- Hey, everybody.
Today I wanna talk about maladaptive daydreaming,
what it is, what it isn't, and how we can overcome the urge
to stay in our daydreams all the time.
For years, I believed maladaptive daydreaming
to be a form of dissociation,
but it could also be added to the DSM as its own diagnosis,
since it does have its own set of unique symptoms.
Either way, at this time maladaptive daydreaming
is not listed in the DSM as a diagnosable mental illness.
The closest diagnosis would be DPDR,
or depersonalization derealization disorder.
And this is the diagnosis given to those of us
who struggle with dissociation.
And just for clarity, know that depersonalization
is when we feel out of body,
like we're watching ourselves from above or in a haze.
And derealization is when we feel
separated from our environment
and it can feel like we're in a dream
or like everything around us just isn't real.
These experiences are extremely common.
It's estimated that half of all adults
have had at least one episode of DPDR.
50% of people. That is a huge amount of people.
So know that you are not alone.
Also, it's important to mention that in 2016,
four researchers put together
the Maladaptive Daydreaming Scale, or MDS.
This is a 14-item self-reported scale,
meaning that you as the patient answers 14 questions
based on your own maladaptive daydreaming experience.
The MDS focuses on the content of our daydreams,
how intense the urge to continue daydreaming is,
and how much it impairs
our ability to function in our lives,
and the benefits and costs of our daydreaming.
I am not personally familiar with this scale,
nor have I used it in my practice,
but I've linked the research article in the description
if you wanna learn more about it.
When it comes to maladaptive daydreaming,
it isn't just feeling out of body or environment.
We can create very intense and detailed daydreams
with plots, characters,
and very lifelike issues and storylines.
Some people will get the plots for their daydreams
from their real lives,
while others can create a utopian place
unlike their current experience.
We can find ourselves staying in these daydreams
for various amounts of time.
And some of my patients have reported
staying in them for hours.
And many of you have let me know
that you struggle to get out of them at all,
spending days in this other life that we've created.
I know this may sound odd if you haven't experienced it,
like why would we allow ourselves
to stay in a daydream for so long?
Well, there are many causes for this,
and the first I wanna address is trauma triggers.
If we've experienced a trauma in our life,
things that remind us of that time or situation
can pull us into a flashback, cause us to dissociate,
or in many cases push us into our maladaptive daydreams.
When our brain and the rest of our nervous system
feels overwhelmed and unable to deal with
what's going on in the moment, it can pull us out
of our current situation through dissociation.
I always talk about that,
like our brain pulling the ripcord.
And it can also utilize maladaptive daydreaming.
It's a way to cope or get through an overwhelming situation
when we don't have other skills
to help calm our nervous system down.
So we just rely on what we know,
and that can be daydreaming or dissociating.
It's almost like this coping skill protects us
from having to feel traumatized again
and so it takes us away, you know,
drops us into a much safer and happier place.
Another cause or trigger
can be high levels of stress or anxiety.
We can slowly feel ourselves
become more and more overwhelmed
until our brain pulls us out of our reality
and into a new one, aka our maladaptive daydreams.
In short, we can want to stay in these daydreams
to feel better and safer,
but it can get in the way of us functioning in our life.
For example, I've heard from many of you
that you daydream at work
and have replied to something
happening in the daydream while in a meeting,
or made facial expressions
that don't apply to your real life, only in the dream.
And people ask you, "What's going on?
What are you doing?"
It's kind of embarrassing sometimes.
It can also make driving or even walking dangerous
because we aren't fully present,
able to focus or really even know
what's happening in our real life.
Which is why even the term maladaptive daydreaming is used.
Maladaptive means it's not providing
adequate or appropriate adjustment
to the environment or situation.
So the daydreaming is only holding off the bad things.
It's not actually making anything better
or helping us process any of the upset.
It's really just a temporary check-out,
which can be helpful sometimes,
but if it's happening all the time
or making it hard for us to focus
at work, school, or with our friends and family,
we should find other, better ways to cope.
Which moves us into how we can better cope
so that we don't get sucked into our daydreams
for hours, days, or even weeks.
And first up is mindfulness.
Now, I know that term is overused now and super annoying
but in order for us to know
when we even need to use other coping skills,
we have to know when the daydreaming urges are happening.
So often we aren't aware
of what we were feeling or thinking until it's too late
and we're already pulled into our daydream.
And at that point it's more difficult
or even impossible for us to pull ourselves out.
Therefore, we have to start being more aware
of what we're going through.
And one of the best ways to start this
is to use our past urges and daydreaming experiences.
So if we can think back, just for a second,
to the last time that we got pulled in,
consider what was going on in our life,
maybe what we were thinking or feeling if we even remember,
and when the urge to daydream got so strong
that we couldn't resist.
We can learn so much by just being curious
about our past experiences.
And of course, we need to be curious
without being judgmental.
There are no right and wrong answers here.
We are just gathering information.
Once we figured out a few of the patterns,
like if there are certain people
or situations that trigger us more
and what the early signs of us getting overwhelmed are,
then and only then can we do something about it.
And so next is figuring out ways to calm our system down.
This can take the form of a distraction technique
like going for a walk or organizing a part of our home,
coloring, watching a show,
playing a video game, you name it.
These calming things could also be more process-based,
things like journaling
or talking to your therapist or a friend about it,
or even using an impulse log.
And don't worry,
I'll link my favorite one in the description.
We can also do a full body shake or some light stretching
to help get that anxious energy out.
Or maybe we lay down with a weighted blanket on us.
Whatever we can do ahead of time
to help us feel calmer and better, do it.
This will help us fight back
against the urge to drop into those daydreams.
We're also going to have to find
some coping skills that we can use
when we're starting to feel overwhelmed
and wanting to go back into the daydream.
Maybe we hold an ice cube in our hands, clap our hands,
count the number of things in the room
that are blue, brown, black, et cetera.
Or maybe we go through the alphabet,
coming up with an item that starts with that letter.
You know, like A is for Apple,
B is for bear, C is for cherry.
whatever works for you, do it.
And it's okay for something not to work.
We just have to try it to know
and then move on to something else.
Once we have a few things that work,
write them down in your phone or on a post-it note
so that you can see it and be reminded when you need it.
We will also need to come up with some ways
to pull ourselves out of the daydream.
And I know this is gonna be harder
and we may even wanna call upon helpful
and supportive people in our lives to assist us.
We could because it's our daydream, right,
we could put a big door in our daydream
and we can choose to go through it and pull ourselves out,
or have people in the daydream that remind us
of our real life and tell us to go back.
Since we have created this world,
we can slowly make it change to keep us out of it.
Now, I know this is really, really hard
because in many ways we can feel like
we still need that safe haven,
which rolls into my final tip,
which is to work with a therapist to heal from the trauma
or to learn how to better cope with the anxiety
or stress we're feeling.
Working to heal or process through
the reason our maladaptive daydreaming
exists in the first place will ensure
that we don't need it anymore.
Just like many other mental health issues we can have
like self-injury or eating disorder urges,
they're just coping skills
for something else going on in our lives.
And if we heal the issue we're struggling to cope with,
the urge to use those unhelpful coping skills
will go away altogether.
I hope this video was helpful.
As always, leave any helpful tips, tools,
or anything you feel that I missed
about maladaptive daydreaming in those comments down below.
I will check those out.
Thank you so much for watching and I will see you next time.
Bye.
(chill music)