[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> EXCUSE ME, MR. PRESIDENT.
I'M HEADING HOME FOR THE NIGHT, CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING?
>> NO, THANK YOU, DAVID. BUT HEY, HOW DO YOU LIKE WORKING
AT THE WHITE HOUSE? ARE YOUR PARENTS PROUD?
>> I TELL THEM I WORK AT APPLEBEE'S.
>> IT'S GREAT. ONE MORE THING, YOU KNOW I LOVE
MY DAUGHTER IVANKA AND HER HUSBAND JARED.
THEY ALWAYS KEEP ME SO CALM AND MAKE SURE I DON'T DO ANYTHING
TOO CRAZY. >> THAT'S TRUE, SIR.
>> QUICK QUESTION, ARE THEY GONE?
>> YES, THEY DON'T WORK ON SHABBAT.
>> PERFECT. WHEN THE JEWS ARE AWAY, THE GOYS
WILL PLAY. [ LAUGHTER ]
SO SENT IN STEVE BANNON. [ CREEPY MUSIC PLAYING ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> HELLO, DONALD.
I HAVE ARRIVED. >> STEVE, YOU LOOK RESTED.
>> THANK YOU. >> NOT ME, I'VE HAD A LONG DAY.
I'M TIRED AND CRANKY. AND I FEEL LIKE I COULD JUST
FREAK OUT ON SOMEBODY. >> MAYBE YOU SHOULD CALL
AUSTRALIA. >> REALLY?
I MEAN, I HAVEN'T BEEN BRIEFED OR ANYTHING.
BUT WHAT COULD GO WRONG? LET'S DO IT.
>> HELLO, PRIME MINISTER TURNBULL.
>> YES, HELLO, IT'S THE DONALD. >> PRESIDENT TRUMP, HOW ARE YOU?
I HEARD THERE'S BEEN A LOT OF BLOWBACK OVER YOUR MUSLIM BAN.
>> NO, THERE WASN'T, EVERYONE LOVES IT.
[ LAUGHTER ] WE HAD TO DO IT BECAUSE OF THAT
HUGE MASSACRE AT BOWLING GREEN. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> NEVER HEARD OF THAT ONE. >> YEAH, IT WAS HORRIBLE.
SO MANY PEOPLE DIED, BUT ACTUALLY, THEY'RE THE LUCKY
ONES. THEY DON'T HAVE TO SEE HOW BAD
"THE APPRENTICE" HAS GOTTEN. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> MR. TRUMP, THANK YOU FOR STILL ACCEPTING OUR REFUGEES.
>> HOMIE SAY WHAT? >> PRESIDENT OBAMA SAID AMERICA
WOULD ACCEPT 1,200 REFUGEES. YOUR COUNTRY'S COMPASSION WILL
NOT BE FORGOTTEN. >> NO, NO REFUGEES.
AMERICA FIRST, AUSTRALIA SUCKS, YOUR REEF IS FAILING,
PREPARE TO GO TO WAR. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
STEVE, I THINK THAT WENT BAD. WAS THAT BAD?
>> NO, IT WENT JUST ACCORDING TO PLAN.
>> WHOSE PLAN? YOUR PLAN?
>> NO, YOUR PLAN. >> OKAY, GOOD.
LET'S CALL MEXICO. I FIGURED OUT A SMART DIPLOMATIC
WAY TO GET THEM TO PAY FOR THE WALL.
>> HOLA? PRESIDENT NIETO?
>> GUY WHO'S GOING TO PAY FOR THE WALL SAYS WHAT?
>> QUE? >> GUY WHO'S GOING TO PAY FOR
THE WALL SAYS WHAT? >> QUE?
>> NO, YOU HAVE TO SAY "WHAT." >> HA HA HA, YOU SAID WHAT,
YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR THE WALL.
>> NO, YOU PAY, LOSER, YOU BOD HOMBRE.
HERE COME OUR TANKS, GET READY TO GO TO WAR.
STEVE, I'M GETTING TOO WORKED UP, MAYBE I SHOULD STOP.
>> OR MAYBE YOU SHOULD CALL GERMANY.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> OKAY.
>> HELLO? IS THIS MY SWEET BARACK?
BARACK OBAMA, I MISS YOU. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> NO, IT'S DONALD TRUMP. >> AH, GROSS.
HI, DONALD. ARE YOUR PEOPLE STILL
PROTESTING? >> YES, EVERYONE IS MARCHING IN
THE STREET, THEY'RE SO UPSET HOW BAD "THE APPRENTICE" HAS GOTTEN.
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH -- >> A VERY IMPORTANT UP AND
COMER, HIS NAME IS FREDERICK DOUGLASS.
[ LAUGHTER ] I'M TRYING TO GET HOLD OF HIM
RIGHT NOW, HE'S VERY BUSY, NOW. >> THAT IS VERY COOL, DONALD.
I ACTUALLY HAVE TO GO -- >> ALSO I WANT TO BE SERIOUS FOR
A SECOND. LAST WEEK IT WAS HOLOCAUST
REMEMBRANCE DAY. AS YOU KNOW, 6 MILLION PEOPLE
WERE AT MY INAUGURATION. [ LAUGHTER ]
THERE WERE SO MANY PEOPLE AT MY INAUGURATION.
THE MEDIA REFUSES TO COVER IT, SO UNFAIR.
ONE DAY I'M GOING TO WRITE A MEMOIR ABOUT THIS STRUGGLE AND
CALL IT "MY STRUGGLE." [ LAUGHTER ]
WHAT WOULD THAT BE IN GERMAN? ANGELA?
>> MY NAME IS AN-GEL-LA. >> DON'T CORRECT ME, I'M IN
CHARGE NOW, GERMANY SUCKS, YOUR WALL FAILED, PREPARE TO GO TO
WAR. [ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> THAT WAS HILARIOUS.
>> THANK YOU, STEVE, THANK YOU. OH, I JUST HAD A GREAT IDEA,
WATCH THIS. >> HELLO?
>> HELLO, CONGRATULATIONS, YOU'VE JUST WON A FREE CRUISE
FOR TWO TO HAWAII, ALL YOU NEED IS YOUR COUNTRY'S CREDIT CARD
NUMBER. >> WE'RE NOT PAYING FOR THE
WALL, DONALD. >> YES, YOU ARE.
[ LAUGHTER ] STEVE, ALL OF OUR
SO-CALLED ALLIES ARE BEING SO MEAN TO ME.
>> WHY DON'T YOU CALL SOME RANDOM LITTLE COUNTRY, SHOW THEM
WHO'S BOSS? >> WHAT ABOUT ZIMBABWE?
>> PERFECT. SHOW THEM THE MIGHT OF AMERICA.
>> HELLO? >> ZIMBABWE, THIS IS THE NEW
SHERIFF IN TOWN. >> WAIT, IS THIS DONALD TRUMP?
>> YES. >> YOU THINK YOU ARE DICTATOR?
I WILL RIP OUT YOUR SPINE! AND DRINK FROM YOUR SKULL!
YOU CANNOT EVEN WALK DOWNSTAIRS, YOU LITTLE WHITE BITCH!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] DON'T YOU EVER CALL ZIMBABWE
AGAIN! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> OKAY, DONALD. THAT'S ENOUGH FUN FOR TONIGHT.
CAN I HAVE MY DESK BACK? >> YES, OF COURSE, MR.
PRESIDENT. I'LL GO SIT AT MY DESK, YEAH.
[ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ]
>> SO MUCH FUN, I LOVE IT. >> YEAH, THIS IS FUN.
AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!