Hey, it's time. Don't you think it's time to forgive that person for what they did?
You may not know what to do that's why this training is perfect for you today.
Watch closely as I walk you through step by step of how to forgive someone.
Hey, how you doing? It's Kirk Duncan and I know what you're looking for. I know what
it feels like. You know when something's happened and how do you forgive? How to
get past this? Well just so you know, if you don't follow the steps, you're going
to get stuck in this moment. I've had plenty experiences in my life that I've
had to go back to and finish, so that I could move forward in my life. So please
hear me when I say this. If you don't learn how to forgive and be really good
at forgiveness, it is going to become some kind of attachment to your past
that could literally drag behind you for the rest of your life and I don't know
if you've ever considered this before but if you hooked on a 10-pound weight
and start dragging it behind you, you actually move slower because it just
weighs us down. And so for me, I want to know how to forgive somebody who may
have said something hurtful or done something mean or just whatever happened.
What is it? What is a way Kirk that I can go through and actually follow
some steps that literally psychologically and emotionally I can
process this so that I can continue to move forward in my life. So I've got
for you some some steps to take and but first I got to talk about
the number one mistake because really there
there is something that happens in this process that gets skipped. And when
people don't take this step, it really causes some additional problems and I
don't know how much you understand about emotions and thoughts but when we have
unresolved thoughts and emotions inside of us, those unresolved or unfinished
moments, get stored in our body somewhere. I mean really like our body is a
recording device. It records our life, our experiences. You know they found out
that we have muscle memory. We have cell memory, we have memories in our DNA. And
so our life experiences gets stored inside of us and if they're hurtful,
imagine having something hurtful stay inside of you for 20,30,40
years. That's not going to turn out good for you. I mean what if you had a sliver
underneath your skin for 40 years. That's going to get infected. That's going to hurt you.
So they find that emotions that are stored inside us that are hurtful can
actually cause us to have ailments or have some breakdown happen inside of our
body. So I know we want to do these kinds of things to forgive so that we can you
know better a relationship with somebody. But it also has to do with your own
personal health and your own sanity. Tough to create new relationships in
your life when you have hurtful ones that still haven't been finished. So
let's talk about the mistake that happens. Well the number 1 mistake that
happens is people don't know how to completely express themselves. The reason
why you don't really want to express yourself is because in that moment you
literally are charged too much with emotion. So what happens is because
you're too charged, what happens is you don't want to say anything because you
don't know what's going to fly out of your mouth. You don't know how that's getting...
You know what's going to do to the people and you don't want to feel out of
control and you just literally your voice box gets locked up. Your teeth get
tight. The weight of the experience weighs on you and you don't know what to
do. So the number one mistake that happens
when in the process of forgiveness is that we don't express ourselves and it
just sinks in. Instead of expressing and letting it go, it literally starts to
sink into us and over a period of time we just absorb it and it becomes part of
us. That hurt becomes part of us and it didn't go anywhere. So I've learned over
the last 12 years of my life as I've been really diving in and doing some
research and study about how can I improve my life about how to forgive
others and how to really clean this up so I can move forward. I've had to learn
how to express myself but it's tough. It is so tough to go to another person and
express yourself. That's why in what I have for you now is I have some steps
that you can take. That you can immediately start using right now. It's
not something you use later. It's like today is the day to start using this so
that you can express yourself and it's a very safe process
to express yourself. So you can see here that one of the first steps is to
literally pull out a pad of paper and a pen or get on your laptop or your
computer and it's time to write. And this is what I do is I will open up a fresh
new document and if something's happened between me and another person and I'm
not getting over it, I've got to go to express myself. I'm too charged but I've
still got to express myself. So how do I do that? I go and I start to write and
I'll just pull up a new document and I'll start to just tell the whole story
and sometimes it can come out pretty heated when I'm writing this story. But I
need to tell all the details. How I feel, What did they do to me, what happened,
what went wrong and I tell the whole story from my point of view. But I must
express myself because if I don't do this, it's going to just settle in and now
that hurts going to become part of me. So in my writing and when I say it
all, I mean tell the whole story. Now, be careful. You're not going to give this
writing to somebody. You're not going to email it to somebody. You're not going to
print it and give it to them. You're not going to share it with your
friends. This is only for you so that you can get this expression of what happened
to you off of your chest so that you can forgive. Because if you can get this
written out all the way through writing, what you're going to find is you're
actually going to feel lighter. You're going to feel more confident and you'll actually
feel like you want to talk to the person and work it out and talk about what
happened. But while you're charged, there's no way. You're upset with them,
they're bothered ,they're a jerk, they're mean, they're terrible, what they do to
you. But when you're in this place, you're not going to do the right thing. You're not
going to say the right things. You're not even thinking straight. You got to go up
here to this one right here and not let this be your number one mistake and
really express yourself through writing. Now, I will say this. There's been times
in my life where if people have done things and it hurt me really bad and I
could not go to them and talk to them and I wrote it out. I told the whole
story. Wrote out everything and I told the whole story.
The next day I had to write it again. The next day,
I wrote it again. I had a situation that happened to me just about two and a half
years ago. I literally wrote the story out of what happened for two weeks in a
row .Every day for two weeks because I was still supercharged about it and if I
would have called the person or once saw the person to try to work
it out, I can't think straight. I can't say I'm sorry or ask for forgiveness or
try to you know figure out what, how.. I can't do that because I'm too charged.
And then one of the reasons why you're struggling with the forgiveness piece is
that right there. So do it on paper. Write out the whole story. So as the two weeks
went by and I wrote out the whole story, I was narrowing in on that last part of
that two weeks and I actually felt pretty calm about it and then that's
when I called the person up. I said, "Hey, can we talk about something that
happened?" And to them they totally forgot what happened. You know they weren't on
the receiving end of the hurt and I, you know call up and say, "Hey, can I talk to
something?" And I was able to be super level-headed. Able to be just totally
calm. Talk about what happened and express myself and we were able to work
through what happened. But I mean there was no way I was going to do that
beforehand because I was super, super charged. Now in your writing, be sure that
as you go to express all the details of what happened, you don't finish the
letter until you change your point of view about what happened.
You see if all I was doing was saying, "This person did this and they did this
and now it's hurt me and I can't believe they did this." If that's all I'm doing, is
just venting that way, and I don't change the end of the story, then I'm still
stuck in the same story that happened. And what this one right here means is to
write in the new point of view. Means as soon as I get done, telling what happened,
now I tell it from a new point of view. And the new point of view, here's an
example. So-and-so, did something today that really offended me, but maybe they
didn't understand what happened. Maybe they didn't understand my part that I
was playing. And so what I'm doing is I'm pulling myself
out of the scenario and instead of what happened to me, I'm actually writing it
from a different point of view of like well maybe it'd happen this way, maybe
this is what they were thinking. So I'm actually showing myself, my mind a
different point of view of the story. So it's not I'm all locked in
only one point of view. Because if I can't open up my mind to look at the
situation from a different point of view, I'm going to get stuck in my old point of
view. When I open myself up and I write the end of it from a whole new point of
view, it actually teaches my mind that there could be a possibility of just
human error. Maybe the person didn't know. Maybe they
weren't aware of what they were doing. And guess what happened at the end of
the two weeks when I called that person and told him what happened? They then
expressed me, Kirk, I didn't even know. Didn't you know that it happened. But because
I was open to the possibility of just human error and it wasn't something
malicious or something direct to hurt me, I was prepared in my mind to be open for
that conversation. You were going to have a tough
experience forgiving people if you only have one point of view about what
happened and you're going to have a really tough experience forgiving people if you
stay charged to express what happened and use writing is going to release a
lot of that built up energy inside of you, so you can be clear minded and open
to have a discussion. Because isn't that what life really is about is be able to
improve the relationship. Not just go around cutting off relationships and be
careful. There's too many of us that are out there just whacking off
relationships and let's be a little bit more responsible, right? Let's be a little
bit more responsible here. Express ourselves and then let's go have that
conversation. I mean isn't that what life is all about is people and let's do what
it takes so that we can forgive and come to some neutral ground with the people
around us. Because really the liquid gold of life is relationships. Hey, these are
great videos aren't they? Well hey, click subscribe and ring the bell and I will
see you tomorrow.
you