- Now there's this old saying that
communication is absolutely critical in a relationship.
I tend to agree with that statement.
You need to be able to articulate
what's going on in your mind and even
what emotions you're feeling
in order to properly connect with your partner.
However, there are times in a relationship
when communication is actually hurting the relationship.
This is something that most people don't talk about.
Everyone seems to talk about
"Make sure you're always communicating,
"always talking about your needs".
By the way I am a classic over communicator
in relationships aswell.
Jessica will definitely attest to that.
In this video I'm going to be talking about
three times in a relationship where you may wanna
actually take a step back and pull back from communicating
what it is your thinking or what it is you're feeling.
Because it is possible that
over communicating in your relationship
could be actually killing the relationship.
Keep watching.
(lighthearted music)
Hey there Adam Lodolce from sexyconfidence.com
where I help you help you create your love story.
Now for starters I just wanna say,
communication is very healthy in a relationship.
Men can't read your mind.
When you have something going on and what you're doing is
communicating in a passive aggressive way
or not telling him anything that is going on in your mind
or in your emotional sense,
then he's not going to be able to work with you
to fix that problem.
So I wanna be very clear in this video.
I'm not saying that all communication is bad.
Of course not.
What I am saying is that they're
a few different types of communication
where it can be too much.
It can be actually hurting the relationship
and causing someone to pull back
and actually creating more space in the relationship
than it is connecting you to.
Number one is overtexting.
One pattern I've been noticing
in the Sexy Confidence club forum
is this discussion about texting.
A lot of the members and a lot of the women
who are posting in their are talking about
how they don't feel like they're getting
enough responses from a guy that they're dating.
This is kind of a new pattern.
I'm noticing that women who are in
even the first month or even the first two or three months.
They have this expectation that
they are going to hear from their guy,
once, twice, three, four, five times a day.
Even ten years ago there was
a different set of expectations when it came to texting
and communication in a relationship.
I believe this is just a result of society expecting
that we get everything that we want when it is we want it.
I blame Amazon for this.
But it's true.
We feel like if we want to talk to someone
just because we have their phone number
and we have this little device right here,
then we have a right to talk to them.
I know for a fact that even five years ago
when Jessica and I met,
we weren't texting four or five times a day.
If she said within the fist three months of us dating
that I'm not texting her enough throughout the day,
I would really have to rethink things.
Because that to me communicates that that person really
needs to go get a life.
The second way people over communicate in relationships
is over communicating every single emotion
that flows through your body.
Now I for one am a total over communicator
and I've actually really had to pull this back aswell
which is, choosing your battles.
For example, Jess and I are currently planning a wedding
and it is a pretty big and complex wedding.
If I had personally communicated everything I felt
through every single step of the way,
she might just murder me.
Over the past few years, I've become more aware
of my emotions as they creep up.
Really try to think,
"Are they even logical?
"Is this actually something I want?"
If I'm feeling a certain way.
If I'm frustrated and I want change
and I don't want Jessica to do something,
is that actually logical
or is it just some random emotion that I'm feeling
because I'm hungry or tired or whatever?
So for all of you when you do you get frustrated or angry
or something is really bothering you,
really take a little bit of time for that to settle in.
Don't just immediately jump to texting
or immediately communicating with your partner
what the problem is.
Give it a little time to breathe.
Because in some cases, that emotion that you're feeling
isn't even logical in the first place.
The final way a lotta people
over communicate in relationships.
This is for a lot of you sexy single ladies
who are working on your confidence in relationships is
apologizing too much in a relationship.
When we are in conflict someone in a relationship,
it can be really easy to just apologize for something
to kinda put that bandaid on it and be able to move on.
That is very important at times to be able to
assess when you're wrong and then of course apologize
when you feel that you are wrong.
However, if you're the type of person
who is constantly apologizing even if you did nothing wrong
whatsoever in the relationship.
Just to keep things copacetic,
then I really want you to take a hard look at that behavior
because that in itself is over communicating.
So I wanna hear from all of you,
have you ever over communicated in a relationship
and how did it work out?
Leave a comment right there below.
Also if you enjoyed this video,
please give it a like on YouTube.
Don't forget to subscribe on YouTube.
Also, I have a course in the Sexy Confidence club
that is available to all members.
It's called "Rich Relationships".
It really walks you through the four components
of a healthy relationship.
I have that in the link in the description
right there below.
Or check out the link in the bio
if you're watching this on Instagram.
Thank you so much for watching.
I will speak to you sexy single ladies next week.
Buh-bye.