. And they run. What if
you're not ready. -I was just having the what-if question popping in my head
too. Well, what if the triggers pulled and you're not ready? That happened to
someone. -Start anyway. -Well... And this is what she did. There was a... Back in Athens
at the Olympic Games, there was an Olympian named Tiffany Lott-Hogan and she
was getting prepared to compete in the 800 meter dash. She competes in the
heptathlon event. And that's her specialty and this is part of that event
and it's the 800 meter dash. And that race is a little different. Maybe in your
mind, you imagine the runners at the same line, right? And they're all next to each
other and it's maybe a faster spin. Now, didn't evolve it's a really good runner.
She has the 55 meter hurdles world record. And she said that in 1997 when
she was in college. She was that same year named greatest female collegiate
athlete. And she qualified for the Olympics and there she is, she's an
amazing runner . In the 800 meter dash, they are actually set in different lanes
apart from each other. So, Tiffany's in Lane eight then the
the Olympians are back behind and they're not set by each other. And you
have a starter that helps you know when to get started. Now, she's in Greece in
Athens. And some Greek comes over the loudspeaker and she's figuring, "Okay, I
think that's... Getting my blocks." You know, she's getting prepared for the race and
as soon as she's down on the track, that hasn't even said her fingers, the
triggers pulled. And the race has started. And she wasn't set. -She wasn't ready.
-She wasn't set. She threw her hands up in the air and she was frustrated. And she
started walking down the track. And she wanted to stall the race. And the runners
ran faster. And she thought... -They're not waiting for her. -"...do I run?" And at that point she really had
considered, "Okay, already 3 or 4 seconds have passed and it's time going
by. -That's a lot of time. And that kind of a that's a lot of time. And she just
thought, "Uh, I don't know." She wanted them to recall the race. She never actually
ran in that one. And the race was finished and she was hoping that they
would recall it. And that she could actually run in it. But they had to put
her in a different heat. And she did run the 800 meter dash. She did receive
points for that. But boy that was hard for her. When the trigger was pulled and
she wasn't ready. It's really important that when you're going to start
something, you pull the trigger. Because then you have enough preparation to take
that step in the dark, you pull the trigger and you do the action. And when
someone else is doing it for you, you could experience a ton of frustration in
the process. -Bold, courageous action. So, you can start even if you don't feel
ready. -You can and you have enough, you are enough, you can bring your brilliance
with you and do what you want to start. Thank You, Jill for those insights. Wasn't
that cool? I think you're ready now even though you don't feel like it.