- Hey everyone, I'm Billy, and I have been
a professional clown for the last 10 years.
But back here behind me,
I've got a couple of impostors.
So, I'm gonna be drillin' them,
figurin' out who's the real deal
and who's just yankin' my rubber chicken.
(suspenseful music)
All right, let's get started, shall we?
All right, if you wouldn't mind, everybody,
please raise your left foot.
You, right over here.
Why don't you come on over here
and have a seat with me please?
You're lookin' far too pretty to be a clown, just sayin'.
(laughs)
What is your name?
- My name's Alyssa.
- Hmm, that's not very funny.
What is your clown name?
- My clown name is actually Alyssa too.
- Oh, okay.
And how long have you been a clown?
- I've been clowning for about six years.
- About six years, huh?
You kind of seem unsure.
- Well, you know, who really knows when they begin clowning?
Because at the end of the day,
I've been doing this since I was born,
you know what I'm talking about?
It's in my blood. (laughing)
- Okay, and what are your specialty skills?
- My specialty skills are face painting.
- Ooh, okay, I haven't heard that before.
You must be legit.
So, what type of clown are you?
- I'm definitely like a goofy clown.
I'm definitely like, so I talk in a southern accent
when I clown.
Are you writing anything down? (laughing)
- I'm just listening.
- Yeah, so, I like, what do you, like, I don't, like,
to be honest, I think that's kind of a weird question.
What kind of clown are you?
What are you, Elvis? (laughs)
- Okay, I'm doing the questioning around here.
You can get back over here in the lineup.
- Okay, fine.
- Number two, come on over here please.
Have a seat, I'll be getting back to you later on.
I'm not really buyin' what you're sellin'.
- Wow.
- Hello sir! - Hi.
- [Billy] Who are you?
- My name is Stanley.
- [Billy] Hi Stanley, is that your clown name
or is that your given name?
- It is my given name.
- And what is your clown name?
- Ah, my clown name is Zig.
- Are you making that up right now?
- Maybe.
- And how long have you been clowning?
- I'm actually fairly new at it,
so I would say maybe just one or two years.
- And what is your favorite type of clown food?
- Favorite type of clown food?
Wow, never been asked that before.
I would say just--
- I'm not going good, not going good.
- Cake?
- Cake, okay.
Sounds like you just decided that just a second ago.
And what color hair do you have?
- I try to keep it just with like a red wig of sorts.
- Mm, okay, and what color is your lip?
- My lips?
I keep it the same, actually.
- Okay, do you actually wear clown makeup at all?
- I keep it fairly minimal.
I don't try to go too extreme with it.
- And what are your specialty skills?
- I stick with balloons, yeah.
- You stick with balloons?
Okay, and what do you like to do with pies?
- Pies?
I like eating them on occasion.
- Okay, that'll be enough.
You can hop back over here in the line, please.
Thank you very much!
I'm gonna be marking that down 'cause he likes to eat 'em.
Okay.
Let's switch it up a bit.
You sir, right over here,
come on over here and sit down.
(fingers drumming)
Who are you?
- My given name is David.
- I didn't ask your given name.
- It's what you wanted, though.
- Okay, trying to read my mind, I see.
What is your full-time job?
- Professional clown.
- What is your part-time job?
- Part-time clown.
- What is your hobby?
- Deciding better ways to clown.
- Hmm, what type of clown are you?
- I consider myself an entertaining clown.
The type that likes to sometimes break out into song, dance.
I might spray you with water if you don't laugh at my dance.
It just kinda depends on the day.
- What is your style of makeup?
- My style is traditional with a bit of flair.
If I'm dealing with kids that
are a little bit more futuristic,
I'll go classic, red nose, white outline around the lip,
you know.
- Okay, I think that's gonna wrap up the questioning
for here that I've got for you right now, sir.
You can return back over to the lineup, please.
You, miss, come on over here and sit down, please.
Who are you?
- Daniella is my birth name.
- And what is your clown name?
- Booboo.
- And why are you shaking?
- Just a little shaky, I don't know.
- Why are you wearing so many polka-dots?
- 'Cause, you know, it's my day off the job.
Obviously, when I'm on the job, I swear stripes,
never polka-dots, but off the job, polka-dots.
- M'kay.
And what is your favorite circus snack?
- Circus snack?
Definitely jellybeans.
- M'kay, next,
come on over here and join me, please.
- Hello. - Hello, love the bike shorts,
did you bike here?
- Thank you, I could have, I could've tried to unicycle,
but I fell right off.
- And what about minibikes?
- No, no bikes for me.
No bikes, only trikes, that's how I roll.
I think it's funny and I think the kids like it
when they see that you can't adult like an adult.
- You're right, they do like that.
M'kay, good start so far.
What is your clown name?
- My clown name is Bing Bong
after Bing Bong in Inside Out
because I love that movie and I loved Bing Bong.
- Let me notate original name.
M'kay, how long have you been a clown?
- One year, I'm really new.
- And is that why you haven't figured out
that these little nails are terrifying yet?
- These are fun to me
because I kind of like scaring some kids sometimes,
but these are actually for a trip to Florida.
So I will be returning to my smaller oval shape
where I can touch things and not scare so many children.
- How do you do your makeup with those banana nails?
- Listen, listen.
You adapt, you use the pads of your fingers,
I can wipe my own after going to the bathroom
without scratching anything.
You learn how to adapt,
I could text, I could type,
anything you can do, I could do better.
- T, M, I.
(laughing)
What color is your clown car?
- Black.
It's my color.
- And what color polka-dots are on your black car?
- I do not have polka-dots on my car
'cause I'm not a grocery store.
That's grocery store color.
What's that grocery store?
- Trader No's?
- No, it's like, never mind.
- When you have your clown makeup on,
do you have this beard or are you clean shaven?
- I actually like to go a little bit more method,
so I'll definitely be shaven,
have my entire face painted,
and you know, this is just for my off-season right now.
I'm kinda, you know, deciding where the next journey
of my clown life's gonna go.
- And do you grow out your hair for your clown look
or do you wear a wig?
- Of course not, I have to keep it this low
so I can wear multiple wigs.
I mean, the color, the variation, the style.
I would like to know where you got this one from.
- I won't tell.
- Well, that's just rude.
- Mm, curly hair or straight hair?
- Curly.
Crimped, actually.
- Crimped.
Talk about dated.
And what has been your most significant experience
of being a clown?
- Juggling cats while standing on top of an elephant.
Definitely a highlight.
(scoffs)
- Wow!
I might just have to see that!
- [Daniella] It's on YouTube.
- And what do you do when kids are scared of you?
- Sometimes I'll go a little out of character,
just for a second, to, you know, remind them that--
Never mind, here, new answer.
(laughing)
What do I do?
Next question please. (laughs)
- 'Kay, let me just note that you were unable
to answer that question.
And what is your biggest gig as a clown?
- Madison Square Garden.
- Did we work together?
- All right, so, for my next question,
what is the url to your personal clown website?
- It is--
- So, U, M--
- Hmm?
- Mm?
So, U, M, H, M, M, like?
Are you Ummhmm?
- It is www.zigclown.fun.
- Ooh, dot fun, very Millennial.
- They're available!
- I know, and like, $1.99 to get it for the first year,
but then usually like $70 to review it the second year.
Just sayin'.
What is your signature special talent?
Is it staring?
- No.
- Is it silence?
- Different types of balloon animals.
- Ohh.
What is your most sophisticated balloon animal?
- I would say I stick to dogs,
but different types of dogs.
So I can do a poodle,
I can try to do like a weenie dog, elongated.
- Very good, and poodles and elongated weenies
are the only thing you can make with balloon animals?
- I can do larger dogs.
- Oh, like a German shepherd?
Great dane?
How big we talkin'?
- I guess it'd be harder to do something life-size,
but I would say, about this, you know?
What, should I do it with my hands, or, you know?
No, no.
- What is the secret ingredient in a pie?
- Whipped cream.
Keep it light, it's just whipped cream,
so you don't have any, like,
raw eggs or milk or anything.
- M'kay, if you had to guess something else,
what would you guess?
- What do you mean, guess?
I know.
- You're wrong!
- You're not the clown professor.
There are other ingredients. (laughing)
Okay, cool, you wrote professor.
- Great, I'm officially the clown professor,
so I'll be doing the rest of the questioning around here.
- All right.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- Where did you receive your forma clowning education?
- A woman taught me how to be a clown
in her trailer in Burbank, California.
- What kind of things can you balance?
- My responsibilities.
- Get back over there. (laughs)
- Hot dogs or cream pies?
- Cream pies, in my own face.
- That's what she said.
(snorts)
Have you ever been fired out of a cannon?
- No.
- Have you ridden a small pony?
- No.
- Have you ever been picked up by a elephant's trunk?
- Oh, I wish!
- Have you ever stepped in elephant (bleep)?
- No.
- M'kay, definitely not a clown.
- [Swasti] Oh.
- Can you juggle?
- I can juggle, but it's not my favorite thing to do.
- Though you can juggle butts.
- Juggle butts?
- You said it, not me.
- What is your entrance song?
- What kind of question is that?
I can't go with the same one.
If I'm gonna do a party with adolescents,
I'll try to go "Baby Shark," you know,
get 'em on my side early.
Oh, they're a little bit older,
then I'll just go for whatever might be top 40.
- What color is your clown costume?
- It is rainbow.
- Of course.
And what color is your wig?
- Also rainbow.
- What color is your retainer?
- I don't have a retainer.
- Mm, almost got you.
(dramatic orchestral music)
Well, I am all done diggin' to the bottom
of my bucket of popcorn, drillin' these fools.
I think the real clown is
is number five!
(sad trombone)
Crap.
Okay, since it's not number five,
it must be number two!
- Is it?
No, definitely.
- Ehh.
Well, if it's not five and it's not two,
it must be number one!
- Yeah!
- Oh!
Wow!
The least believable.
- What?!
- I do feel good about being able to confuse him enough.
So much so that he ended up choosin' me in the end
because I mean, you know, you fooled the pro.
- I mean, I'm surprised I confused him.
I guess he was mostly confused by how unconvincing I was,
that he felt like I was tryin' to hide something.
So, I mean, I guess I did a good job. (laughs0
- So, being the official clown
and not being chosen first was kind of hurtful.
I thought, like, us clowns could just smell one another.
And, you know, I felt like he was just, like,
he was like judging my moves,
and then I started to feel like, am I even a clown?
Like, 'cause I don't have a clown car,
and like, I don't know if I'm like at his level,
so I started to really judge myself.
(triumphant music)