Have you ever been told that you're too direct, too demanding, or too aggressive when you're
speaking English, especially at work?
Just like kids, when we first learn a language, we focus on communicating clearly in the most
straightforward way possible.
I'm hungry.
I want some pizza.
Where is the train station?
I'm looking for the ATM.
This language is simple, precise, direct.
As your language skills continue to evolve, you're able to add more nuance and subtlety
to the way you speak.
Rather than simply stating our desires, we start thinking about how the request sounds
to other people.
Are you starving too?
I'm thinking of getting some pizza.
Would you happen to know where the train station is?
Could you tell me where the nearest ATM is?
While there are certainly situations where you need to be direct and assertive, you also
need to learn how to be more polite and tactful.
In this video, we're going to talk about three simple ways to sound more polite in American
English.
Polite speech enables you to communicate your meaning clearly while softening demands, presenting
opinions as suggestions, and inviting discussion.
As you'll learn, we often soften our language by choosing different words, shifting stress
or emphasis, and using intonation patterns that convey openness, diplomacy, and tact.
Remember, you'll have to judge for yourself whether you should soften your language or
whether it's best to be more direct.
As you continue to interact in English, pay attention to how your message is received
and any feedback you receive on your communication style.
Communication is cultural.
You may be used to sharing exactly what's on your mind, or you may feel completely uncomfortable
directly stating how you feel.
Communication in American English often falls between these two extremes.
We're going to discuss three strategies for sounding more polite that are pretty simple.
The important thing is to learn how to use these strategies so you're prepared.
You'll learn how to shift stress to another word in order to sound more tactful.
You'll also find out how subtly changing your language can preserve your meaning, while
also encouraging your listener to stay open to what you have to say.
Let's get started.
First, let's talk about sounding more polite while using modal verbs.
Modal verbs like could, would, and might add a mood or feeling to a verb, just like intonation.
When we add a modal verb to a sentence, we can turn a direct request or suggestion into
a more polite one.
This strategy works because adding a modal verb creates a little more distance from your
strong opinion so that the other person will be more receptive to what you have to say.
Let's be real: some people simply don't like being told what to do.
Even if adding a modal verb seems strange to you, native speakers understand this deeper
meaning.
To sound more polite, you're going to make the modal verb the focus word.
This means you'll stress or emphasize the modal verb more than every other word, making
it the longest, the loudest, and the highest in pitch.
When we stress one word more than the rest, it can actually change the meaning of the
sentence.
In this case, stressing the modal emphasizes the feeling of possibility.
This comes across as what matters most.
Let's practice.
First, let's look at a more direct statement.
They must practice more often.
Using the word "must" makes this sound more like a command than a suggestion.
Let's turn it into a more polite statement.
They could practice more often.
By stressing "could," it feels more like an option than a requirement.
You're offering a useful suggestion to help solve a problem.
If they want to get better, practice is a great option.
Let's try it a few times.
They could practice more often.
Here's another example.
This is more direct.
I don't agree with that.
Depending on the context, such a clearly stated opinion can feel a little harsh.
Let's make it more polite by adding a modal.
I wouldn't agree with that.
By stressing "wouldn't," which has a more conditional feeling, you suggest that there's
still room to negotiate and discuss further.
Let's try it.
I wouldn't agree with that.
Let's try another one.
Again, let's look at the more direct version.
We need more time to decide.
This simply and plainly states your desire and can sound a little abrupt.
As always, it depends on the situation and the relationship you have.
Here's the more polite version: We might need more time to decide.
Stressing might suggest that there's the opportunity to work together and decide how much time
you have to decide.
Let's try it a few more times.
We might need more time to decide.
Now let's talk about using negative contractions with positive adjectives in order to sound
more polite.
To soften critical feedback, choose a negative contraction followed by a positive adjective.
In other words, you're ending with the positive.
When you end with the negative adjective, you highlight the negative feeling.
Changing the structure keeps the meaning, but softens the impact.
By stressing the negative contraction and adding the positive adjective, you help the
listener stay open and receptive to what you have to say.
By stressing the contraction rather than the adjective, your meaning is still clear while
suggesting what's possible.
As I mentioned, you're going to make the negative contraction the focus word.
That means it will be the longest, the loudest and the highest in pitch.
Let's practice.
First, let's look at the more direct statement.
That's a horrible idea.
This strong negative adjective leaves no room for discussion.
Let's make it a more polite statement: That isn't a great idea.
Stressing isn't makes your meaning clear, but the positive possibility is what remains
in their mind.
Let's try it a few more times.
That isn't a great idea.
Let's try another one.
First, here's the more direct statement.
That looks ugly.
Such a direct, clearly stated opinion may shut down the conversation.
Let's turn it into a more polite sentence.
That doesn't look attractive.
Even though this is still a hard thing to hear, ending with the positive adjective helps
the listener stay open to how to improve.
Try it with me.
That doesn't look attractive.
Let's try one more example.
This project will be unsuccessful.
Such a direct statement sounds like a proclamation that can't be debated, so let's make it more
polite.
This project won't be successful.
Because we're stressing "won't," the listener is left thinking of other options that might
be more successful.
It simply sounds more tactful.
Let's repeat it a few more times.
This project won't be successful.
By changing your language and how you stress the sentence, you're showing that you're considering
the other person's feelings.
By slightly rephrasing the negative statements, you're able to show more kindness and patience.
Let's talk about one more strategy that can help you sound more polite.
Let's look at using qualifiers.
Qualifiers are words like "a little," "a few," and "a bit" that change a word by limiting
or enhancing it.
When you start with a qualifier, it can make the words that come next sound a little less
negative.
When you use qualifiers, the challenge or problem is still clear, but it sounds like
the situation can be fixed without extreme effort.
This helps the listener stay open and receptive to what you have to say because the problem
can be solved.
Please note, if you do have a serious problem, it's best to be honest and direct about it
rather than softening it with a qualifier.
If you minimize a problem that needs to be taken care of, other people may feel misled
or they may not take necessary action.
Once again, you're going to stress the qualifier.
The qualifier will be the focus word, and the stressed syllable will be the longest,
the loudest, and the highest in pitch.
Let's practice.
First, let's look at a more direct sentence.
That looks way too tight on you.
Even if this is how you feel, such strong feedback can be hard to hear.
Let's turn it into a more polite statement: That looks a bit too tight on you.
Stressing "bit" makes the other person feel like they can take action to find a simple
solution, such as choosing another size.
Let's try it.
That looks a bit too tight on you.
Let's try another one.
Again, let's look at the more direct statement first.
There's going to be a delay.
Even if this is a fact, most people won't react positively, so let's change it.
There's going to be a slight delay.
While it's still unfortunate news for the people who are waiting, they'll feel like
it's possible that it'll be resolved soon.
Let's try it together.
There's going to be a slight delay.
One more example.
First, the more direct statement: We have a problem.
Such a direct statement can cause the other person to worry or panic before they find
out more.
Let's try a more polite, softer version.
We have a minor problem.
Stressing the qualifier suggests that this problem can be fixed and helps the other person
stay open to hearing how.
Let's try it.
We have a minor problem.
Here are some other qualifiers that you can use with this strategy: a little, a bit, slight,
slightly, short, minor, a few, some, one or two.
As you can see, stressing the right word can help you soften your language and sound more
polite, tactful, and diplomatic.
As I mentioned, these strategies are simple, but changing your communication style takes
time and patience.
You'll need to take extra time to think about how to rephrase your opinion, feeling, or
suggestions in order to sound more tactful and diplomatic.
Remember to practice stressing a different focus word so that your meaning is clear.
This is a sample of what you'll master inside the Intonation Clinic.
The Intonation Clinic will help you learn how to express the right emotions, attitude
and meaning through your tone of voice.
Find out more about this course at intonationclinic.com or check out the link in the description.
Now it's your turn.
Leave a comment and try using one of these strategies to create a more polite statement.
I'll let you know how you did.
Once again, I'm Kim from englishwithkim.com.
I'm your guide to the essential communication skills you need to sound more natural in English.
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Have a good one.
Goodbye.