- That sauce looked disgusting.
- Our secret sauce. - This sauce so secret
he told the whole internet how to make it.
(lively instrumental music)
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And now we start video.
Hello niece and nephew, it's Uncle Roger.
Hope niece and nephew had a good Lunar New Year,
Valentine Day last week also.
But Uncle Roger don't celebrate that.
Love is not real.
Go see my nephew Nigel talk about his stupid love story
in his latest podcast, link above.
Go watch it after you watch this video.
Today Uncle Roger gonna review another fried rice video.
This time it's from this cowboy guy, Kent Rollins.
Best Ever Fried Rice Recipe.
Uncle Roger didn't know cowboy people
like egg fried rice also.
Okay, let's see how he do.
- Hey, y'all see me cook some fried rice not too long ago.
Mexican-style, right?
But did you think the cowboy could be doing it Asian style?
This is the best fried rice ever with a secret sauce.
(upbeat country music)
- Okay, this intro make it look
like how to survive in wilderness.
Just cook shit in ground.
- We're gonna take a big trip today.
It's where the West is gonna meet the East
and we gonna fuse it together right here on old Bertha
so you better- (keyboard key taps)
- What he call his stove?
What he call his stove?
- Right here on old Bertha.
- Old Bertha.
White people love naming their kitchen utensil.
Hm, maybe Uncle Roger should name my stove Auntie Helen
because I want to see it on fire.
- I'm gonna shock some of you folks right now.
Guess what my favorite food is.
You there in the back, what do you say?
No, not cauliflower, no, not broccoli, it is sushi.
- His favorite food is sushi.
Uncle Roger respect this cowboy, but where he get his sushi?
Sushi don't come from ranch.
- I do be loving me some sushi.
Shannon turned me on to it a long time ago
because I'd had some but I'd had it at a truck stop and-
- Truck stop?
Haiyaa, so that where he get his sushi.
Cowboy Kent, trunk stop for petrol and prostitute only.
Not for sushi. (chuckles) (smooth instrumental music)
Sorry children.
- She said that was not the spot to get it
so she got me to like sushi. - She correct.
- And then she got me to try some of this rice
that goes with it.
Whew, folks, I can flounder up in there
like a dead carp laying in the sunshine for a week.
I mean, it was hurtin'.
- Uncle Roger didn't understand what he just said.
- I can flounder up in there like a dead carp
laying in the sunshine for a week.
- Is English your second language also, Cowboy Kent?
Haiyaa.
If people understand Uncle Roger English
better than they understand your English, you fucked up.
- So we're gonna sorta put it together here at the wagon.
Sure, it's not traditional.
So the first thing we're gonna do is put this sauce together
and let me tell you, folks, there is so many ingredients
in here that it's got its own ZIP Code so let me-
- For egg fried rice the only sauce you need is soy sauce.
I don't know why this cowboy guy
is so focused on this sauce.
What is most important in fried rice
is the wok hei, is the ingredient.
No need fancy sauce.
But okay, Uncle Roger give this a chance
because he say this is not traditional recipe.
- You'd be taking this out and just reading it to you.
Now we recommend Kikkoman.
Is that how you say it, Shannon?
- [Shannon] Kikkoman, yeah.
- Who, Kikkoman. - Oh my God.
How he pronounce the soy sauce?
- Kikkoman, is that how you say it, Shannon?
- [Shannon] Kikkoman.
- Kikkoman, Kikkoman, so cute.
He make our soy sauce sound like superhero.
Oh no, the food too bland, who should we call?
Kikkoman. ("Batman Theme")
Uncle Roger have brother living in Japan.
I checked with him, it's pronounced Kikkoman.
- We're gonna start off
with 1/4 of a cup of Kikkoman soy sauce
and then 1/2 a cup Kikkoman teriyaki sauce, half-
- So cute, he pronounced teriyaki sauce.
- That way it's easier for it to get in there.
1/2 a teaspoon of sesame seed oil.
- Oh, that is good, sesame oil, Asian sesame oil, correct.
- [Kent] Put a tablespoon of sugar in there.
- Sugar.
- Spoon of the chicken bouillon in there.
- Okay, okay, teriyaki sauce already so sweet.
Don't put sugar, haiyaa.
But I like that he's using chicken bouillon.
Many Western country scare MSG.
They think it's poison, haiyaa.
So weak, why so weak?
But guess what?
Sometimes chicken bouillon or chicken stock cube,
they all have MSG in there, so sneaky.
So if you can't use MSG,
chicken bouillon is okay replacement.
Not as good as the king of flavor,
but at least you can taste something.
- [Kent] Then we're gonna use some celery which is 1/2 cup-
- Celery, is that gonna be part of sauce?
- Back over to the food processor.
Scoop it out of there, put it in there.
- No, no, Haiyaa.
Who makes sauce with celery?
Niece and nephew, when have you ever had celery sauce?
- Blend it, now it's really hard to blend here
at the wagon but we can get it done.
So as you're blending this stuff
and you think you're through with it and you look at it...
(keyboard key taps)
- That sauce looks disgusting, ugh.
I don't know what more disgusting, the sauce
or the state of his fingernail, haiyaa.
- [Kent] Okay, that's-
- Oh my God, it's chunky and oh my...
- [Kent] The way we want it 'cause we want-
- Who want to eat this sauce?
- This stuff to have a little chunk to it
here, there, and yonder.
Well, we have got our sauce, our secret sauce.
- This sauce so secret
he told the whole internet how to make it.
Okay, so far Uncle Roger has mixed feeling.
That sauce don't look good.
Uncle Roger think this is very weird way
to make egg fried rice.
But let's see how he do the remaining step
and then we judge.
- Get this old big 20 up here on Old Bertha
getting good and hot because the secret to this, too
is a good, hot skillet. - Correct.
If your skillet hot, it help the rice not clump together.
Also, Uncle Roger like that he using cast iron skillet.
Cast iron skillet is the White people version of wok.
They both can be seasoned, passed down to your children,
and heavy enough to kill people with it.
If you smack your kid, don't smack them
with cast iron skillet unless they really fucked up.
I can forgive Cowboy Kent for not using wok
because he living in middle of nowhere.
Where he gonna find Chinese shop to buy a wok from?
If you can even find one Asian guy on this ranch,
that guy is lost.
- Because that's gonna help toast that rice
to make this stuff, whew, some of that good.
We got our skillet hot.
We're gonna add us some butter in here and I'm gonna-
- Haiyaa, butter for egg fried rice.
I thought you said you wanted to do East-West fusion.
Nobody in the East uses butter.
I know you live on ranch.
You can get butter from your favorite cow,
but don't waste your favorite cow butter like this.
Get some vegetable oil, Cowboy Kent.
- And while it's doing that I'm gonna go ahead
and dump in these mushrooms that we have chopped.
- Ooh, mushroom, mushroom, good, good umami flavor.
So much natural MSG in there.
- And then we're gonna add our cooked rice
which has been chilled for a while
because that chilling helps it not clump up so bad.
So make sure you- - Correct, correct.
- In the ice box. - Chilled rice, okay.
Cowboy Kent know what he talking about.
Hm, that is one bad part about cooking
with cast iron skillet, you can't do the wok toss.
So not satisfying.
Look at this, so boring.
He just poking the rice, but it okay.
I don't know where he gonna get wok anyway.
- Because you need to toast it all the way around.
(relaxing country music)
- I thought this is cooking video.
Why suddenly this National Geography bullshit?
(relaxing country music)
This look it about to turn
into music video for country song.
Is Cowboy Kent gonna start singing soon?
(tent flapping in wind)
Some stuff just left camp here.
It's what you call, welcome to cooking
in Mother Nature's kitchen.
- His sauce so disgusting even Mother Nature
trying to stop him. (relaxing country music)
What he doing to that baby cow?
Why you torturing him? (relaxing country music)
Don't do, haiyaa.
Don't torture animal
while putting relaxing country music as your soundtrack.
So sad, this cow.
(relaxing country music) Fuiyoh, this looks so nice.
Is this what they call White privilege?
- [Kent] Depending on the heat you gotta-
- Finally back to cooking, haiyaa.
- Making the heat, then it's time
to add some of the secret sauce.
So I'm just gonna pour it across here.
- Okay, not as disgusting as I thought.
- Go ahead and get that egg chopped up
and get it mixed into that rice, folks.
I like to finish it with me some chopped green onion.
- Oh, green onion, okay, okay.
Uncle Roger approve, this is correct ingredient.
Good garnish.
- Now, this is what you call fine dining.
- No, no, no, this is not fine dining.
Cowboy Kent, usually at fine dining places
the wind don't blow the furniture away.
I don't know what kind of fine dining restaurant
this Cowboy Kent go to.
- Now, we're gonna let that cool just a minute
while I go down there and find me a spoon to eat it with.
- He can build whole kitchen in field,
but he can't bring one spoon, haiyaa.
- (sniffs) Mm, a lot of flavor going on there,
but the best part of this deal too also is you got you some-
- No, no, no, not more sauce, no!
Oh my God, haiyaa, that...
- [Kent] As much or as little as you want.
- That sauce make it look disgusting again, haiyaa.
Why you like eating ugly thing?
This is weird way to eat egg fried rice.
Usually when the fried rice done,
you don't put any other thing on it, haiyaa.
- You can even mix it all together,
whatever you're gonna do,
but you know what the next thing you do, don't you?
- No, don't push, oh my God.
- [Kent] Thing you do, don't you?
Thing you do, don't you?
- Don't push the rice with your dirty fingernail.
So not hygienic.
You just went and got spoon.
Don't need to use finger to push rice.
That's what spoon is for.
- Mm.
- Whoa. - Whew.
- This is cute.
- That make me do the around the world dance.
- His reaction, still more genuine than Jamie Oliver.
Yay! - Whew, yeah!
- This is only pole dancing Uncle Roger want to see.
- You get that sort of buttery taste
that them mushrooms bring out, mm, mm, mm.
Five star Michelin dining and we didn't-
- No, no, no, only five star Michelin Uncle Roger know
is Felix from Stray Kid.
♪ I'm a five star Michelin ♪
- But folks, the sauce, mm.
You're gonna try to sell that secret sauce,
but we got it patented, we'll know you did.
Washington D.C. is watching you.
- Cowboy Kent, I hate to tell you this, but this is 2021.
Washington D.C. have bigger thing to worry about.
They don't care if somebody steal your special sauce recipe.
Hm, this fried rice, pretty unusual.
The sauce part is the weirdest part
I see anyone do fried rice, but all the other part okay.
He used Kikkoman and he used sesame oil, not bad.
Cowboy Kent, one thing
to make this fried rice better, add some garlic.
Many people say garlic give you bad breath,
but Uncle Roger say, bad breath means you live good life.
This Cowboy Kent guy, he cook outside, look at bit homeless,
but the fried rice still better
than Jamie Oliver fried rice.
Niece and Nephew, go check out Nephew Nigel podcast.
He worked really hard on it, and stick around for blooper.
Bye-bye.
Maybe I should name my stove Auntie Helen
because I want to see it on fire. (chuckles)
So evil.
I haven't filmed in a while and now my legs,
my leg is getting tired from sitting like this.
My stamina's gone. (sighs)
- Whew, I do be loving me some sushi.
You ever tried to say sushi
and Shannon in the same sentence?
It's hard. - Many White Southern people
can't pronounce certain word correctly like Shannon sushi
or sizzling sausages or Black Lives Matter. (chuckles)
This should go in the bloopers.
It's a good joke, though, it's a good joke.
It's a good joke.
- No, not cauliflower, no, not broccoli, it is sushi.
- I like how these are three item he pick.
Broccoli, cauliflower, and sushi.
Haiyaa, don't compare sushi to cauliflower.
One is beautiful Asian food.
The other tastes like shit.
(relaxing country music)
- (sighs) I've been watching this.
This music video has been going on
for like five minutes now.
Let's skip ahead. (laughs)
Someone's trying to maximize their YouTube ad revenue.
I see what you're doing, Cowboy Kent.
(relaxing country music)
Haiyaa, Cowboy Kent, I know you just bought a drone
and you're super excited,
but don't need to use drone shot in cooking video.
If you smack your kid,
don't smack them with cast iron skillet
unless they really fuck up. (laughs)
Oh.