Good morning.
It's 10 am and I've just arrived in Madras,
or Chennai as they're calling it these days.
Don't have many plans for today,
this is gonna be my only day in the city,
other than just explore and
and maybe eat and, in fact talk about eating,
Western comforts right there, Krispy Kreme.
Ho, ho, ho, what do we have?
Hi.
Oh, all sorts of good stuff.
Maybe I will try a,
hmm,
what is a Mango Masti? What is it?
Mango Masti sir?
Yeah, what is it? Is it nice?
Yes sir.
Okay, I will try it.
One Mango Masti please.
Dine in or take away?
Yes, I will eat now.
Mmm.
A nice wee sweet treat to start the day
but I think I'll be going for more
authentic Indian food for the rest of the day.
Okay, join me on the wee adventure.
Thank you my friend, thank you.
Okay, so,
I've just arrived at my hotel
which is right next to an absolutely massive mall.
It's also quite close to the metro station,
which actually leaves from the airport.
I forgot all about that.
I was actually gonna take the metro
and then walk to the hotel.
And that's actually part of the reason why I booked this hotel,
was that it was close to the metro station,
but I forgot all about it. Never mind.
Let's see if we can checkk in. It is rather early.
It's not even 11 O'clock yet.
E Hotel?
E Hotel? Yes.
This one's at back side.
Back side, oh.
My taxi dropped me off here.
No worries, okay.
Walk all the way around, yeah?
Ah.
Left.
Okay, good. Thank you.
Okay.
So, I did choose E Hotel
on the Ola app
but the ersehole
dropped me off right here, outside
Max.
Never mind, I guess I have to walk
all the way around.
Well my first impressions of Chennai,
from the drive from the airport to here,
it just looks like a big modern clean city.
Which is nice after you've been in other parts of India where
it's a bit, you know, chaotic and stuff.
The roads here seem fairly calm
by Indian standards.
Anyway, a big nice clean city isn't exactly
what I came here, to India for.
I came for a bit of adventure, so
it's nice to be staying in this kinda like
nice area but
I think today I want to go and explore old Madras.
Surely there is an old town somewhere
that I can go and explore.
Right, where's this bloody hotel then.
Think I've just done a lap of the bloody
mall.
Could it be here?
Well that looks like that building is connected to the mall.
That's the mall all the way there.
I guess that's probably it there.
E Hotel, E Hotel?
???? camera.
Uh? Yeah, camera, yeah.
Uh?
Don't use camera inside the mall.
Inside the mall? I'm not inside the mall.
I'm outside.
Okay?
Don't use the camera inside the mall.
Okay, do I look like I'm inside a bloody mall?
Nah mate.
Mind your business.
Yer man's gonna go check into this hotel.
Hopefully, it's not even 11 O'clock
so dunno if I'll get early check-in or not.
Let's see if they mind.
Hi, how are you?
Fine thank you.
Looking for E Hotel. This entrance?
Oh, great. Fantastic.
Take right. Okay.
Here? Okay.
This reception is it?
Hello.
I'm a little bit early but
can I possibly check in?
Booking or a walk in?
Yes I'm booking.
I think it was on Agoda.
Let me get my passport for you.
There you are.
You are looking for
some places or like?
Yeah, just where the original city would have been.
You know, like.
Parry's Corner and T. Nagar.
You said Palace Corner or Paris Corner?
Parry's Corner.
Paris? Like in France? Paris, France?
Yes.
Okay, I will find that and start off there exploring.
It's the local area.
Local area?
Like a old style.
Yeah, that's what I'm looking for.
Okay, great.
Thank you very much.
Lot of shops is there.
Yeah?
Like small shops? Yeah.
Small old shops. Okay, that's what I'm looking for.
Fantastic.
The room will be getting ready sir,
so you want?
ah, I can just like,
30 minutes or something like that is it?
So now it is 11, so
it will take more than an hour sir.
More than an hour? Check in is 2
but I'll give you as soon as possible.
Ah, like 12 or something, or?
Yes.
Ah, okay.
So you want the smoking or non-smoking room?
Non-smoking please.
So,
I reckon I'm probably just gonna go
and check this mall out for now.
My room's gonna be ready in 50 minutes.
I did just slap on all the SPF 50
sunblock, ready to go and explore the streets
but I dunno, it's only 50 minutes.
I reckon,
oh, just explore the mall just now,
and then get settled in to the hotel
and then hit the old town.
That's it.
Wonder if I can get any authentic Indian food
in the mall.
That's the thing, you're not allowed to use your camera in the mall,
unless you use it sneakily!
Aye.
Okay, well take your pick of the authentic Indian food
between Chili's, Burger King
and such like, oh there's a Pizza Hut there as well.
Let's see, there's a food court there.
Maybe we can find.
Hi, how are you? Good afternoon.
Maybe we can find something in here.
Oh look, Dasa Dosa,
that sounds more authentic. Let's give that a go.
What's this? I guess you have to put money on a card.
And there's no refund, right?
Yes sir.
I should find out how much things are first before I get the card, right?
That would be a good idea.
Okay, well this looks like an international food court.
You've got over there, the fake Nandos, the peri-peri chicken,
they're calling that Barcelo's,
Arabian Hut there,
you've got you momos.
What is this? Something wok?
Oriental Wok? Orange Wok.
That's Chinese I guess.
Fruit juice shop
and
Street Foods by Punjab Grill.
Well,
I guess that's authentic, innit?
Let's see what their menu's like.
Amritsar Kulcha Paneer, right?
It's 200 but taxes are extra, right?
Extra.
I need to go and get the card,
so you tell me how much and I'll go and get the card.
Mango Lassi, that's Alphonso Lassi.
You have Mango Lassi?
Yeah, Alphonso Lassi, Mango Lassi.
Alphanso Lassi is Mango Lassi?
Yes. Okay.
I will take Alphanso Lassi.
Can you find out the price?
302.
302? Okay, I'll go and get the card.
Okay, thank you.
Okay.
That's the way to do it,
so you're not wasting money.
Find out how much it is,
put that exact money on the card,
go and get it.
Fantastic. Thank you my friend.
Sir.
Okay.
The Kulcha be 15 to 20 minutes.
15 to 20 minutes?
Okay, I will be sitting around here, okay?
Yes.
Okay.
What do I do with the card now? I give it back?
Yeah, or whatever. Okay.
Okay, great. Thank you.
Fantastic.
Maybe I'll keep the card as a wee souvenir
of coming to this mall.
Right, let's find a wee quiet space
so I can sit and talk to you guys
while I have a wee munch.
Okay. Here we are.
Ho ho ho.
So this is the Kulcha,
this Amritsar Kulcha Paneer,
I think it was called on the menu.
So this is the Kulcha and
this is the paneer.
Hang on, let me just take the camera
around.
It's some sort of gravy.
Oh it smells very strong and
that looks like some sort of yoghurt-y kinda thing
but I'll give it a try.
I've only been given a spoon to eat this.
I guess I'm supposed to eat with my hands
but I'll give it a wee taste just now.
Right, the most important thing,
let's see what this gravy's like?
Oh, wow.
Oh wow, that's very strong.
There's like some ginger in there,
I can taste that straight away.
That's got a good kick to it.
Yeah, it's not spicy in a chili kind of way.
It's more like
strong in the gingery kind of way
but I think that's called a Chole.
I think that's like a traditional Punjabi
gravy.
I think that is the Chole.
I've had this before, so
I think I recognise the taste.
Yeah, I think that's Chole
and this just looks like yoghurt and
onions, oh in fact yoghurt and vegetables,
there's like carrots and stuff through there.
Aye, so that kinda will balance out that.
And I think the lot of it goes on there.
And you, like.
As normal, you're scooping it up with the bready type of thing.
In this case, a Kulcha.
Oh, it's hot.
Everything cooked fresh.
I have waited like, I think it was 23 minutes, so
at least you know everything's fresh when you do that.
I've come just before
lunchtime. I guess that's when they just opened.
I guess the mall opens at 10
and then they start opening the restaurants and stuff about 11,
11:30 kinda thing.
Right, let's give this a go.
The Paneer
and the Chole
and a wee bit of the
yoghurty, oniony goodness on top to balance it out.
Oh, and that Kulcha full of something.
I dunno what.
I'll have a wee taste. Full of egg maybe?
Yeah.
That's an egg Kulcha so that's
a wee bit of protein at last.
I've been eating mostly vegetables
since I got to India.
So a wee bit of protein from the eggs is very welcome.
Mmm.
Oh, that is very strong.
It could do with a wee bit more
of the yoghurt but it's delicious.
I could do with a wee bit more yoghurt
just to balance out the strong Chole taste.
But, eh,
oh that's fantastic.
I'm gonna smash this.
I'm gonna absolutely smash it.
A wee dip in the yoghurt for that.
Mmm.
Lovely jubbly.
Fantastic.
Well, it's really nice being able to enjoy this kinda
street food,
in an air conditioned mall.
I mean, you are paying the price for it.
You're paying a bit more but
I mean it's still relatively cheap, isn't it? Come on.
Another wee dip in the yoghurt,
balance out this strong Chole taste.
It's a wee bit too strong for me. A wee bit.
Mmm.
In fact
give this Mango Lassi a go as well.
Haven't even touched it yet.
Oh wow, that's nice as well.
Never have a bad lassi in India.
Never ever.
Right,
gonna finish this off guys
and
I'll see you on the way out the mall I guess.
Cheers!
Well, absolutely smashed it
but I should just mention that
the straw is paper,
actually the plate and this thing is also paper
and the
spoon is wooden, so no plastic being used.
So, more western food.
Taco Bell, Pizza Hut, KFC.
I guess when Indians come to a Western style mall
they're probably not looking to eat Indian food.
They're probably looking to eat Western food
so that's it.
What's going on over here?
Oh, video game arcade.
Ha ha.
Right, well this will probably give you and idea of how big this mall is.
It goes all the way to over there,
this is the main section here,
and it goes to all the way over there,
so you've got 4 floors
and you guy's are probably wondering
why there's a big massive Christmas tree right there, well
I guess you're probably watching this,
I guess it'll be like April or something by the time I catch up with the videos.
So aye, it's like two days before Christmas 2019 yer mans' filming this.
So Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas guys.
I dunno, this red
velvety cushioned elevator.
I feel like I'm in an Amsterdam ...... or something.
I dunno, I've never been in an Amsterdam ........,
honest guys, but
this is what I imagine the elevator would be like in one
and this is what I imagine the carpet and everything would be like
once you got out the elevator and this is what I imagine
the corridor would look like.
Eh, what is my room number?
506.
Now, what ended up happening was
they didn't have the king sized bedroom available.
I had to wait another 40 minutes if I wanted that, so
I've just accepted one with two twin beds.
Hopefully they're queen sized and not
actual single beds.
Let's have a look. Ho ho ho.
This is a decent size, isn't it?
How much am I paying for this again?
Let me think. In fact,
I can't remember but I'll put it down
on the screen.
Well they're just kinda single beds, aren't they?
Huh.
I dunno.
Should I have waited 40 minutes and got the bigger bed?
You tell me guys. Or should I have
just accepted this
and saved myself 40 minutes to go extra exploring in Madras?
Let's have a look out the window.
Well, that is an ugly view, isn't it?
Look at that rusty old roof.
Yeah, well that is the mall,
right ahead of me, where I've just been.
I would have been on the top floor. I probably would have been right there.
I could have just walked along the roof, innit?
That would have been a nice wee shortcut.
What have we got?
Huh.
I guess it's just a nice clean empty room.
Somewhere to set up my laptop up, right there,
and
aye,
the all important shower.
Oh, in fact that's the bog.
There you go.
Nice shower
and, oh right
there's a wee shortcut.
That's decent, innit?
And a wee painting on the wall
but other than that it's just a fairly standard hotel room
so yer man's gonna admire the artwork,
have a wee shower,
relax for 20 minutes or so
and then go explore
Chennai, well this is Chennai,
and over the big new modern buildings to Madras,
which is somewhere.
Hah, well look at this.
There's a door straight into the mall.
I didn't have to go the long way around
outside after all. I could have just walked through the mall.
But you live and learn, don't you?
Anyway, had my shower,
feeling fresh.
I do realise I'm wearing the same bloody clothes.
That's because I'm running low
on clean clothes and
just to launder one t-shirt there it's
130 and
I would need express, delivery?
Express laundry service?
to get it done by the time I check out, which is double.
So that would be 260, plus tax,
which would be like 300.
So yeah, I'm not paying 300
just to get one clean t-shirt.
Probably buy a new t-shirt for that price, innit?
So anyway, look,
I'm right back in the mall.
The last time I literally walked
the long way, all the way around.
Twice I've done that actually.
Anyway let's go and walk to the metro station.
Check out what the metro's like.
I guess that's somewhere else you can't film but
I dunno, you can't film here either but
it's not stopping me, is it? So,
let's try and find the metro
and take it to near where the old town is.
What was it, Paris Center or something the guy said?
Okay, let's do this.