- Forgiveness, reframing, and kindness.
These are three lessons
that "A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood,"
the Mr. Rogers movie, so clearly depicted.
As adults, I believe these are excellent
functional and behavioral ways
of improving our mental health.
Number one: forgiveness.
Obviously this is a huge theme of the whole film.
And at the beginning of the movie
Mr. Rogers introduces us to his friend Lloyd Vogel
who is in this picture, has a bloody nose,
and he tells us that Lloyd has a lot of anger
and he has a lot to learn about forgiveness.
And obviously we're taken on the journey
to understand Lloyd and understand his route
to forgiving his father.
Now even though Mr. Rogers was somebody
who really spoke to children
about a lot of issues that we face as adults,
I will definitely say that as adults
we have a lot to learn about forgiveness.
I can't tell you the number of times
that I've had patients come in
and tell me about some of the things
that they've been struggling with
that are really rooted in basically
that somebody had done them wrong
20, 30, 40 years ago.
Sometimes the person that did them wrong
is not even alive anymore.
Sometimes the person they feel that did them wrong
is God or even themselves.
And this anger that they hold toward this person
is really impacting not only their mental health
in their day-to-day life,
but it shows up sometimes in physical symptoms as well.
The thing we have to understand though
is that when we harbor ill will or anger toward somebody,
especially for a long duration of time,
the only person that loses is ourselves.
And we have to understand also
that forgiveness does not necessarily mean
that we condone the action of whoever did us wrong.
It doesn't mean that it's okay what they did.
It doesn't mean that we don't hold them accountable
for what happened.
What does mean however is that we accept what happened,
that we come to peace with the fact that this is our past
and that it does not have to dictate our future.
When we release that anger,
when we release that ill will toward somebody,
that is forgiveness.
That is what allows us then
to release the anxiety, the depression, the anger,
whatever you might be feeling
that is affecting you in your day-to-day life.
You might not even remember
that it's because of the ill will
you hold toward somebody else,
but it does affect the way that we live day to day.
So if thinking about somebody from your past,
some event from your past,
brings up discomfort, anxiety, depression,
I would highly encourage you to explore forgiveness.
Again, it doesn't mean that you condone what they did.
It simply means that you are choosing right here right now
to let go, accept,
and be the person that you truly are deep inside.
I should probably introduce myself.
I'm Dr. Karthik Ramanan.
I am a licensed naturopathic medical doctor
specializing in integrative mental health
and lifestyle medicine.
I help ambitious individuals end their self-criticism
with tools and strategies
to create optimal everyday mental health.
So if you need to silence that negative voice in your head,
get out of your own way to live your best life,
well, I am here for you.
I encourage you to hit that subscribe button right now.
The second lesson is reframing.
Reframing is a process of taking a past event
and drawing a new conclusion from it.
Think about the scene where Mr. Rogers
takes Lloyd to the cafe,
and their having lunch,
and Mr. Rogers explains to Lloyd
that it's because of the relationship with his father
that Lloyd is also such a principled and driven human being
and that a lot of his success
is also due to the relationship with his father.
And that's when he asks him to take a minute
to think about all the people
that have loved him into being.
And I was really taken aback
by that moment in the film as well
because it quickly made me start to think about
all the people that loved me into being.
The truth is this.
This is something that is a real takeaway
when I have a conversation with any of my patients,
it's that moment after they've talked about,
expressed their feelings
about how they got to where they are in life,
how they don't life themselves,
I start to say, okay, well,
what aspects do you like about yourself?
What aspects have served you well?
Sometimes the people that are the most negative
are also the most driven and achievement-oriented
because that perfectionism has driven them
to really achieve great things to prove somebody else wrong.
The achievement is great
but the element that brought them there
is not necessarily always healthy.
Well, what I ask people is this question.
What has your pain allowed you to do
that you would not have been able to do otherwise?
What has your pain allowed you to do
that you would not have been able to do otherwise?
The moment we come to terms with the fact
that, hey, all of these things that I do like about myself,
all these things that have brought me
the success that I have right now
are also the result of all the things
that I hold negative feelings.
We start to reframe that and say, okay, well,
I'm gonna focus on the things that were positive.
I'm gonna focus on the positive result
of whatever it was that caused me that pain all this time.
Reframing is an incredibly powerful technique
and I think it's something that all of us can benefit from.
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Lastly, the theme of kindness in the film
was just remarkable.
I don't think you can watch this film
and just not feel warm inside and feel good
that there is goodness in the world.
However, I think there were moments in the film
with the other characters,
and sometimes maybe you're even feeling it yourself,
like this guy Mr. Rogers, that's a level of kindness
that I don't think I could ever get to.
It's easy to feel that way
but I love how in the film
they just reference a few things
that it's not like Mr. Rogers had the perfect life.
It seemed that he had issues with his sons
that he had to work through.
He said that it couldn't have been easy
for his sons to have him as a father.
He also talked about how he swims to get out his anger.
And even at the end of the film,
when we're all having this happy ending
and he's playing the piano,
you're waiting for it, you're waiting for it,
you're wondering if he's gonna hit those low keys
and then he does, he hits those low keys a couple times,
another way that he described earlier
about getting out your anger,
and then he goes back to playing the beautiful music.
The crazy thing is in society we give our attention freely
to people who exhibit less than ideal human qualities
and then we turn around and say somebody like Mr. Rogers
has this unattainable level of kindness.
So maybe this unattainable level of kindness
makes us feel bad about ourselves,
so we don't really talk about people like that,
we don't exhibit that level of kindness,
it's much easier to focus
on all the hate that's spread around,
focus on all the differences that we have in our lives
with people around us.
The truth is we can all practice kindness.
It's a practice that we get better with day to day.
When we give, when we serve,
we find purpose within ourselves,
and purpose is an incredibly important aspect
of really living a life of positive mental health.
So my challenge to myself and to you
is to practice kindness with one stranger today.
I believe in your greatness.
(gentle music)