- I know in the Western world
sometimes people can think Asian last names are funny.
You got names like Phuc, Dung, and of course, Ho,
but these names aren't actually funny, right,
they're just traditional Asian names
that sounds like a different word in English.
So I think if you're an Asian person
who lives in the Western world,
you gotta learn your mother tongue at least a little bit
so you'll know what your name actually means.
I have a friend whose name was Long Wang.
He was so distraught by that,
but if he spoke Mandarin,
he would've known Long Wang, Long Wang,
means dragon king in Mandarin,
a beautiful, majestic name,
but in English, it means porn star.
So if you're Asian and you're self-conscious
that your last name is kinda weird,
don't worry about it because white people's names are weird,
too, just nobody talks about it because they are viewed
as a default race in the Western world.
You ever notice how white names tend to be jobs
their ancestors used to have?
Miller, Mason, Cook, so you'd get a job
as a cook and you're like,
"I want all future generations to be named Cook."
I met a person whose last name was Hooker
and I was like, Hooker?
Why did your ancestors want everybody
to know that they were a hooker?
Surely it can't mean prostitute, right?
Let's see where the name Hooker comes from.
All right, Hooker, the name was taken on
by someone who worked as a person
who made hooks, now that is unfortunate, right?
That the word has a double meaning?
If I made hooks and I had to come up with a name
to describe my job, I would say Hookmaker, not a hooker.
In the old days, that family must have gotten
so many confused visitors.
"Excuse me, sir, we make hooks here.
"Now put your dick away."
And if your name is what job you had at the time,
what happens before you got the job?
"Oh, his name is Jack Baker,
"but two days ago, he was Jack Unemployed."
I'm glad in Asia, we don't name people
based on what jobs their ancestors used to have,
otherwise, we'd be seeing people go,
"Oh, nice to meet you.
"My name's Soo Min Rickshawdriver."
Other common last names
for white people are based on colors.
I know Green, Blue, and White.
Those are common last names.
Green, Blue, and White, what,
you just saw like the Windows XP wallpaper
and go, "Yeah, that is our naming sorted."
I met a white person once whose last name was Rice.
That should be my last name. (laughs)
My name is all messed up, too.
I'm from Malaysia and my name's Nigel Ng
and people get confused by that.
"But Nigel is such a British name."
Yeah, Malaysia used to be a British colony.
They stole our land, so we stole their names.
And my last name is Ng.
The amount of confusion that's caused white people
has been staggering.
"Oh no, there're no vowels in there!
How do I do this?
Nigel Ng, Ng.
I'll just go with Nigel N-G.
If you're watching this video,
let me know in the comments below:
has anyone ever made fun of your name before?
Be proud of your own name.
It's what your parents gave you.
It's part of your culture and heritage.
Unless your name's Batman Bin Suparman.
That's just your parents fucking with you
and it's hilarious. (laughs)