♪♪♪ >>> IT'S TIME TO PLAY "CELEBRITY
FAMILY FEUD: OSCARS EDITION." HERE'S YOUR HOST, STEVE HARVEY!
>> OKAY. ALL RIGHT.
OKAY, NOW. NOW, WELCOME TO "CELEBRITY
FAMILY FEUD, OSCARS EDITION." NOW YOU MIGHT NOT BELIEVE THIS,
BUT I HAVE NEVER WON AN OSCAR. MY LIVE SHOW WON A BLACK TONY OR
WHICH IN THE INDUSTRY WE CALL A TONI BRAXTON.
ALL RIGHT. TODAY WE GOT OSCAR WINNERS
VERSUS OSCAR LOSERS. [ APPLAUSE ]
ON THE WINNER SIDE, SHE JUST WON BEST ACTRESS FOR "THREE
BILLBOARDS," FRANCES McDORMAND. [ APPLAUSE ]
>> THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
THANK YOU. AND FOR ALL YOU LADIES OUT
THERE, I HAVE TWO WORDS THAT ARE GOING TO CHANGE OUR INDUSTRY,
BURLAP DRESS. >> YOU'RE THE KIND OF
LADY THAT GOES TO A DOG PARK AND APPOINTS HERSELF SHERIFF.
ALL RIGHT. NEXT UP, HE WON BEST DIRECTOR
FOR "THE SHAPE OF WATER." LET'S SEE IF I'M PRONOUNCING
THIS CORRECTLY. GUCCI DEL TACO.
>> HELLO, STEVE. IT'S GUILLERMO dEL TORO.
>> ALRIGHT, SO YOUR MOVIE IS ABOUT A LADY WHO GETS BUSY WITH
A FISH? >> A FISH MONSTER.
YES. I LOVE MY MONSTERS.
>> AND IT WON BEST PICTURE? MAN, THAT SOUNDS LIKE A WAYANS
BROTHERS MOVIE. ALL RIGHT.
NEXT, SHE JUST WON AN OSCAR FOR "I, TONYA."
AND I'M SORRY, BUT I DIDN'T SEE IT.
IT'S ALLISON JANNEY. >> YEAH, WELL, IF YOU WANT AN
OSCAR I HAVE ONE PIECE OF ADVICE, ACT WITH A BIRD.
THANK YOU, PUMPKIN. IF ANYTHING, YOU GAVE ME WINGS.
>> I WISH THEY MADE TINY LITTLE OSCARS FOR BIRDS.
NEXT, HE JUST WON BEST SCREENPLAY FOR "GET OUT."
THIS IS JORDAN PEELE. CONGRATULATIONS, BROTHER.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, STEVE. >> OH, MAN.
YOU ARE SO FUNNY TOO. I LOVED YOU ON "KEY AND PEELE."
>> WELL, SKETCH COMEDY IS GREAT. BUT AT SOME POINT YOU HAVE TO
MOVE ON, YOU KNOW? >> YOU DO?
>> YEAH. AFTER A FEW YEARS YOU'VE JUST
GOT TO DO SOMETHING MORE ARTISTIC, YOU KNOW?
>> HOW MANY YEARS? >> ARE YOU OKAY, STEVE?
>> WHO, ME? OH, YEAH, I'M FINE, PLAYER.
I'M REAL GOOD. I'M REAL GOOD.
LET'S GO OVER TO THE OSCARS LOSERS SIDE.
ALL RIGHT. FIRST UP, HE'S A RAPPER
WHO WON LAST YEAR FOR BEST SONG, BUT HE LOST THIS YEAR.
COMMON. >> YEAH, YEAH.
BLESSINGS, YO. IT'S AN HONOR TO BE HERE PART OF
THIS FAMILY. DESPITE OUR FEUD WE STILL PUT
FOOD ON THE TABLE, PROVIDE FOR THE CHILDREN, MAKE SURE THEIR
FUTURES ARE STABLE. >> YEAH, OKAY.
OKAY. LET'S SLOW IT DOWN THERE DR.
MARTIN LUTHER. ALL RIGHT.
NEXT, NOMINATED FOR "THE SHAPE OF WATER" IT'S THE LADY THAT GOT
BUSY WITH THE FISH MAN. SALLY HAWKINS.
>> HELLO, STEVE. >> NOW, TELL ME, WAS THAT FISH
MAN ACTUALLY SEXY? OOH!
SWAMPY. NEXT, HE'S A BEST SUPPORTING
ACTOR NOMINEE AND KIND OF LOOKS LIKE THE JOKER WITHOUT THE
MAKEUP. HERE'S WILLEM DAFOE.
HOW YOU FEELING WILLEM? >> TOTALLY RELAXED.
>> YOU SURE? >> YEP.
JUST COOLING OUT, STEVE. [ CREEPY LAUGH ]
>> SPOOKY LITTLE GOBLIN. ALL RIGHT.
FINALLY, HE WAS NOMINATED FOR "CALL ME BY YOUR NAME,"
TIMOTHEE CHALAMET. >> STOP.
COME ON. YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME.
I'M SO CUTE. >> HEY, MAN.
I SAW YOU IN THAT MOVIE GETTING BUSY WITH A PEACH.
I GUESS A FISH WASN'T AVAILABLE. LET ME GET TWO PLAYERS UP HERE.
LET'S PLAY THE "FEUD." ♪♪♪
>> YO, YO, YO FRANCES, THIS IS A PRIVILEGE.
>> YEAH. I MAY BE SMILING, BUT I'M NOT
FRIENDLY. >> FEEL THAT CHEMISTRY CRACKLE.
ALL RIGHT. 100 PEOPLE SURVEYED.
NAME SOMETHING YOU DO WHEN YOU GET UP IN THE MORNING.
COMMON. >> THE FIRST THING I
DO -- WELL, INSPIRE, ILLUMINATE, MULTIPLY, TEACH OUR CHILDREN THE
WAYS IN WHICH ONE AMPLIFIES OUR VOICES AND OUR CHOICES WILL
GLORIFY -- >> ALL RIGHT.
LET'S BUZZ THAT. LET'S BUZZ HIM.
MAN, YOU AIN'T NO RAPPER. YOU'RE LIKE A TED TALK SET TO
MUSIC. FRANCES?
FIRST THING YOU DO IN THE MORNING?
>> WELL, YOU KNOW, AS A WOMAN IN THE INDUSTRY I'VE GOT TO, YOU
KNOW, DOLL MYSELF UP. SO I DO MY SKIN CARE REGIMEN
WHICH IS JUST STRAIGHT UP VASELINE.
AND THEN I CURL MY HAIR USING MY OWN ANGER.
BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, I'VE HAD IT. >> OKAY.
SHOW ME SOME LADY YELLING. OH, MAN.
NUMBER THREE ANSWER. ALL RIGHT.
Y'ALL GOT THE BOARD. OKAY.
HERE WE GO. GIUSEPPE DAYTONA.
SOMETHING YOU DO WHEN YOU GET UP IN THE MORNING.
>> MORNINGS ARE MYSTERIOUS. WHEN DAWN BREAKS, I CHECK MY
NIGHTMARE TRAPS FOR MONSTERS. OH, EXCUSE ME.
I DROPPED MY GLASSES. AAH!
>> AAH! NO, NO, NO!
OH, YOU ARE CRAZY, DEL TACO. LET'S GO WITH ALLISON JANNEY.
WHAT DO YOU DO IN THE MORNING? >> GOSH, I DON'T DO MUCH.
I SHOOT AN EPISODE OF "MOM." THAT'S WHY THERE AREN'T JOBS FOR
WOMEN. I TOOK THEM ALL.
>> SHOW ME LOADING UP YOUR IMDB PAGE.
>> OKAY, JORDAN PEELE. SOMETHING YOU DO IN THE MORNING.
>> WELL, RIGHT NOW I'M WORKING ON A MOVIE ABOUT BEN CARSON.
>> OH, WHAT'S THAT CALLED? >> "GET OUT 2, WAKE UP BROTHER."
>> THAT WOULD EXPLAIN IT. SHOW ME MAKING A MOVIE ABOUT THE
WALKING DEAD. OH, MAN.
NOT UP THERE. ALL RIGHT, OSCAR LOSERS, YOU
HAVE A CHANCE TO STEAL. GIVE ME SOME ANSWERS.
>> I CAN'T SAY. >> FROLIC.
>> OKAY. COMMON, YOU'RE THE TEAM LEADER.
DO YOU HAVE AN ANSWER? >> ANSWERS.
THEY'RE NOT UP ON SOME BOARD. THEY'RE INSIDE US.
>> OH, LORD. HERE WE GO.
HERE WE GO. >> FROM MARTIN TO MALCOLM TO
BARACK AND MICHELLE, WE CAN MAKE LIGHT OUT OF THE DARK AND FIND
HEAVEN AND HELL. YOU'RE YOUR OWN FUTURE.
JUST GOT COME OUT OF YOUR SHELL. RAISE YOUR FISTS AND BELIEVE IN
YOURSELF. >> JUST GO TO COMMERCIAL.
>> YOU HAVE THE POWER. YOU HAVE THE ABILITY.
EVERYTHING CAN CHANGE IN AN INSTANT.