Good morning John. I'm in a Target.
And I'm tired.
And I don't feel good.
But here I am.
I'm going to have to figure out something to do for the next 15 hours
and I really hope that it's at least a little bit interesting.
[piano music]
I've been in Target for about five hours now,
and I am REALLY BORED.
[laughing tiredly]
There's not a lot to do here.
[ribbit ribbit ribbit]
[air blowing]
Hey, Nerdfighters came to see me.
Why am I here?
Oh now this is just. Why?
Why, why do you put yogurt in the workout section?
Nice, warm yogurt. Good job consumer.
Aside from being an excellent ninja mask,
this balaclava is good for staying warm in the cold Montana winter.
However, they didn't call it a balaclava, they called it a baclava.
I feel like a little bit of a jerk for complaining about my punishment,
when you didn't really do anything and you have to get a root canal today.
Though as you pointed out, you did break the basic rules of dental hygiene.
This is why every year for our entire lives, our Mum has bought us a toothbrush.
And what? Did you just ignore that?
There are lots of people in this Target and they, they don't think I'm normal.
[Impersonating FRED] Hey, it's Haaaaaaank.
[Impersonating FRED] Oh my gosh, you guys I've been in Target for twelve freaking hours.
Katherine just came to hang out with me at the Target,
and we have been doing a lot of math in this candy aisle,
to try and figure out what candy is the worst for you.
We're doing that by figuring out what has the most calories per gram.
For a long time we thought it was going to be Reese's Peanut Butter Cups,
and then we thought it was going to be the Dove Peanut Butter Cups,
but it turns out that it's the Lindor Peanut Butter Truffles,
with 5.9 calories per gram.
More expensive too, you get what you pay for,
which is chubby.
[pitch getting progressively higher] Ah, ah, ah, ah!
[4 voices together] Ahhhhh!
One last heaping spoonful.
[coughing]
It's a horrible idea, you suck.
John, you have to face your fear of heights and go on the Froghopper for a full froghop session,
and while you're up there, I want you to tell me you love me.
John, see ya on Friday.