Stop bouncing.
I can't help it.
Oh, I wish I could go to Karaoke Dokie.
- Why can't you? - Who cares why she can't?
I was just wondering why she--
You need Tori around to have a good time?
- Is that your point? What? - Dude...
Jade, you're lucky to have Beck.
Don't be such a gank.
- Hey. - Hi.
You're wearing this to the Cow Wow.
- Okay. - What, you don't like it?
I said, OK.
- You barely even looked at it. - I just... I don't...
This is the first social event at the school we're going to
- since we got back together. - Okay.
You wanna know what I'm gonna wear?
I'm gonna wear a Hawaiian skirt,
a black western top and a cowboy hat.
- That sounds great. - What is wrong with you?
It's a text message.
And what does it say?
Maybe, "Hi, Beck, my daddy just got richer and I got prettier.
Let's make out."
Okay, let me see if I understand you...
Let's see if you do.
Because you and I date,
I can't be friends with other girls?
You can be friends with ugly girls.
But not girls who are gorgeous socialites
who text message you 100 times a day.
What? Really?
What's up?
All right. Okay.
What?
Okay, you want to go there?
I wonder what they're text-fighting about.
Let's ask 'em. Hey--
- Stay out of it! - Shut off!
I'd rather not get involved.
- I think that's best. - Okay.
- Oh! - Oh, hey.
Oh, my gosh.
- Uh, it's cool. - No, here.
I think it's coming off.
You might be making it worse, actually.
Dude, why are you rubbing my boyfriend?
Uh, I just... I spilled coffee on--
Get away from him.
Relax.
I'll get it. I love doors.
[doorbell rings]
They're like presents with hinges.
- Oh, look, it's Jade-- - Get out of my way.
What are you doing here?
I'm just helping Tori rehearse for her audition.
That's three nights in a row.
I know she's bad, but does she really need this much help?
He's teaching me about taking risks.
Oh.
All right, you know what?
Tell me what?
No, no, don't tell him what.
We're done.
Jade!
So you're breaking up with me?
No, no, no. She's not.
Yeah, I am.
Oh, she is.
You're being ridiculous!
What do you care? I'm not your girlfriend anymore.
Come see my one-woman show Friday night!
Beck and Jade,
your query is...
You're stranded on a boat in the ocean--
I don't go in the ocean.
Just let him finish the question.
- I don't like the ocean. - Guys...
Dolphins creep me out so I will not go in the ocean.
- Just say A, B or C! - A!
- Maybe it was A! - I don't care!
I'm not happy with our relationship!
Hey. How you feeling?
My eye hurts.
Oh, yeah? Which one?
Cute.
I want coffee.
What's the magic word?
Get me some coffee?
- Just get a new phone. - Don't give her advice.
- I was just-- - Don't!
Man, you make me happy!
[doing silly noises]
I'll need to see your license and registration.
[in a British accent] Oh, sorry, dear constable.
I don't own a motorcar
and therefore have no such documents
in me trouser pockets.
Why don't you stop invading my personal space
and have a little of this raisin bran?
I'm game, so why don't you pop a dabble in me mouth?
Well...!
Aren't you two having a fun time eating raisin bran together?
[with his mouth full] Well, it's...
Just be careful now, mister British man,
'cause who knows what terrible things
might happen to you if that continues?
You must feel pretty stupid right now.
Okay, that's a time out.
- No, I was just trying-- - Go sit on the steps.
I can't believe how jealous you get.
Oh, oh! So you think I'm ugly!
What?
- Did I say she was ugly?! - [struggling to breathe]
Cat thinks we're a perfect couple.
Cat, are Jade and I a perfect couple?
- Don't answer that! - Answer!
- Say nothing! - Come on!
You come on!
Well, you made Cat faint.
I'm late for class.
We're gonna have to finish this sooner or later.
Later!
Ugh!
Unbelievable!
Okay.
- Still fighting with Beck? - Oh, yeah.
There.
What'd you text him?
[gasps]
Okay.
That phone conversation never happened!
I saw it!
I need some more pink lemonade.
The phone call between Beck and me wasn't real!
You offered to tickle his tummy!
I was talking to a puppy.
I was ordering a pizza.
How does she know you like having your tummy tickled?
Everyone likes having their tummy tickled!
It's true.
Sometimes I do it to myself.
The producers took two separate phone conversations
and cut them together.
I want to hear that from them.
Oh, I knew it. I knew it two years ago
when you were in that awful play with her.
I think I wrote that play.
And Meredith was always like,
"Oh, Beck, why don't you come over to my house
so we can rehearse our lines?"
"Oh, Beck, I brought you some cupcakes!"
Meredith brings everybody cupcakes.
Her dad owns a cupcake shop.
He does?
Yeah, Frank's Cupcakes.
[gasps] Oh, they're good.
Yeah, they make some legit cupcakes.
You know what?
I don't care.
Go out with Meredith.
Enjoy her cupcakes.
I'm just saying, any dude that hot and that perfect
has to be hiding something.
So I guess you think Beck's on to something.
Oh, he was.
Until I found out.
W-What was I hiding?
That you were born in Canada!
It wasn't a secret.
Hey, if we're going to keep talking about Tori's phone,
could someone please take me to a car door
so I can slam my face in it?
I have a car.
Oh.
Hey, look, we're doing this project
that's due tomorrow morning, so--
Where have you been?
Home. Why?
I left you a voicemail and you haven't called me back.
I'm doing homework.
So you want to break up with me?
Wait. No, No. Why would you think that I want to break up--
Why do you have that animal?
It's my neighbor's dog.
His neighbor, the cheerleader.
Cheerleader?
Why? Why would you say that?
Sorry.
Why are you doing favors for a cheerleader?
And what is she doing for you?
It's not what you think, she's just--
- I'm coming over there. - No, no. You don't need to...
Hi.
Why did you invite Beck?
You didn't tell me Jade was going to be here.
I didn't know.
I thought you had a date tonight.
Why did you think that?
It said so on your Slap page.
Why are you stalking my Slap page?
Why do you care?
Why is Robbie's zipper down?
If I get to ten and you're not out there,
I'm going home.
And we're over.
One...
I would never fight with you.
Two...
Three...
Four...
Five...
- Six... - Ya!
- [grunts] - Trina!
Come on! Just give me a chance!
Get off me!
No!
I'm a really fun girl!
- No you're not! - You're so good looking!
What are you doing? Stop, stop!
Seven...
Eight...
Nine...
Ten!