Looking back,
I think I have had a relatively problem-free -
a pretty good and easy life.
School and work,
and life in general have gone well.
There have been some small things of course, just like for everyone,
but I never felt that,
"This is not going to succeed; I cannot manage this."
In the fall of 2009, I started studying at the university.
I came from a tiny town to the huge city of Oslo,
with 30,000 students at the university.
So, everything was much bigger.
I became an urban dweller, commuting on trains and the underground.
That was fun!
Then I noticed after a while that sitting on the train,
I actually spent a lot of time alone
or constantly together with new people.
I realized that I was actually becoming quite lonely from this.
I had thought that I was someone who liked to spend quite a bit of time alone,
but I quickly realized that I started losing my motivation
not only at school, but throughout life in general.
After a while, I started sort of "sleeping in."
Just enough so that I didn't have to go to school,
because that meant the day was kind of ruined,
so then I could just as well to just stay home.
I was not able to be the happy, content Susanne
that I... Actually, I generally have a happy disposition.
I have heard that it is possible to be happy regardless of where I am,
that regardless of the circumstances I am in, I can be happy
if I just take it in the right way.
So, I knew that this was not the way my life was supposed to be,
that I should have ups and downs.
But, I was not able to manage it.
I needed a different attitude, not just by pulling myself together,
because that just did not work.
One day it would go well,
and the next day it would not go at all.
Then I really got faith that... like Paul writes that
he was happy in need, in tribulation, in prison -
wherever he was.
So, if Paul could do it,
Of course that was a long time ago.
But he received the same help that I can receive!
And if he succeeded, then it must be possible for me as well.
I have noticed that if I nurture the thoughts:
"Now this is not good, Susanne, this is no fun at all."
Then I have allowed myself to be taken captive by those thoughts,
but truly, how stupid that is,
because God places me where I should be!
It has become clear to me that I can't manage it; I need help
if I am to become happy!
It is not easy to let God take control right away,
but when you notice that it goes so much better,
It is in a different realm - that is how much better life goes
when God has control and not me.
It is a little like, once you have started...
It is difficult to get started,
but once you have started giving up control of your life,
then it becomes easier and easier.
Of course daily life comes, and of course
there are days that are not fun,
but even thought my feelings are at the bottom,
I sense that I am happy.
I experience that I have a double joy.
That means that you are happy for what has taken place
and for what God has done for you.
He has, in fact, taken care of me until now;
He has forgiven me for what I have done wrong.
At the same time you are joyful because you know that it will become better.
You look forward to everything that will happen!