One of our viewers recently asked "Dr. Paul, how do I stop comparing my life to
others?" I don't know if you can. But I've got some powerful ideas. Hey, before I
jump into this, hang on to the end of the video because I got an offer for a free
book for you that I'll tell you about at the end of the video. How do we stop
comparing ourselves in our own lives to others?
I started with a disclaimer that I'm not sure we even can. And that's because we
are constantly judging. Have you noticed that? Have you notice that you're constantly
judging yourself? Your life, your accomplishments, your spouse, your
community, your co-workers. You're judging your community, you're judging your kids,
you're judging me. It's cool. I'm judging you, too. We can't stop. We're constantly
judging and comparing ourselves. So, that's why I said I'm not sure we can.
But notice that you're doing it, okay? Because this will give us some power. As
you notice that you're constantly judging, notice also that you're judging
in a particular way. Your comparisons are placing you either in front of or behind
someone else, right? Are you a good runner, for example? Well,
here's what I already know about you as a runner and I don't even know you.
You're better than some and worse than others. Right? "But Dr. Paul, aren't there
some extremes? Aren't there some people who just really aren't good at running?" I
know a guy. Gabe Adams is his name. He did an
interview with me on his podcast. Gabe has no arms and no legs.
What kind of runner is he? Well, I've seen him run. He's better than some and worse
than others. My good friend Jenny Roper. She wrote a book called Wiggle Room.
She's also been on my podcast. She has a condition called cerebral palsy. She ran
a 5k. Jenny would correct me and say, "Actually, Dr. Paul I wiggled that 5k."
She's better than some and worse than others. She came in dead last in that 5k.
But she beat everyone who did not run at all. The people who stayed home on their
couch, she ran it better than they did. So, you're always ahead of some of behind
others. I had a experience recently where I was in a room where there were 2
large mirrors on opposite sides of the room. Now, picture yourself walking
between those mirrors and if you look either way, what do you see? This mirror
reflects that one which is reflecting that one and so on and so on and so on.
It's clear out to infinity. And as I have that experience, I thought, "Wow, look
at all those people on that side of me. And look at all those people on that
side of me." And it's infinite on both sides when you have 2 mirrors
reflecting each other. This is what I'm talking about.
However you're judging yourself, here you are. And there's always, always, always,
always people ahead of you. And there's always, always, always people behind you
in whatever thing it is that you're measuring. So, just notice that. And I'm
not here to tell you how to think. I don't have that kind of authority. I just
want you to see that you're doing it and which direction you're looking to
compare yourself in your life to others. What if it's your fitness, same thing.
Money, relationships. Whatever it is, just notice that. You got it? So, here's a
strategy that I have shared with many of my clients over the years. Usually, when
we're feeling badly about how we're comparing ourselves to others, it's
because we see ourselves as being worse than them, right? Worse than or better
than. In fact, you can't judge yourself to be worse than unless you're judging
yourself also to be better than all those other people that you're ahead-up.
But we don't think about that. We just think about how, "Oh, I'm not as good as
that person. I am worse than." Here's something that's going
to change the game. Instead of worse than or better than, what if we change that
word to be "worse off or better off" for some particular purpose? Let me give you
an example. I don't smoke. What if somebody does smoke. Am I better
than that person? See, that's kind of a self righteous I'm-better-than-you
because I don't smoke and you do. What if I simply change that to "better off"? Would
you agree that I would be better off from a health standpoint than someone
who does smoke? And they're not worse than me. They're worse off than I am from
a health standpoint. Do you see how we've qualified that? That can change the game.
You're not better than anybody. You might be better off and you're not worse than
anybody. You might be worse off. Words matter and maybe that one will help. And
now, a final thought. And then I'll get to that offer that I promised you. Honor the
journey -your own journey and the journey of others. My journey is not the same as
yours. And you know, usually when we compare ourselves to other people or we
compare our life to theirs, we're comparing their strengths to our
weaknesses how fair is that? That is not fair at all. They simply have a different
journey from your. So, honor the journey. You're not on the same path. But we often
get to the same places. I know I have a friend who took a journey that took him
through prison and through alcohol addiction. Now, is he worse than me? No,
is he worse off? Well, in some ways he has been. Did we come to some of the same
places through our journey? Yeah, we actually did. We were talking about that
at lunch the other day. We've come to some of the same conclusions based on
very different courses in life. Honor the journey. Honor your journey, honor the
journey of everyone else on planet because it's perfect for you.
Vicki and I did another video about "How to appreciate others talents without
comparison". You might want to watch that one next. We had some fun with that. And I
promised you an offer. I'm giving away this book to anyone who wants it. You pay
the shipping. I'll pay for the book. Does that sound like a great deal to you? I
want you to have this book, Pathological Positivity as part of your tool set. So,
go to DrPaulJenkins.com, click the big orange button you'll see it immediately. I'm
giving this free book. Pay for the shipping I'll get it right out to you.
I am honored to be on your team.