Tricky year so far, huh? This has been a year full of reflections. I feel like I say that a lot.
Maybe I do a lot of reflecting, I don't know.
I've been thinking a lot about the world and also about my personal life as I navigate change if you will.
Specifically about relationships, my relationships, the people in my life.
How I want to interact with people and who I want to interact with.
I think a lot of us really like the idea of being independent, right? And not relying on other people
but that's just not the world that we live in I think we're all actually quite
dependent on our networks, on our connections, on the people that we know and none of us are truly self-made.
There's an expression in Argentina that goes:
Hold on, I'm not even going to be able to say this correctly
Which translates to tell me who you spend time with and I'll tell you who you are.
Which is a little bit black and white,
I'm not sure it's that black and white.
But there is a level of truth in that, I think.
So with that being said, here are three simple ideas that are changing my life, specifically on the topic of relationships.
Why not? Considering the fact that i'm going through life and
learning as I go, might as well share it with the world right and maybe I'll save
some people some time in reaching these conclusions,
I don't know. This is the kind of thing that I don't feel like is taught in school, which
isn't right, in my opinion. I mean, we learn how to do math, right? And I'm not trying to knock math specifically here
but we don't learn how to
listen to ourselves and- or to develop the tools to better understand ourselves. And I think that's just fundamental to be able to lead
a healthy productive life, right? So
some aspect of it feels a little bit backwards. Now, first, before diving into those
three things that I wanted to talk about, I thought I would share a funny little awkward
relationship-related anecdote,
I don't know. I don't do that enough and...
Why not?
I realized recently I've gotten very philosophical and
detached from reality with recent videos of mine. So I'm trying to lighten things up again,
come back to earth
So let me know if you like this change of pace.
All right, on to the anecdote - which, by the way, I shouldn't be hyping this up. It's a terrible story.
It's like you're gonna see it's pretty disappointing. Basically, I went on a date with a girl a couple of years ago
and... we went bowling and all was going swell.
We finished bowling and we were gathering our things and I think I got distracted by something on my phone or something because
I remember looking up and seeing that the girl was already at the counter
about to pay and had a kind of,
not freak-out moment, but I was like, "oh, no, I don't want to let her pay," and sort of
overreacted in that moment,
I don't know. I really wanted to pay, because I invited her on the date. Like, I felt like it was my responsibility.
So I grab my shit and I start running towards the counter.
Oh my god. I shouldn't have done that, certainly not in the rented bowling shoes that I was wearing because I- I
totally ran into
like, a table and an assortment of chairs and made an enormous
racket. It honestly sounded like, I don't even know what, it- just this enormous crashing of metal and plastic and
I remember the girl and the person at the counter turned around like, "what the hell is going on?" Yeah.
I think the worst part is that she,
I think, maybe knew what I was trying to do.
Oh god
That should be proof enough that I- I'm also figuring out how to navigate relationships and whatnot and
can look like a real dummy sometimes. Okay. Anyway, why don't we move on with this video?
People will remember how you made them feel.
This is actually much more eloquently put by
a- an incredible poet
Whose quote I will actually read to you right now because it's just more eloquently put than I could ever put it myself.
'People will forget what you said,
People will forget what you did,
but people will never forget how you made them feel.'
Which are words from Maya Angelou.
Let me first say that I find this idea really beautiful and I think at some level it's actually pretty intuitive.
I think it just makes sense, but it's one thing to know that and another to kind of go through life
acting on that, being just really aware of that. It's a reminder to not get completely lost in the details and between
content and intent which are both very important,
intent is the more important of the two. Without the intent, the content is empty and that has helped me realize
that I have had relationships in my life where all the right things are being said all the right things are being done
but I never felt heard
And I- I never felt good. People need to feel hurt.
They need to feel understood. I find this to be an idea that makes me feel more connected to other people.
In many ways, like reincarnation. Allow me to explain. I think reincarnation is a really beautiful idea
and
even if you don't believe it, even if it's not the case, right, let's just pretend for a second we don't reincarnate
the idea the concept of
coming back to earth
in different bodies, in different times throughout history as different human beings. It makes me feel connected to
other human beings in life and that this is not just about me. And so, coming back to the original idea here,
just keeping in mind that people will remember how you made them feel
shifts, I feel like, my energy and how the effort that I make in how I interact with people.
It's also the single best argument I could give for why it's not worth it to be an asshole.
Stay in your lane
I find I am learning
over and over again that it is a massive waste of time and energy to try and change other people.
For starters, if somebody doesn't want to change or isn't ready to change, there's just no way to make that change happen.
It's just not- it's a waste of time. It's not possible, and more fundamentally
it's not your job. I feel like that is not the reason why I'm here on this earth.
Like I said, I'm speaking about all this in the present tense because this is not a lesson that I feel like I have
fully learned. I've realized that this is the source of so many of my
own problems, really, my inability to just stick to my own shit, to stay in my own lane.
In fact, I actually associate a feeling of relief to that moment where I remember
"Oh, yeah, unless somebody's asking for it, my time and energy is best used, best invested in focusing on myself."
The people that I think have had the biggest impact on me are not people that are concerned with changing my opinions
or changing who I am, but rather focus entirely on
putting out an amazing example. I was reluctant in many ways to try a plant-based diet
last year, even just for 30 days. And this was, I think, because of a fear of judgment
and
just a general lack of understanding and it wasn't the most militant vegans out there that convinced me or changed my mind. Really,
it was the most
calm,
kind-hearted vegans that were putting out a lot of information and willing to answer my questions without judgment that
opened the door for me to testing it out. Now, for those of you curious, and this is not fully related to this video
but I'll just address it really quickly, I'm not plant-based anymore, but
it did have a lasting impact in that I consume a lot less
animal-based products than I used to. A lot of people keep using words to describe me that I don't like very much, like influencer.
But if I am an influencer now, take it from an influencer that trying to change or save people
is- is a waste of time in my opinion. I think it's much- a much better use of your time to focus on yourself.
There's a lot less tension in my life,
really, and in my relationships when I don't tell people what to believe, how to eat, how to live their lives.
I suspect I will spend my entire life
learning and relearning this lesson. Relationships always have
giving and taking, right? But there's different kinds of giving and taking.
The most important relationship that you have in life is with yourself.
This, I find, is a really difficult one.
What I've learned so far is that you'll have an awfully hard time finding people that will value you as a person,
the way you should be valued, if you do not value yourself.
I've spoken a little bit about it before but I haven't always been the most open to relationships in my life.
And looking back, I can say that this has come from not always having the best relationship with myself.
I can only be open to other people to the extent to which I'm open to myself.
Understanding this has radically changed my views about myself as I realized that I am less destructive and
capable of greater generosity when I feel solid, when I take care of myself.
I recognize that I say these kinds of things a lot, you know, uh,
relating to feelings and internal exploration and whatnot,
but I say it- I talk about these things so often because I feel like when you go out into the world
these are things that are so rarely explicitly spoken about.
And instead- Oh god, it's just so confusing going out into the world without that sort of, like, internal basis of understanding.
Those are some of my thoughts on
relationships, inspired by this year and where I'm at in life right now. Relationships are tricky. They're messy and I
fully expect to be
returning to these lessons over and over again,
well into the future. I'd love to hear what you think on this subject.
A lot of you have left very insightful, very interesting comments on previous videos of mine, uh, for which I am very grateful,
so thank you very much. It does help with the algorithms, full transparency. So think about that, too.
If you have nothing profound to say, I would love to see funny anecdotes from dates gone wrong, if you're willing to share.
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