How to understand men! In this video, I'm giving you five understandings of man
that every woman needs to know. First though, a word from our sponsors.
Ad: Reading is important, but so is your hair.
Love to learn, even though there's always things to do? Free your hands for the
important things like patting the dog. Buy today and you'll make him yours.
Multitasking is hard with your hands full.
All right. So there it is. Grab a copy of my audiobook.
Hit the subscribe button with the little bell, and I'll see you right after this.
[Music playing]
Five understandings of men. In this video, I'm gonna be explaining us to you.
Why are we so confusing? Why are we so weird at times? What the hell is up with men?
What are we doing? That's what I'm gonna be sharing in this video.
So the first thing you got to understand about us as men is that we grow up in
a world where our feelings are not very important. When we're emotionally
retarded with you, that's kind of biology and it's kind of social, but it's fully that
we've been trained that way. So us men, you have to understand that we go through
our teenage years, right? And the worst thing we can do is show emotion.
Our whole world is about fitting in with the boys. Our whole world is about
being accepted. And when you're trying to win at sports, when you're
trying to be the toughest guy, the worst thing you can do is show any kind of weak
or negative emotion.
So we very much learned that we've got to hide that, and there's actually brain science.
If you want to go into brain science with this all about man, grab Louann Brizendine's
book on The Male Brain. She talks about this, but there's a region of our brains called the
temporo-parietal junction that actually stops
us being as responsive. It stops our mirror neurons,
which are the neurons where we respond to
emotions. It stops those being as responsive, right?
So we are in a world where a lot of our we've been taught to suppress feelings.
Basically, we've, we've learned from trying to fit in for years that having especially weak
emotions is not something we can show that it makes us less of a man. So when
we are, when we are frustrating you by not being able to answer questions of how we feel,
and again, this isn't to excuse men, but more to explain them, when we frustrate you by not
being able to answer these questions, we are often doing our best.
We just are not very good at it... at times. And especially if you're a really good
communicator and you know exactly what your feelings are, we get very
overwhelmed in feelings conversations. Well, how does this feel for you?
Well, what about this? It's like it's too much. I'm going to hide under a rock.
Processing feelings is something we've been taught not to do for, for most men,
at least a decade of our lives. Right? For many men it's a lot longer.
How do you feel? We don't get asked that sh*t.
Last time Matty asked me how did I feel was 2003.
I dunno, like, and he's a great friend, right? So we don't get asked that a lot.
We're not used to answering that question. It's a bit of a different language for us.
So just understand that anything relating to feelings, half the time, we don't even
know the answers, let alone communicating them with you.
Number two, we hate being wrong. Seriously. It feels very off for us to say
something to you that is wrong. And the result of this is that we want to be really
certain, right? We need to deliver certainty. We don't want to be right.
We want to be certain. So when we say something, we don't want to feel like
we're making a mistake. And this goes all the way back to primitive, man. Right?
Imagine primitive man is standing up on a hill and he's seen, he's seen a shadow on
the horizon and his tribe asked him,
"Hey, what's that shadow? Are we safe?" How do you think his tribe would respond?
If he said this, "Uh, I don't think the shadow in the distance is an advancing army?"
Right? They'd friggin abandon him.
Okay. Men need certainty. So we process our stuff within,
and this is why we think a lot.
This is why we go quiet. So one of the best things you can do is just allow a man space.
There Is a really good saying, I can't remember where I read it, but it, men say the most
valuable thing. We say the most valuable thing, as I'm getting bitten by ants here, we say the
most valuable thing, 30 seconds after you think we finished speaking.
So give us time to process.
Let us sit with things. Especially if you're asking
these difficult questions, like how do we feel?
Or what's our opinion on this. Sometimes you really got to, especially if it relates to
the relationship, that's just like a very hard thing for us to process.
You ladies are really good at talking to each other and figuring stuff out. We don't do that.
We process with them. Again, it's not an excuse, but it's something you got
to allow for with men just to give them that space to process, to come back with you,
to you with some certainty like this guy.
"No, Baratheon, it's just a f*cking tree."
And that's how we feel that you can trust us. And that's how we feel
masculine to you. Number three, all right, you're going to hate this one, but
I'm just going to say it. When it comes to women, especially when we're in
the earliest stages of our life, or when we're feeling uncertain, we act like cats.
Have you ever had a cat that came to the door and wanted to come inside?
And you walk up to the door, you open the door and the damn cat just sits there.
It's like "Cat, you wanted to come in. You said you wanted to be in the house.
Why are you just sitting there? And then the cat's like, Hmm, it's sort of half
wanders in and sits in the doorway. You have to give that cat either a
gentle push out or sort of pop it in with your foot.
And when it comes to women, a man's, our default setting is to go
down the middle of commitment. We don't want to be fully lonely.
We don't want to be totally outside without you. But commitment is scary.
So when it comes to committing, we often don't fully come into the
house either, especially without a gentle nudge. So if you leave us to
our own devices, we'll sit there like an annoying cat kind of in and out
of commitment, somewhere in the middle. "Oh, we like you.
But I don't know, commitments kind of scary."
And we'll just sit in the doorway. And much like if a cat just keeps
coming to the doorway. You get frustrated with it. You eventually say,
"All right, cat, you're either in or you're out for the rest of the day.
Cause I'm not going to keep getting up to the door."
You kind of got to treat us like that, right?
It's like you give us a gentle nudge either way. Maybe it comes to the door once more.
But if the cat keeps being indecisive, the cat is either in or it's out.
The cat has to make a decision. So when it comes to commitment,
because loneliness is scary and because commitment is scary, we tend to go
in the middle. And if you don't give us gentle nudge and give us good boundaries
like a cat, you'll end up getting pretty frustrated by us. By the way, before
we get to point number four, if you're enjoying the video so far, I did a whole
massive online program on how to understand men, including how to talk
to men, how to give them feedback. The details to that are in the description.
And I'll pop a card up here as well. Number four is purpose.
We've got to have purpose.
Our students need purpose. We all have this thing. It's almost like a little,
"What are you doing? Why are you here? What's your function on this planet?"
Guys have that. And, and especially as men, we need to build it over time.
We have this need to sort of get through our teenage years and feel like
we are contributing to society. We just really want to be useful to you.
We want to serve you. We want to be doing something. And so you'll tend to
get drama from us, from men if in relationship, we don't feel like
we have that reason we're here. We don't have something we're
passionate about. If we don't have a purpose that we're following,
if we're not where we think we should be, the more you deal with that, the more,
the more we have this compulsion is the word I'm looking for, is to
just shut down and find it, right? And we kind of ignore everything else
if we don't feel like we have it.
So don't take it personally when we do that, it might mean you have to
set boundaries and stuff, et cetera. But it's not about you. It's just about,
we need to have a thing because we've got this voice in the back of our minds.
It's like, "Why are you here? What's your purpose on this planet?" And if we're not
able to answer that question well, we tend to cause drama in relationships.
If we're answering that question well, if we're on our path, we'll be great in
relationship with you. Number five is freedom. We love our freedom.
Go figure men like freedom, but it's really, really important to our masculine
energy that we feel free. And if you really want us to move closer to you,
then us being able to feel free in the relationship is really important to us.
And I know this, I lean on a little bit avoidant as well. If my partner restricts
my freedom in a way that I don't condone or don't agree with, I pull away,
I can get resentful. I'm working on that stuff, but just she restricts my freedom,
it's problems. The freedoms I've asked for obviously freedoms that she's agreed
with in my own circumstance, but it's the freedom to pursue the things
that are important to me. It's the freedom to live my life in the way I want to.
We really value freedom as guys, if you restrict it in ways that we don't agree
with or that we don't like, we slowly get rebellious and even resentful.
And this is why you've sometimes got to really push with a man to get him
to be honest about the freedoms he wants. Cause a lot of us feel like
we have to comply to women.
And when you say you want us to text you or you want us to do more
dates or whatever it is, we feel like we have to say yes. So one thing
that you can really do with this is just really encourage a guy to be honest.
Just say, "Hey, I don't want you to tell me what I want to hear. I want you to
tell me the truth. I'm not a porcelain doll. Just give it to me." It really encourages
freedom of speech in the relationship because that's a big freedom that a lot
of men are used to not getting. Um, especially when you hear guys talk
about all the bull chain or it's happy wife, happy, happy life.
It's all sort of begrudging communications about losing freedom.
So if you can really help a guy feel more freedom when you're with him,
and again, these have to be freedoms that you're okay with.
But if you guys can come together and really work to give him full freedom,
not just of speech, but to follow the path he wants to follow. You're going to
have a very happy guy with you, right? And I can truly say that's, what's helped
me be so committed to my partner. She gives me so much freedom.
It's weird and it's paradoxical, but it's actually true. I don't pull away and rebel
because I know I have such freedom and it's in ways that we both agreed on.
So freedom is really important to us. It helps us trust you. It's a value that all
of us men have within us. And the more we can build it with you, the closer we
actually become to you. So those are the understandings of men.
Did any of these surprise you? Let me know in the comments section below,
I'd love to hear it. Leave me comments down there below.
There's a bunch of free downloads as well. All really good stuff. 12 Texts
To Make Him Yours, How to understand men. There's a Sexting Guide.
It's all in the description below, as well as my book. You can get the physical
copy from Amazon or the audio copy from Audible. Thanks again for watching.
Hit the subscribe button with the little bell if you enjoyed the video
and I'll see you in the next video real soon,
BTS: Do we need any more?
No Baratheon, that's just a f*cking tree. Do we need to do it?
Do I need to like bring more, a little bit more humor into it? You're too thin. Bugger!
All right. I need to go further. I need to go further to the depths of the yard.
Want me to go again? I don't think, [laughs]
I don't think that [laughs].
So nice, there's still Jermia. Nothing will go wrong. [laughs]